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Chuck Norris Facts
Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.
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Categories: Celebrities, Folklore/Tall Tales Posted by Alex on Fri Jan 13, 2006 |
Comments (280) |
| More from the Hoax Museum Archives: | |||
It was acutally because of Chuck Norris that Mary got pregnant.
Posted by dan demers in Welland Ont on Wed Mar 01, 2006 at 06:06 PM
chuck norris waits and wathes for you who question his ass kicking powers
Posted by cole in maiden high school on Fri Mar 03, 2006 at 08:19 AM
chuck norris died ten years ago, death is to afraid to tell him
Posted by brad on Sat Mar 04, 2006 at 01:24 AM
...Chuck Norris invented the sea-section when he round-house kicked his way out of the womb
Posted by ????? in ????? on Mon Mar 06, 2006 at 02:44 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by J in Norway on Tue Mar 07, 2006 at 03:10 PM
chuck norris once slept with and entire covenant of nuns 20 years later the champion miami dolphins were created
Posted by wang in batmans layer on Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 05:17 PM
chuck norris recently had the idea of seling his urine as a canned bevrage. We know this drink as Red Bull.
Posted by wang in batmans layer on Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 05:19 PM
chuck norris never missspells a word. if he does, he simply changes the spelling.
Posted by wang in batmans layer on Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 05:25 PM
"chuck norris has counted to infinity. twice."
Posted by the king in nj,usa on Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 06:06 PM
The reason 12:00 flashs on your VCR is because Chuck Norris sneeks into everyones home and round-house kicks it....
and he is the only one who can stop it.
Posted by person#2 in aol.com on Thu Mar 09, 2006 at 09:35 PM
and he is the only one who can stop it.
Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. So if you mess with Chuck Norris, then you will have to go through Chuck Norris.
Posted by Name Here on Fri Mar 10, 2006 at 12:33 PM
Chuck Noris Likes to kniting sweaters in his spare time and by kniting I mean kicking and by sweaters I mean babies
Posted by Joe Kickass in Somewhere on Fri Mar 10, 2006 at 08:48 PM
i googled "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" and got 324,000 results... grown alot since december 05 when it was about 30
Posted by joe in fl on Sun Mar 12, 2006 at 06:07 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, wet gets Chuck Norris.
Posted by GFORCE on Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:01 PM
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding...
Posted by SilverTalonā¼ on Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 01:01 PM
to all you dick fucks who think chuck norris was trained by bruce lee, he wasnt, he was trained to his low level of martial arts capabilities and the Bruce Li Martial Arts Academy, a common martial arts school around the country
Posted by joe on Tue Mar 14, 2006 at 08:34 PM
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Posted by BamfManiac on Tue Mar 14, 2006 at 09:15 PM
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
you people are so pathetic
Posted by your mom on Tue Mar 14, 2006 at 11:10 PM
If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a tree in a forest, EVERYONE hears it fall!
Posted by S&S in South Africa on Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 05:50 AM
Ever heard of a little place called the Grand Canyon? Chuck Norris makes love to it. Nightly.
Posted by Tek Jansen on Thu Mar 16, 2006 at 06:11 AM
chuck norris wantas to get you!remember kids.. when chuck norris farts entire cities are destoryed
Chuck Norris never wears a condom. There is no such thing as protection against Chuck Norris.
If a tree falls in a forrest, does anybody hear it? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it.
There is no such thing as a lesbian. Only a woman who hasn't met Chuck Norris yet.
Posted by ice9 on Thu Mar 16, 2006 at 04:08 PM
If a tree falls in a forrest, does anybody hear it? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it.
There is no such thing as a lesbian. Only a woman who hasn't met Chuck Norris yet.
chuck noris dosent read books. he stares at them until he gets the information he wants.
Posted by mason on Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 09:26 AM
you guys can be such online drama douchebags.. just tell some chuck norris jokesChuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
shutup or i'll put you on my kill list, then you'll be dead. roundhouse kick and out.
Posted by chuck norris in everywhere on Sun Mar 26, 2006 at 06:32 PM
Of course they had to kick the snot out of everyone! All "action" movies are like that.My all-time favorite was the " Kung-Fu" TV show starring David Carradine. He was a skinny little Chinese monk, very spiritual, but then some braying jack-ass of a cowboy would just CROSS THE LINE and Mr. Peaceful would have to POUND HIM, very peacefully of course!
Posted by Champy45 in Chicago on Wed Mar 29, 2006 at 05:25 PM
Cuck norris uses 8 / 12 pieces of ply wood to whipe his ass
Posted by GT Ward in austin texas on Sun Apr 02, 2006 at 03:42 AM
OHh Yehhh, Chuck Norris. The only man to ever slam a revolving door. Chuck norris doesnt chew on pop rocks, he chews on Bullets.
Posted by marlin on Wed Apr 12, 2006 at 05:34 PM
In the begining of time, before all else, God said let there be light, and of course Chuck Norris said, "Say Please!"
Posted by marlin on Wed Apr 12, 2006 at 05:38 PM
this is for you topic creater
http://chucknorrisfansretarded.ytmnd.com/
Posted by topic creator is dumb in nonya on Wed Apr 12, 2006 at 10:20 PM
http://chucknorrisfansretarded.ytmnd.com/