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HIPPO EATS DWARF:
A Field Guide to Hoaxes
and Other B.S.

The wild Haggis (plural: Haggi) lives in the highlands of Scotland. It is round, four-legged, fur-covered, and usually less than a foot in length (comparable in size to a grouse). It is a shy creature, rarely seen, and for this reason there is great disagreement about its exact morphology and habits. For instance, many who claim to be Haggis experts say that the legs of the Haggis are longer on one side of its body than the other, in order to allow it to better stand on the steep slopes of the highlands. As a consequence, the haggis can only run around hills in one direction, and to catch one you simply run around the hill in the opposite direction. If true, this morphological feature would make the Haggis a cousin of the American Sidehill Gouger. However, other Haggis observers deny this to be true, insisting that all the legs of the Haggis are of equal length.

Some Haggis-ologists speculate that the Haggis is related to the Australian duck-billed platypus, being a descendant of migratory platypuses who found themselves trapped in Scotland during the last ice age and evolved to become highly adapted to its cold, damp weather.

To catch a Haggis it is advised to disguise your scent with liberal amounts of whisky, and then adopt a stumbling gait, swerving from side to side, so that the animal won't see you coming. Many stores in Scotland also sell Haggis Whistles. It is claimed that "in skilled hands this whistle can perfectly mimic the mating call of the Haggis."

It is sometimes said that Haggis is actually a traditional Scottish dish made from the heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep, mixed with oatmeal, suet, and seasonings, and boiled in the stomach of the animal. This is simply not true.
Comments
Listed in chronological order. Newest comments at the end.

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Haggis hunters wait
Haggis hears nothing then whack!
Eat the wee puddins
Posted by James Galvin  on  Sun Oct 01, 2006  at  07:17 AM

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Shy ,furry haggis
lover of the highland glens
stay safe in your den
Posted by J  on  Thu Oct 05, 2006  at  11:21 AM

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Haggis scamper near!
Drunk from my whisky vapors
clockwize 'round the rock.
Posted by DaveO  on  Tue Nov 14, 2006  at  02:09 PM

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fat-filled sheep tummy
furry creature of the hills
Hogmanay dinner.
Posted by #1F  in  NNVA  on  Wed Nov 22, 2006  at  05:56 PM

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i love this website, but i'm going tohave to tell you that Haggis is in fact the scottish meal of a sheep's heart, liver and lungs.
lol
i have had it, it's not so good.
Posted by rebecca smith  in  UK  on  Thu Aug 23, 2007  at  09:32 AM

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"Not so good" ?! How can anyone say it's "not so good" ? Honestly, sometimes I just can't understand you people
Posted by A-z  in  BG  on  Thu Jan 03, 2008  at  05:36 AM

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The haggis is a highland delicacy. However it is an extremely
Posted by Robert Renfrew  in  uk  on  Wed Nov 05, 2008  at  05:22 PM

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Haggis is delicacy? Could've fooled me I guess. Its like people who each cow balls. You have to grow up with it, then it "normal". N64 emulator
Posted by skanky  on  Thu Jan 15, 2009  at  09:30 PM

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you can adopt a haggis at http://adoptahaggis.webs.com
Posted by darren clark  in  scotland  on  Tue Jul 07, 2009  at  02:32 AM

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