Molested By Bigfoot

57-year-old Gene Morrill was charged with soliciting 13-year-old boys over the internet. He pleaded guilty, but in his defense noted that he himself had been molested as a child -- by Bigfoot! The Free Lance-Star reports:

Morrill told an investigator preparing his pre-sentence report about being sexually assaulted by the legendary Bigfoot, a North American folklore character said to be between 7 and 10 feet tall, and covered in dark brown or dark reddish hair. Patton [his defense attorney] said Morrill really believes the assault happened.

It was probably a strategy to get a reduced sentence due to mental incompetence, but it didn't work. He was sentenced to twenty years.

Quite a few people, men and women, have claimed over the years that they were abducted and molested by Bigfoot. The most famous was the Canadian prospector Albert Ostman, who said that Bigfoot abducted him and held him prisoner for six days for breeding purposes. Brian Helme submitted a haiku to the site a few years ago inspired by this theme:

Bigfoot, he saw me.
Grabbed me and ran far away.
I’ll be his boy toy.

Cryptozoology Sex/Romance

Posted on Sun Mar 30, 2008


Comments

And I'm sure that somewhere out there is a website dedicated to those who fantasize about BigFoot...

*shudders*
Posted by Nettie  on  Sun Mar 30, 2008  at  06:30 PM
y'know, I've been surfing my furry little head off for a couple of hours now, and somewhere along the line I grazed an article about a man from New Zealand who is in trouble with the police for claiming he was Raped By A Wombat, and as a result, he now speaks "Australian". The New Zealander, not the Wombat. The New Zealander was raped and now speaks Australian. Better. I don't know what happened to the Wombat, but if he's still prone to rape, I suggest he stopped. The Wombat, not the New Zealander. Well, he should stop, too. God only knows what he did to provoke that poor Wombat, like walking saucily, or winking, or mouthing words from across the room like: "Oooh, Wom-Bats... I LIKE Wom Bats". Not that any of that excuses Wombat Rape, but, jeez, they're frickin' Wombats, and they have no couth. Bigfoot, on the other hand, should be ashamed of himself. Or get a Wombat. Bigfoot, not the- forget it.
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Sun Mar 30, 2008  at  06:43 PM
The sad thing is - The guy probably was molested as a child... By some guy in the woods... and through the simple process of disassociation with the event has turned the perpetrator into big foot, when really it was probaby just some sick old guy with "dark brown or dark reddish hair"...
Posted by Puck  on  Sun Mar 30, 2008  at  07:10 PM
I was at work on that day. Honestly. I have witnesses
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Sun Mar 30, 2008  at  07:28 PM
Charlton Heston was the first celebrity to have been assaulted by Big Foot, and to have captured it on film... No, wait. That was a scene from Planet of the Apes... Nevermind.
Posted by Christopher  on  Mon Mar 31, 2008  at  03:48 PM
I've had a couple of dates that ended up at home and when the clothes came off I wasn't sure if I'd brought Big Foot home...
Posted by David B.  on  Mon Mar 31, 2008  at  05:36 PM
I, Raoul, The Psychic Gangster of Love, have had many the way with many the lovers, but I have never brought this Bigfoot home to my house for love... I think, David, you need some new eye glass, okay bro? Hah, ha ha, I am really too sorry, you squinter at naked Bigfoots! Ha ha hah, no, really, you should make sure it was not your lassie dog, you Bigfoot nuzzler! Ow, ow... ow... that is too much for me, I am sore now and have popped the velcro on my sans-a-belts... Rrrraoul
Posted by Raoul  on  Mon Mar 31, 2008  at  11:16 PM
Rrrraoul... what the hell
Posted by Jackie  on  Wed Apr 02, 2008  at  03:20 PM
Lulu had a steamboat, steamboat had a bell, Raoul makes a bigfoots joke, Jackie say what the hell. Words to the mother. Rrrraoul
Posted by Raoul  on  Wed Apr 02, 2008  at  11:53 PM
Judge to Morrill:
"Come on, Gene, you think you're the only one here who's been molested by Bigfoot? Quit your whining."
Posted by Big Gary  on  Thu Apr 03, 2008  at  06:43 PM
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