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Chuck Norris Facts
Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.
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Categories: Celebrities, Folklore/Tall Tales Posted by Alex on Fri Jan 13, 2006 |
Comments (280) |
| More from the Hoax Museum Archives: | |||
hmm i searched for Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked on google it came up with 495,000 results...
Posted by Idunno on Fri Apr 14, 2006 at 03:15 AM
Castor Troy owns Chuck Norris' soul.
Posted by pollucks on Fri Apr 14, 2006 at 03:05 PM
chuck norris doesn't t-bag girls......he potatosacks them
Posted by harry knutzack in california on Mon Apr 17, 2006 at 06:02 PM
Click the link, these are a lot like Chuck Norris facts but animated, weird.
http://www.doctordelicious.com/littleknownfactsmain.html
Posted by rebusjoe on Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 03:36 AM
http://www.doctordelicious.com/littleknownfactsmain.html
Wow, the fact thet anyone could possibly perceive that something stating "The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan is loosely based on games of Dodgeball Chuck Norris Played in second grade" is actually serious is a serious loser. You don't get out much, do you RAMcHYLD? You Know that weird yellow thing in the sky every time you go get Bawls before dark? That is the sun. Maybe if you saw it more often, women would not run in fear of you.
Posted by Sinnfeinster in Seatle, Wa on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 07:28 AM
Get over yourself, Sinnfeinster. It was a joke, get over it.
Posted by Dan on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:10 PM
Chuck Norris is the only human being that Bill O'Reily of The O'Reily factor will agree with. It's not that Chuck Norris is right about everything. It's because, Chuck Norris controls the media and, therefore he controls Bill O'Reily. Before, the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by P.J. in Salt Lake on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 02:25 PM
Some people think that comets come from outerspace and, are responsible for bringing the building blocks of life to Earth. In reality comets are actually kidney stones that Chuck Norris passed many years ago but, they are responsible for life as we know it.
Posted by P.J. in Salt Lake on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 02:40 PM
Long ago there was nothingness and, Chuck Norris didn't have anything to roundhouse kick so, he created the universe. In closing, the meaning of life it self is to be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris. End of story.
Posted by P.J. in Salt Lake on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 02:50 PM
Chuck Norris once challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck Norris remains undefeated.
Posted by Crystal in California on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 11:53 PM
The premise of the show 24, staring Keifer Sutherland, is actually based on the true life story of Chuck Norris' beard.
Posted by P.J. in Salt Lake on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 09:42 AM
chuk norris is chuk norrris duh by the way chuk norris is not all people think he is the jokes are old stop telling them already
Posted by beemlord in florida on Tue May 02, 2006 at 03:24 PM
I found this facts generator too! LOL can't get enough chuck!
http://www.ninjadude.com/chuck-norris-facts-generator.php
Posted by Stephen in colorado on Wed May 10, 2006 at 04:26 AM
http://www.ninjadude.com/chuck-norris-facts-generator.php
chuck is dumb
Posted by roberto on Wed May 10, 2006 at 08:18 AM
chuck norris was going to be on the next UFC pay per view, but when his opponent was told he was fighting the chuck he immediatly tapped out.
Posted by kent on Thu May 11, 2006 at 12:02 AM
one day chuck norris was in the forest looking for hippies to use as firewood, when he came across a wild boar. He telekinetically lifted the boar into the air with his mind and gutted it.
Posted by eballa on Fri May 12, 2006 at 03:58 PM
Boo.
Posted by Chuck Norris in Behind You on Sat May 13, 2006 at 03:56 PM
Actually, by now there are 2 image results for "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked," but neither of them have anything to do with what their titled. It's probably your fault, as with web pages about asses being kicked popped up when you said there weren't any. But whatever.
I bet someday there will be a nut that will kick poor Chuck Norris in the ass, just for so, because of everybody talking about it
And he won't be able to roundhouse kick and kill him because, realistically, that's illegal.
And then somebody will take a picture and post it on Google. Old un-updated Chuck Norris sites will look stupid(er) because there are millions of controdictions to popular jokes.
But whatever, go on with your stupid jokes and have fun. Buttbrains.
Posted by the Nerd Table's official Pimp in Virginny. on Sat May 13, 2006 at 04:23 PM
I bet someday there will be a nut that will kick poor Chuck Norris in the ass, just for so, because of everybody talking about it
And he won't be able to roundhouse kick and kill him because, realistically, that's illegal.
And then somebody will take a picture and post it on Google. Old un-updated Chuck Norris sites will look stupid(er) because there are millions of controdictions to popular jokes.
But whatever, go on with your stupid jokes and have fun. Buttbrains.
CHECK OUT www.thepeon.com AND GO TO JOKES, AT THE TOP, THERE IS A GIANT LIST OF CHUCK NORRIS JOKES. HILLARIOUS!!!
Posted by Noah H. in sprinfield Illinois on Sun May 14, 2006 at 05:16 PM
chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad
chuck norris went to the virgin islands and wen he left it was just the islands
Posted by nick in virginia on Sun May 14, 2006 at 09:17 PM
chuck norris went to the virgin islands and wen he left it was just the islands
HEY DONT MAKE FU OF CANADA IN THAT JOKE ON THE FIRST PAGE!
Posted by bob on Wed May 17, 2006 at 06:48 PM
Chuck Norris once cried for 40 days and 40 nights.
Posted by jj blankenship on Fri May 19, 2006 at 11:00 PM
lol, I came here cuz I searched for "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked." this is POINTLESS! I was at YTMND and it showed the same thing with 0 results. yes, I'm gullible sometimes, I wanted to try it. trust me, I'm an idiot and have a bunch of idiotic cheer friends: 
yeah...so this is pointless...I think...
Posted by Emily in behind you, about to stab you on Sat May 20, 2006 at 07:35 PM
yeah...so this is pointless...I think...
Chuck Norris got bored with the UFC, so he started his own fighting organization, the World Combat League, aka Kicboxing on Steroids.
www.worldcombatleague.com
*Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
Posted by Bob Wall v.2 in New York on Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 02:54 AM
www.worldcombatleague.com
*Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
When Chuck Norris 'insert stupid everyday trivia' something something round-house kick 'insert fragile part of the body or a fact that will chock all positivists'. Now, laugh!
Posted by Michel Foucault in Somewhere between death and Denmark on Wed Jun 07, 2006 at 12:39 PM
Yes, it is true.
I am, indeed, Chuck Norris's love child.
Posted by Chiquita Norrison in *Location cannot be revealed as privacy must be re on Sun Jun 18, 2006 at 08:27 PM
I am, indeed, Chuck Norris's love child.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Posted by t in ss on Thu Jun 22, 2006 at 06:49 AM
DID YOU GUYS KNOW, THAT CHUCK NORRIS SLEEPS WITH A NIGHTLIGHT, NOT BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF THE DARK, BUT BECAUSE THE DARK IS AFRAID OF CHUCK NORRIS!!! AHAHAHAHA! WTF IT IS SOO FUNNY! HAVE YOU GUYS EVER HEARD THAT ONE?
Posted by boochi boo on Sat Jun 24, 2006 at 01:50 AM
we get it, chuck norris is a god, all gods have giant genitals and give everyone round house kicks to the face, do we really need ten thousand nerds like me making repetitive jokes about it!!! by the way chuck noris doesnt go hunting huntting implyes a chance of failure chuck noris goes killing.
Posted by sum guy in glen ellyn ,Il on Wed Jul 05, 2006 at 11:57 AM
Chuck Norris's penis is so big, it has its own penis
Posted by sch1tz0 in santa cruz on Sun Jul 09, 2006 at 12:42 AM