Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the
Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris
is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.
Comments
When Chuck fires a gun he doesn't pull the trigger, he growls and the bullets run.
you may wonder why chuck norris has never been arrested for his murders and and rapes there is a simple explination for this... the cops are scared of him
-The only hand which can beat a straight flush is Chuck Norris'.
-Chuck Norris has the best poker face of all time: he beat the 1983 poker worls series holding only a joker, a get-out-of-jail-free monopoly card, a two of clubs, a seven of diamonds and a green four from UNO.
Of course Chuck is beyond human. I've seen a couple of posters here that have said things like "Chuck Norris sucks" or even "Chuck Norris is one of the greatest". I'm pretty sure they're dead by know. Chuck have mercy.
Posted the 18th Chucktober, year 66 A.C.N.(after Chuck Norris)
http://www.fightingmaster.com/masters/brucelee/master.htm
http://www.pointsincase.com/ anti_chuck_facts.htm
This for any one who has ever watched Walker Texas Ranger."If you have ever noticed, Chuck's hat never falls off therefore defying gravity. This is because Chuck Norris is gravity. duh!
"Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition
Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history
Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol
Remember:Chuck Norris giveth,Chuck Norris Taketh away.
(original postingas far as I can find)
Meditate on this.
😊
😊
😊
😊
Chuck Norris can make music with an air guitar.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you 25 hours a day.
Chuck Norris once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
Chuck Norris named the group Sha Na Na. They did NOT want to be called that...
If you drop a phonograph needle on Chuck Norris's nipple, it plays the theme-song to Armageddon.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Once Chuck Norris went looking for a bar and he couldn't find one. Finally he found a vacant lot and said, 'Here we go.' He sat there for a year and a half