The Museum of Hoaxes
hoax archive hoax archive hoax archive hoax archive hoax archive
 
The Secret of Invisibility
imageThis eBay auction offers a real bargain. For only $24.95 you can purchase the Secret of Invisibility. You will be rendered completely invisible. It's the same technique CIA agents use.

But wait, there's more. Included in the price you also get the Secrets of Sexual Seduction, "guaranteed to bring women into your bedroom." Plus you get "2 cures for male baldness that really work;" "unusual methods to GAIN 4" - 6" in height;" "A method of losing weight without exercise;" AND "X Secret for Men. Grow 2 - 4 inches of intimate length permanently."

I don't know. For $24.95 I think they should also include Superhuman Strength and Immortality. Otherwise, you're really not getting your money's worth.

The seller provides a teaser about what the method is that allows you to achieve all of these powers:
If the desire is strong and the mind’s will is directed upon the task, the universe will satisfy the desire and the desire will become reality. Ask and you will receive. Unbelievably, when asked with intent willpower, the universe provides solutions and fulfills desires!

Hmm. Could the seller possibly be Oprah Winfrey?
Categories: eBay
Posted by The Curator on Mon Sep 10, 2007
If the cures for baldness really work, wouldn't you only need one of them?
Posted by Laura  on  Mon Sep 10, 2007  at  02:18 PM
Just remember what happened to The Invisible Man as H.G. Wells recounted the story. Besides, once invisible, how can YOU see anything? Either the light goes right through you, so no interaction with eyeballs, or gets bent around you still with no interaction with eyeballs. Either that or the eyeballs, or at least the pupils, are visible. Don't sound like fun to me.
Posted by Christopher Cole  in  Tucson, AZ  on  Mon Sep 10, 2007  at  06:30 PM
Thanks for the Oprah joke, Alex. I'm getting really tired of The Oprah thinking she's the Universal Interpreter of How The Universe Works for the rest of us poor upright apes.

She has her own channel on satellite radio and I want to retch every time I hear the promos for it in which The Oprah "explains" how the Law of Attraction works "like a magnet" to draw like to like. Unfortunately, magnets actually attract OPPOSITES, which is just the first of several reasons why the so-called "Law of Attraction" is utter nonsense.

OK, rant off.
Posted by Cranky Media Guy  on  Mon Sep 10, 2007  at  09:40 PM
"Moral purposes only" huh? Heh, now you asked for it.

Um. Morals are not a set standard, they're defined person to person.
Let's say, for example, your morals include waking up, having breakfast, reading the newspaper, feeding the cat and chatting with the neighbors for a few minutes. Then feel that it's within your morals to go down the local Wendy's and take a nice big greasy steaming shit right in the salad bar.
Seriously, you'd think its great to go down there, hover over on top of the salad bar..Maybe pulling your buttcheeks apart with your hands..and having the pleasure to squeeze out a fudge dragon!

You wouldn't like it to walk in there with your family, gramma wants a salad, and instead there's a huge wet stinking mud-monkey just sitting there steaming and sitting on top of what was supposed to be the lettuce, Like it's laughing at you! I mean come on, you might as well have just laid a nice big meaty chocolate hot dog right on Dave Thomas's head!

Lemme ask you a question: How would you like it if the person came into your house and squatted over your mom's face and just nailed a nice big chud right in the middle, wouldn't like it very much, huh, HUH?? Yeah thats right. You dont fool me. Not for a second.

(Yeah, back in high school i had a small group of friends, and we would take dumps on the floor and in the urinals of the bathroom. A lot of our lunchroom conversations were spent talking about the acomplishments from the morning. One of 'em even managed to get one in the sink. God it was awful, I could almost smell it just by the pictures, lol. Some other dude we never got to meet liked smearing curse words on the walls with his own shit..I wonder where he is now. It was always funny going into the bathroom and seeing "*Principals name* Is A Faggot" written entirely in last nights digested burritos from god knows who.)
Posted by River Styx  in  USA  on  Mon Sep 10, 2007  at  11:01 PM
check here for the REAL secret of invisibility. this one really works. no kidding.
http://hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Be-Invisible
Posted by CJ Stone  on  Thu Jun 19, 2008  at  03:47 PM
Commenting is not available in this channel entry.
All text Copyright © 2014 by Alex Boese, except where otherwise indicated. All rights reserved.