Panexa

Status: Parody
image Panexa is a drug you need to take, no matter what may, or may not be, wrong with you. As the Panexa site states:

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your lifestyle is one of the biggest factors in choosing how to live. Why trust it to anything less? Panexa is proven to provide more medication to those who take it than any other comparable solution. Panexa is the right choice, the safe choice. The only choice.

Now, Panexa is pretty obviously a parody of pharmaceutical advertising. For those to whom this isn't immediately clear, the Important Safety Information listed on the site should remove all doubts. (Side effects include: shiny, valuable feces composed of aluminum and studded with diamonds and sapphire... everything you think you see becomes a Tootsie Roll to you... inability to distinguish the colors 'taupe' and 'putty.') The Panexa site was created by Jason Torchinsky, who's a member of the comedy group the Van Gogh-Goghs and a contributor to Stay Free! Magazine (which interviewed me a couple of months ago, though I don't know if the interview ever ran in the magazine).

However, the parody was apparently lost on CafePress, which Stay Free! Magazine was using to sell Panexa t-shirts. Carrie McLaren, the editor of Stay Free!, reports that:

After a reader sent me a note wondering what happened to our Panexa merchandise, I noticed that Cafepress has removed it due to copyright and trademark infringement!... Apparently, one of the genuises in Cafepress's police division thinks Panexa is an actual product and that we are infringing. I sent Cafepress an email about this and am awaiting a response.

Maybe there are new copyright laws that prohibit anyone from making fun of pharmaceutical companies. Wouldn't surprise me a bit. (via J-Walk)

Health/Medicine Websites

Posted on Thu Nov 03, 2005


Comments

This is hillarious, lol......
Posted by X  on  Thu Nov 03, 2005  at  10:43 AM
Steve Martin did something like this in his book Pure Drivel years ago. I think his version was a lot funnier.
Posted by Jeff C  on  Thu Nov 03, 2005  at  11:16 AM
Never thought I'd see the words 'Steve Martin' and funny in the same sentence 😉
Posted by Sharruma  on  Thu Nov 03, 2005  at  11:18 AM
"Never thought I'd see the words 'Steve Martin' and funny in the same sentence."

. . .And actually, until your comment, you hadn't.
Posted by Gearyster  on  Thu Nov 03, 2005  at  11:45 AM
Great site. I like their Sprawl-Mart T-shirts too, although $18.99 is a bit pricey to protest corporate consumption.
Posted by Elizabeth  on  Thu Nov 03, 2005  at  11:48 AM
Gearyster is right, I said funnier.
Posted by Jeff C  on  Thu Nov 03, 2005  at  02:11 PM
It wasn't in the same sentence anyway. Though "drivel" was. 😉
Posted by Peter  on  Thu Nov 03, 2005  at  02:54 PM
That website's hilarious. Has anyone called the number to report a bad squirrel tail?

"If you are a squirrel, and suspect you may be suffering from EFTS, immediately call the Hotline at 1-800-867-5309."
Posted by Reynard Muldrake  on  Thu Nov 03, 2005  at  03:17 PM
Fair enough 😊
Posted by Sharruma  on  Thu Nov 03, 2005  at  06:30 PM
Does anyone recognize that phone number?
Especially without the 1-800 part?
Do you need a hint?
Posted by Mike  on  Fri Nov 04, 2005  at  01:56 PM
Mike... Oh.
Posted by Reynard Muldrake  on  Sat Nov 05, 2005  at  09:15 AM
I found it hard to stop laughing for five minutes after reading this. Enjoy.

"WHEN PANEXA SHOULD NOT BE USED:
There are no known medical circumstances (based on extensive internal testing) in which PANEXA cannot be used. However, PANEXA is not quite as aggressively recommended in the following circumstances:
PANEXA should not be used as a physical aid to set a broken bone, as in the case of a splint;
PANEXA should not be used as a substitute for real human relationships; the tablets (and gel-coated caplets) are incapable of displaying any real emotion, and would prove to be dissatisfying friends or mates;
PANEXA should not be used to soak up spills or remove stains. This is disrespectful to PANEXA;
PANEXA should not be resold with the intent of generating a personal profit;
PANEXA should not be used a form of motive transport, as it lacks the government regulated (US DOT 1445/88-4557) safety lights and reflectors;
Women with uteruses should consider avoiding PANEXAor moving to a state or province where the concentration of PANEXA is lesser;
Do not taunt PANEXA."
Posted by Carmen  on  Sat Nov 05, 2005  at  07:15 PM
It's the Tommy Tutone song!
Jenny, Jenny!!!

Cmon people!!!
Posted by Mike  on  Mon Nov 07, 2005  at  07:48 AM
hahah...
Posted by Eva  on  Tue Feb 28, 2006  at  03:49 PM
When I was little, my mom used to date some guy with that number...
Posted by Meerkat  on  Sun Aug 13, 2006  at  05:06 PM
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