The Museum of Hoaxes
HOME   |   ABOUT   |   FORUM   |   CONTACT   |   PINTEREST   |   FACEBOOK   |   TWITTER   |   RSS
The Top 100
April Fool Hoaxes
Of All Time
April Fool's Day
Gallery
Hoax Photo
Archive

Vampire Sites
Here's a couple of vampire-themed websites sent in by visitors. First we have the Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency. According to the blurb on the site, "From 1868 to 1975, the Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency (FVZA) was responsible for controlling the nation's vampire and zombie populations while overseeing scientific research into the undead. This site is a tribute to the men and women who served in the FVZA, especially the over 4000 Agents who lost their lives fighting to keep our country safe." And next we have The Temple of the Vampire. If you want to live forever, then all you have to do is join the temple. The catch is that in order to join you have to buy their book, The Vampire Bible. That's a good sales gimmick. I should try something like that for my book, such as if you want to achieve a state of absolute enlightenment, then you have to buy my book.
Categories: Paranormal
Posted by Alex on Wed Oct 29, 2003
Comments (2673)
More from the Hoax Museum Archives:
goldie... you seem female. this limits things even further for you. it's not your fault. it's just your nature. you cannot escape your nature. well.. technically you can.. it's just not easy... I'm just saying it's easier if you are male.

I won't talk much more to you.. because you love words too much. so this is my last talk to you... I want to say this is not about being this or that or vampire, you're stuck on words or titles. that's just wrong. if I were you I'd look beyond words and definitions.

I don't understand.. you have infinity and eternity awaiting you, all of you, and you settle for this mediocre state of being. you're here to evolve within your realm of the humanly possible, not to go backwards or stay in one place til death do you part.

get a life will ya. do something. come on! fast for a month.. stand on your head... take cold showers daily and in winter... burn your skin with a knife.. or cut it here and there... or don't masturbate for a year.. I mean come on.. just do something.. just try... so what if you fail.. this is about trying.. there are ways.. methods.. way older than you.. way wiser than you... just try something.. so your life gains meaning and I feel bit better and brighter from it too.
Posted by darius  in  mtl  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  04:16 AM
it is ror he signs off lifeforce for 30 minutes every time a darius post appears here. what is terrible is that he says he is from montreal and named himself after a character from a vincent price movie to make it look like he is hellofallhells.

just like you said shite and named yourself after a word in rev stronbones signature to make it look like you are him. but then you said shit. you are both very poor deceivers and very terrible people.
Posted by .  in  .  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  04:20 AM
Hahahaha. You "vampire" dipshits make me laugh.

Why don't you pull the corn cob out of your asses and get a god damn fucking life, idiots?

I'm going to go on enjoying my life to the fullest, accepting my mortality, knowing I'll have lived a life well lived. Nothing wasted, indeed.

Over and out,

The Shit.
Posted by The Shit  in  The Toilet Seat  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  04:27 AM
"burn your skin with a knife.. or cut it here and there.."

Good satanic advice from the Temple of the Vampire! I can see why count likes you!

You really represent your Temple well Markie Mark! You read it hear first, Temple of the Vampire members endorse self mutilation.

People will assume the Church of Satan does the same because they endorse that VERY Satanic institution.

And I am not faking Reverend Strongbone. I am female so I hate Reverend Strongbone.

You said you could read my mind darius, don't disappoint us. Tell them all who I really am or admit you and your Temple are full of fake psychopathic wannabe shite. Or shit. We say both here.
Posted by Goldie  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  04:29 AM
Darius,

You are welcome in my Chamber anytime.

HS/HT
Posted by The Count  in  Sesame street  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  04:45 AM
as usual you understand nothing. and think you understand everything. ah the irony you are.

all methods are valid that allow you to escape the condition of ignorance and stupidity and weakness in which you presently find yourself.

I only mentioned a few methods. there should be a few million more to your disposal. it's up to you to do the work and find out what works. I could not do that work for you even if I wanted to. but maybe if I could then I would want to.

look it's very simple. you just have to evolve. or die trying. that's all. and I have to help you evolve. or die trying. that's pretty simple too.

now remember all this next time you want to masturbate or take a nice hot steamy shower. I have such sense of humor.

well! sun is almost up! goodnite kids and happy day dreaming!
Posted by darius  in  mtl  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  04:53 AM
Keep it up! You are providing the Temple lawyers with great amounts of evidence which will be used against you in a court of law. As we speak, a cadre of Temple lawyers are finalizing the legal paperwork. Now you will have to assume responsibility for your actions. Posting has it's consequences. Think twice before your type. I hear there are less conveniences in prison now with the economic downturn.
Posted by Priest Shadow  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  10:28 AM
RoR (I mean darius) if you consider yourself to be "evolved" or even "evolving", you can count me out.

What is completely evident to anyone here with half-a-brain is that your path has lead you to some serious "devolving".

Nemo, you really did a number on Mr. RoR....The poster child for mind-control.

RoR, I just wanted to let you know, your an experiment gone wrong. When Nemo gives you the boot for being a Liability, your going to need some deprogramming....I'm sure there is someone here who can point you in the right direction.

You guys remind me of a Rocky Horror Picture Show Audience gone wrong.

I hope you can figure out a way to "evolve" your Red-Cards right out of your pockets and into the trash can.

"Lord of the Flies"
Posted by Rupert  in  Sin  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  10:39 AM
you boring amusing creature. don't you see yuo cannot win. you create lie after lie for yuorself and then live in it. Im not ror, but it's possible I am similar to him. because in this world, there are millions similar to me and ror, and billions similar to you. I sometimes wish it was the other way around. but there is reason for everything n'est-ce pas

your world and reality is a prison. you cannot escape it, you can only realize its a prison and enjoy your stay more because of it. then they let you out of yoru cell so yuo can roam around a bit more free.. to other parts of the prison.

I don't like talkign to hopeless inmates like yuo. I prefer to save energies for others who do not bite the hand that wants help them like some mad dogs on disco treats.

the only way you can understand me is if you change your genes into something other than they are now. and since you clearly aren't born that way, it means you have to work twice as hard. so I suggest you stop wasting your time.
Posted by darius  in  mtl  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  11:57 AM
Darius, I understand you completely. Your words have been poetry to my soul. I will accept your Teachings. I am ready to leave the prison.
Are you accepting students?
Thank you my Master for your attentiveness.
Posted by Michelle  in  UK  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  02:04 PM
female, these are not my teachings.
Posted by darius  in  mtl  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  04:39 PM
Our attorneys have acquired the IP addresses associated with the the criminal posters. You will be receiving notification shortly. How embarrassing indeed it will be for your parents, teachers, neighbors, and chiefs to find out you are going to court (I do not mention friends or lovers because none of you have any) to pay for your crimes.
We have decided to give some of you, one more chance. If you do not post here again, you IP address will not be delivered to the proper authorities and you will be allowed to continue on with your existences as they are.
If this friendly, advantageous, and generous offer is not taken advantage of, then you have left us no recourse but to proceed with legal proceedings.
It is easy to make the right choice but very costly to make the wrong one in this situation.
Choose wisely.
Posted by Priest Shadow  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  05:07 PM
Darius,

Are you not a source of these teachings?
Master, where can I get these teachings?
I sense you are the fountainhead of the spirit. By spirit, I mean that which cannot be destroyed or removed. I feel you are here to help those who are ready for your teachings.
Please help me leave this prison. Show me the way.
Posted by Michelle  in  UK  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  06:02 PM
well it's up to you whether your mind will be limited to human thoughts and trivialities about weather or fashion or other such things, or whether it'll be a playground for thoughts of higher forces

just keep tuning it til you hear something worth hearing.. and even then or especially then, continue to listen and tune it

I guess you could say we're like walking breathing radios

go join temple of vampire. at least there you won't be among the mindless useless creatures of this world that think they know it all when in reality they are just a dead piece of meat sitting on someone else's dinner plate.
Posted by darius  in  mtl  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  06:14 PM
you are a breath of fresh air here darius.
one question for you, what do you think about cryonics being part of the temples "teaching"?
i dont know if it jives with the rest of the vampire teachings. the cryonics thing is the only thing prevenenting me from signing up and giving it a shot.
darius,what is your opinion on this?
Posted by Slade Wilson  in  NC  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  08:11 PM
in case anyone is watching, priest shadow, my questions are serious not made with ill intent.
Posted by Slade Wilson  in  NC  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  08:19 PM
fresh air huh? thanks. whatever fresh air I have or is in me comes from higher spheres. down here below is only pollution of the soul. but hey, it takes one to know one so hats off to you too friend. had it not been for this pollution of soul and the chains called FLESH, we would never know the victory over it.. just like seeing the animal and lack of refinment in the common "human" can give us motivation to surpass their weaknesses thus of course surpassing also our own.. so everything has its purpose you see

well in a way constsntly thinking (as in being aware) of death is almost a guaranteed way of getting yuo slightly illuminated.. just like sitting around watching your breath 24/7 will do the trick.. or not ejaculating for few years.. but I still say do not think or worry about death... just enjoy life.. and if you must think about death or cryonics then at least don't fear it. I don't think fear is good for immortals. cause it shortens their lives.

so it's all about passion.. in words of some great man way greater than i am.. "there is no begining and no end, only infinite passion for life"

this is what makes difference between vampires, satanists and the average worthless animal that daers call himself man today.. the passion. nothing mroe and nothing less.

pure passion for life in its every passing moment makes everything you touch turn to gold and everyone in your way standing it turns into ash and dust

I call it passion but its only a word.. in reality its a complex series of many things.. from soul, spark of god, illumination, wisdom courage patience virtue.. etc.. and many mroe.. all combined in right amounts and yielding proper results.

I think you shoudl do step by step. join the temple. then see where that takes you. instead of thinking about cryonics and end of your life already now. the aim of temple if I see clearly is to help you become immortal. nto through cryonics.. so think of cryonics as may be some sort of last resort method. and concentrate on other methods that lead to immortality. of soul. cause its pretty likely if you make your soul immortal, the body will love it so much that it will not want to rot and die either.

I have an inspirational quote for you because you have faith.. this is from a fine soul who was aurobindo... a vampire.. I was next to him when he took his last breath.. so if ever yuo find yourself in some darkness (the bad kinda darkness that is) then remember these words.. they served me well when I was once just a confused child of man.

so this is jsut small passage from savitri epic.... in the next post I make here it will be..
Posted by darius  in  mtl  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  08:43 PM
savitri inspiration quote from aurobindo for mr wilson...


I saw the Omnipotent's flaming pioneers
Over the heavenly verge which turns towards life
Come crowding down the amber stairs of birth;
Forerunners of a divine multitude,
Out of the paths of the morning star they came
Into the little room of mortal life.
I saw them cross the twilight of an age,
The sun-eyed children of a marvellous dawn,
The great creators with wide brows of calm,
The massive barrier-breakers of the world
And wrestlers with destiny in her lists of will,
The labourers in the quarries of the gods,
The messengers of the Incommunicable,
The architects of immortality.
Into the fallen human sphere they came,
Faces that wore the Immortal's glory still,
Voices that communed still with the thoughts of God, Bodies made beautiful by the spirit's light,
Carrying the magic word, the mystic fire,
Carrying the Dionysian cup of joy,
Approaching eyes of a diviner man,
Lips chanting an unknown anthem of the soul,
Feet echoing in the corridors of Time.
High priests of wisdom, sweetness, might and bliss, Discoverers of beauty's sunlit ways
And swimmers of Love's laughing fiery floods
And dancers within rapture's golden doors,
Their tread one day shall change the suffering earth And justify the light on Nature's face.
Posted by darius  in  mtl  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  08:46 PM
thnx you for your kind response darius. i have heard of aurobindo.
which books by sri aurobindo do you recommend? i can only afford one right now. are there other books you recommend beside those in the temple suggested reading list? thnx
Posted by Slade Wilson  in  NC  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  09:25 PM
Every religion has it's internment customs. Cryonics is the logical evolution of mummification.
Posted by The Count  in  Sesame street  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  10:10 PM
mr wilson, there is bits and pieces of truth everywhere and in everything. some can extract it, others cannot. but it's still there. waiting for extraction. I am lucky, and lesser fool than most, because I can extract it. but I worked extra hard for my rebirth.

still I am nothing compared to the gods. or to some men comapred I am nothing also. it's onlyt because of the quality of the human is so low today that it is so easy to appear wise. these are good days for false prophets and gurus, and many take advantage of that. so be careful if you want a master or guru.

if yuo truly want to find out where you stand on the evolutionary ladder, you would have to spend some time with aurobindo or shakespear or crowley or mozart or rembrant or someone else like this. genius is the name of the game. its genius that runs the show. because genius is god. everyone is follower only. ignore them, they are nothing but fools and every word they speak and thought they think is poison to those who truly strive for perfection.

the world is made of two kinds, predator and prey. you will know you made progress when humans will run away from you at the very sight of you. they will do that because they do not like you knowinf their weakness better than they know it themselves. but to be able to do that, you have to first master that weakness in yourslef.

hence the old saying that you must hate all weakness in others, but most of all, you must hate all weakness in yourself.

average humans are only here to serve and show to you what you must not become. what you must surpass. you can do that in isolation, on some lonely mountaintop one on one with yourself, exploring etc. but maybe things are the way they are, big populations and you part of it all, so that it may be easier for some of us to realize this while at some live concert when you sit in the very middle of a 20 thousand sceraming crowd.
instead of that lonely mountaintop

so yuuo see I don't really have reading suggestions for you. because I extract things from everything. many just repeat each other anyway.. because they all draw from same source.
this is why there is no such thing as my teachings or crowley's teachings or aurobindo teachings. it's just the higher planes merging with the lower planes. if it's yoru time to hear the divine music

just keep listening and fine tuning your isntrument it's all we can do

sooner or later something will happen

even if nothing happens, the genuine seeker finds enough joy and reward in the tryign and striving

in short, no step is every lost on this path.

but all other paths, they mean nothing and are waste of time
Posted by darius  in  mtl  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  11:14 PM
Slade Wilson is posting here????
Slade fucking Wilson?
Deathstroke the Terminator is posting here?
I guess you are still a pawn of Darkside's.
Clark will kick your ass.
Maybe Lex will post next.
Magister Lang, are you related to Lana? yes or no?
Let me mention Smallville final episode spoilers for the search engines to pick this thread up.
@ Priest Dick-Shadow. I know who you are. The only lawyers you have are the ones on the T.V. commericals...and you haven't even called 'em!
@ Rupert, dude u is too quiet. You and anonymous need to get more active or this shadow-dick priest will think that they scared peeps off.
@ Sand, where the FUCK are u man?
@ Dariusm, WTF does yoga have to do with the ToV?
Seriously, Aurobindo? really? Reconcile that with the ToV philosophy for me if you can. I think u are a good person being misled. Reconcile cryonics with your beliefs. U can't. I'm a big douglas harding fan. Tempt me!
Posted by Sock Puppet 1138  on  Fri Feb 18, 2011  at  11:37 PM
sock.. yoga is just a word. words are useless.
some vampires have 1000 thoughts per minute. others have one thought per hour.

it's what canme with my rebirth package. I was never given a paper with options to check. like a contract for car purchase. I did not check the option that said "one thought per hour" versus 1000 thoughts per second.

I think it's safe to say, just as one human may be different from abnother.. so may there be differences between vampires. I think it would be less interesting to have it any other way than this.
Posted by darius  in  mtl  on  Sat Feb 19, 2011  at  12:06 AM
Quote:Every religion has it's internment customs. Cryonics is the logical evolution of mummification.

Way to rationalise your moronic faith, retarded dipshit.

You may well be right. But mummification never worked. Cryonics has a big chance of simply not working either.

What bullshit will you come up with next?
Posted by The Shit  in  The Toilet Seat  on  Sat Feb 19, 2011  at  03:59 AM
Patience.
Posted by Sand  on  Sat Feb 19, 2011  at  04:53 AM
Too bad for you it has already been proven to work on animals.
Posted by The Count  in  Sesame street  on  Sat Feb 19, 2011  at  05:03 AM
Show me a link to a paper/study that proves this is the case. What I'm talking about here is an animal/organism dying, then being cryonically suspended, and then brought back to life.

Show me!
Posted by The Shit  in  The Toilet Seat  on  Sat Feb 19, 2011  at  05:11 AM
http://www.medicaldiscoverynews.com/shows/190_secondChanceCryo.html

I'd post more links but I'm on my iphone
Posted by The Count  in  Sesame street  on  Sat Feb 19, 2011  at  06:19 AM
http://www.alcor.org/FAQs/faq02.html#braindeath

Q: Has an animal ever been cryopreserved and revived?

A: Small roundworms (nematodes) and possibly some insects can survive temperatures below -100
Posted by The Count  in  Sesame street  on  Sat Feb 19, 2011  at  06:27 AM
Once upon a time the idea of cell phones, microwave ovens, the Internet would be considered total phantasy, they are now commonplace. What do you think of nanotech?
Posted by The Count  in  Sesame street  on  Sat Feb 19, 2011  at  06:30 AM
Comments: Page 86 of 90 pages ‹ First  < 84 85 86 87 88 >  Last ›