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It’s Right-Sizing, not Down-Sizing
Status: corporate b.s.
Media Agency Carat recently decided to lay off some of its employees. PowerPoint and Word documents somehow leaked out detailing how management planned to inform employees and clients of the decision. They offer an example of corporate b.s. at its finest. Details include:• The agency wasn't going to be down-sizing. Instead, the documents repeatedly described the moves as a "right-sizing" of the agency.
• Clients were to be informed of the "staffing change" with this script: "Mary Smith will be moving off your business. Now that we understand your business better, we are replacing her with someone whom we feel will be a better partner for you."
• The remaining "critical talent," who might understandably be "questioning if this is the right place for them to build their careers" were to be reassured with this script, "The actions we had to take, although unfortunate, were necessary to right-size the company and ... bring in the skill sets we need to effectively service our business and future client needs."
Full details at AdAge.
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Categories: Business/Finance, Literature/Language Posted by Alex on Thu Sep 11, 2008 |
Comments (11) |
| More from the Hoax Museum Archives: | |||
"Down-sizing" is, of course, itself a euphemism for layoffs, which is a euphemism for "firing a bunch of people."
Posted by Big Gary in Enron, Texas on Thu Sep 11, 2008 at 01:17 PM
Alex, please let us know if the website requires registration. It's mildly irritating. Great story, though.
Posted by Vitajex on Thu Sep 11, 2008 at 05:28 PM
This is the kind of thing that causes unstable now-former employees to come back to the office with a rifle.
That kind of psychosis is indefensible, but insulting people by telling them they've been "right-sized" is another insulting slap in the face when their source of income has just been taken away from them and they're terrified about their future.
Posted by Cranky Media Guy on Thu Sep 11, 2008 at 07:40 PM
That kind of psychosis is indefensible, but insulting people by telling them they've been "right-sized" is another insulting slap in the face when their source of income has just been taken away from them and they're terrified about their future.
"Right-sizing"
hmmm...
*makes note for his next spamrun*
Posted by Unfairly Balanced in Earth on Fri Sep 12, 2008 at 04:42 AM
hmmm...
*makes note for his next spamrun*
I'm not sure how this qualifies as a hoax - or even unusual. Anybody who has built their career in corporate America has long since become use to this evolution of spin. It is like Carlin's explanation of going from "shell shock" to "post-traumatic stress disorder."
Posted by forthright on Fri Sep 12, 2008 at 07:42 AM
This is the same bs wording that the fortune 500 company I worked for used in the last 4 layoffs. I do not think they qualift as fortune 500 anymore...
Posted by Nat on Fri Sep 12, 2008 at 09:18 AM
Hmmm, and now I can see the article by following the link.
So, it's not you... it's them...
Posted by Vitajex on Fri Sep 12, 2008 at 04:00 PM
So, it's not you... it's them...
Now that I read the memo, though, I don't wonder at all why this company is losing profits. There are SO MANY typos! I've never seen so many typos in one document before!
Posted by Vitajex on Fri Sep 12, 2008 at 04:03 PM
Hmm, I used "insulting" twice in the same sentence. Bad CMG! Bad!
Posted by Cranky Media Guy on Sat Sep 13, 2008 at 03:29 AM
There is a legal difference between a layoff and a firing, at least in the States. If laid off, you receive unemployment insurance (and can theoretically be called back if the business needs more people later, although that never happens to anyone). If fired for cause, you do not get unemployment compensation.
Posted by Carl Fink on Sat Sep 13, 2008 at 11:03 PM
The British Civil Service switched from using "down-sizing" to "other-sizing" in the early 1990s.
Posted by Robert N in London, UK on Mon Sep 15, 2008 at 07:18 AM
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