Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


Comments

chuck norris doesnt chuck, he fucks
Posted by john  on  Fri Dec 07, 2007  at  09:12 PM
As legend has it, if you scratch your balls, then rub Chuck Norris's beard while calling him a panzy. You will become the smartest man alive. Then so that all is made right the universe will correct it's self and knock you down a peg. Don't believe me ask Steven Hawkins.
Posted by Courtney  on  Thu Dec 13, 2007  at  08:33 PM
Those are Used jokes this is origonal.The red sea is red because Chuck Norris Lived there For 0000000001 Sec.The reason why u Float in the red sea is because is becaus Chuck Norris wants to "Hide" the evidence.The FBI already Knows Their just to scared to tell Chuck.
Posted by IreshMan 37  on  Thu Dec 27, 2007  at  05:24 PM
When Chuck Norris walks, he isn't moving forward, but spinning the earth with his feet. With this, Chuck Norris inspired the log-run and the treadmill.
Posted by Matux  on  Thu Jan 03, 2008  at  02:53 PM
People always wonder what would happen if chuck norris was black

Its simple, if chuck norris was black white people would have been the slaves
Posted by TJ  on  Thu Jan 17, 2008  at  07:14 PM
Chuck Norris once ran 10,000 mph... in slow motion.
Posted by FredFredBurger  on  Sat Jan 19, 2008  at  11:33 PM
In 1972 a man asked Chuck Norris after the release of Way of the Dragon "what was it like to get your ass kicked." He was promptly round house kicked so hard that he was the first object to leave the solar system not Pioneer 10. Chuck Norris just lets all of us believe that Pioneer 10 was the first.
Posted by Jon  on  Thu Jan 24, 2008  at  05:06 PM
Chuck Norris pees sitting down because he can!
Posted by Bribo  on  Fri Jan 25, 2008  at  05:54 AM
When a werwolf looks at a full moon he turns into Chuck Norris!
Posted by REUBEN STEVENS  on  Tue Jan 29, 2008  at  11:28 AM
People pray to god, God prays to Chuck Norris
Posted by DITES  on  Wed Jan 30, 2008  at  04:13 PM
The UN have put sanctions on Iran......because they fear they are trying to develop a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick!!!!!!
Posted by DITES  on  Wed Jan 30, 2008  at  04:19 PM
Reincarnation occurs when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you in2 your next life
Posted by DITES  on  Wed Jan 30, 2008  at  04:40 PM
Chuck Norris does not get constipated, His shits just to scared to come out
Posted by DITES  on  Wed Jan 30, 2008  at  04:48 PM
"Chuck Norris once ate four 72. oz steaks in one hour, but had sex with the waitress for the first forty five minutes."
Posted by Chris Wiese  on  Mon Feb 04, 2008  at  07:12 AM
Is there an official Chuck Norris Submission procedure. If not, I'm starting here with...

Little girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice. Little boys are made of slugs and snails and puppy-dog's tails. Chuck Norris is made of four Bengal tigers and a gorilla.
Posted by Funtboy  on  Tue Feb 05, 2008  at  10:49 AM
'Roundhouse Kick' is an anagram of 'Chuck Norris'. If you choose to not believe this, the anagram will manifest itself in sentient form and roundhouse kick you to death.
Posted by Funtboy  on  Wed Feb 06, 2008  at  05:47 AM
Chuck Norris does not cut his grass,he stares at it and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can kick you in the back of the face.
Posted by bob  on  Mon Feb 11, 2008  at  11:28 PM
What the hell is a chuck norris?? y'all should be doing better things for your self like getting laid other than saying crap about chuck fuckin norris. tell chuck norris I said HE SUCKS!,

if i don't send another post, then i'm dead... killed by chuck norris
Posted by Toby  on  Fri Feb 15, 2008  at  01:41 PM
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors, he is dividable by zero, and he can pull a wheelie on a unicycle. He has two speeds; walk, and kill. At the dawn of time, when God said let there be light, Chuck Norris said "Say please."
Posted by Gman  on  Wed Feb 20, 2008  at  05:49 AM
God rest all your souls for i believe you all have parished from your trash talk of the man. We know as sir kills'alot. RIP my internet buddies.
Posted by caper  on  Fri Feb 29, 2008  at  09:18 PM
Elvis imitated chuck norris.
Posted by Jeff  on  Thu Mar 06, 2008  at  12:15 PM
Chuck Norris watches 60 minutes in 35.
Posted by Jeff  on  Thu Mar 06, 2008  at  12:17 PM
Chuck Norris' foreskin saved 455 burn victims.
Posted by Jeff  on  Thu Mar 06, 2008  at  12:19 PM
Chuck Norris ate the cross and shit toothpicks. (for your sins)
Posted by Jeff  on  Thu Mar 06, 2008  at  12:20 PM
The first thing that popped up when I entered "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" in Google, was of the Bruce Lee film where Chuck had it handed to him by the ORIGINAL bad-ass. Hey now!
Posted by DUde  on  Mon Mar 10, 2008  at  09:08 AM
Chuck Norris can win a hockey game 8-0.....in OT.

Chuck Norris' hockey team is always on a powerplay because, well, it's Chuck Norris' team.
Posted by Chuck  on  Wed Mar 12, 2008  at  04:54 PM
A long time ago, Chuck Norris's great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather punched a raccoon in the eyes, they are still black to this day !
Posted by john Wooder  on  Tue Mar 18, 2008  at  03:35 PM
In World WarII Germany heard of Chuck Norris and tryed to clone him.The closest they ever got was Mel Gibson
Posted by Dean Smith  on  Tue Mar 18, 2008  at  09:31 PM
Chuck Norris can win "The Game"
Posted by Don't Worry 'Bout Me  on  Thu Mar 20, 2008  at  09:40 PM
Yo' momma' was so ugly... until Chuck Norris gave her a roundhouse kick in the face; then she became pretty.
Posted by Tara Nicole  on  Sat Mar 22, 2008  at  12:23 PM
One time I thought that I killed Chuck Norris, but then I realised I was decieved... I only got near him and then realised that I was dead.

This message is really written by Chuck Norris explaining the last few moments of one of his victims.
Posted by Goose  on  Tue Apr 01, 2008  at  12:58 AM
Chuck Norris is the twin brother of Christ.
Posted by buzzcola  on  Sun Apr 13, 2008  at  08:46 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't use exercise machines. Exercise machines store his energy to use on others he deems worthy of it.
Posted by Geoff  on  Sun Apr 20, 2008  at  12:42 AM
Steroids take chuck norris
Posted by Alex  on  Mon Apr 28, 2008  at  04:59 PM
Chuck Norris beat the black out of Michael Jackson.
Posted by Alex  on  Mon Apr 28, 2008  at  05:01 PM
chuck norris ate a school for his education
chuck norris is never lost...he's MIA
a cat went into the Chuck Norris Dojo and came out an hour later as a lion
Posted by ryan  on  Tue Apr 29, 2008  at  07:43 AM
Here's a fact I just invented:

Chuck Norris once banged Lara Croft. To this day, here pelvis is still broken.
Posted by Just Me  on  Wed Apr 30, 2008  at  12:38 AM
Chuck Norris found corners in circle room.........
Posted by Nexxx011  on  Tue May 06, 2008  at  02:42 AM
Chuck Norris is not spinning while he is performing round kick.The Earth is spinning while Chuck is standing still with his leg in the air............
Posted by Nexxx011  on  Tue May 06, 2008  at  02:47 AM
Chuck Norris can pop a wheeley on a unicycle
Posted by Tommy Albrado  on  Tue May 06, 2008  at  04:01 PM
1. everyone knows how little kids wear superman pajamas but no one knew that all this time superman has been wearing chuck norris pajamas.
2. the dinosaurs mouthed chuck norris once, once.
3. chuck norris counted to infinity, twice.
4. chuck norris can slam a revolving door.
5. some say chuck norris can walk on water, but the truth behind that is he just floats above it due to the fact of the water being afraid touching him.
Posted by Isaiah "da man" norris  on  Mon May 12, 2008  at  12:42 AM
Chuck Norris can clog a port-o-potty.
Posted by Doctor Octogonopus  on  Thu May 29, 2008  at  09:26 AM
CHUCK NORRIS CAN STAB YOU WITH A GUN

CHUCK NORRIS CAN SHOOT YOU WITH A KNIFE

CHUCK NORRIS DOESN'T LOVE RAYMOND
Posted by Chuck Norris  on  Wed Jun 11, 2008  at  02:43 AM
Chuck Norris can ride his bike with no handlebars.
Posted by john smith  on  Mon Jun 16, 2008  at  11:25 AM
In 2003 Chuck Norris moved to Iraq temporarily and so George W. Bush declared war on Iraq stating Iraq had a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Posted by Matt_69420  on  Tue Jun 17, 2008  at  08:39 PM
Chuck Norris was able to watch two girls and one cup without a sound.
He has also vowed not to sleep until he has hunted them down and made them pay for the abomination they have brought upon the world
Posted by Ajax  on  Wed Jun 18, 2008  at  10:20 AM
Chuck Norris's most convincing role is his embodiment of the title character in "Twister".
Posted by pajo  on  Thu Jul 03, 2008  at  02:12 PM
chuck norris once heard people talk about playing twister, they stopped him after he killed 4 tornadoes and explained what the game really was
Posted by Tim  on  Thu Jul 03, 2008  at  05:15 PM
In India, Chuck norris movies are always a rave.
Posted by Facts about India  on  Sat Jul 12, 2008  at  05:50 AM
What will Chuck Norris wear to John McCain's inauguration? His best combat tuxedo.
Posted by Hillary Kitten  on  Sun Aug 24, 2008  at  09:07 PM
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