Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


Comments

:ahhh: chuck norris wantas to get you!

remember kids.. when chuck norris farts entire cities are destoryed
Posted by bob  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  07:36 AM
Chuck Norris never wears a condom. There is no such thing as protection against Chuck Norris.

If a tree falls in a forrest, does anybody hear it? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it.

There is no such thing as a lesbian. Only a woman who hasn't met Chuck Norris yet.
Posted by ice9  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  02:08 PM
chuck noris dosent read books. he stares at them until he gets the information he wants.
Posted by mason  on  Fri Mar 17, 2006  at  07:26 AM
:down: you guys can be such online drama douchebags.. just tell some chuck norris jokes

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Posted by Dab  on  Wed Mar 22, 2006  at  04:21 PM
shutup or i'll put you on my kill list, then you'll be dead. roundhouse kick and out.
Posted by chuck norris  on  Sun Mar 26, 2006  at  04:32 PM
Of course they had to kick the snot out of everyone! All "action" movies are like that.My all-time favorite was the " Kung-Fu" TV show starring David Carradine. He was a skinny little Chinese monk, very spiritual, but then some braying jack-ass of a cowboy would just CROSS THE LINE and Mr. Peaceful would have to POUND HIM, very peacefully of course!
Posted by Champy45  on  Wed Mar 29, 2006  at  03:25 PM
Cuck norris uses 8 / 12 pieces of ply wood to whipe his ass
Posted by GT Ward  on  Sun Apr 02, 2006  at  01:42 AM
OHh Yehhh, Chuck Norris. The only man to ever slam a revolving door. Chuck norris doesnt chew on pop rocks, he chews on Bullets.
Posted by marlin  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  04:34 PM
In the begining of time, before all else, God said let there be light, and of course Chuck Norris said, "Say Please!"
Posted by marlin  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  04:38 PM
this is for you topic creater
http://chucknorrisfansretarded.ytmnd.com/
Posted by topic creator is dumb  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  09:20 PM
hmm i searched for Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked on google it came up with 495,000 results...
Posted by Idunno  on  Fri Apr 14, 2006  at  02:15 AM
Castor Troy owns Chuck Norris' soul.
Posted by pollucks  on  Fri Apr 14, 2006  at  02:05 PM
chuck norris doesn't t-bag girls......he potatosacks them
Posted by harry knutzack  on  Mon Apr 17, 2006  at  05:02 PM
Click the link, these are a lot like Chuck Norris facts but animated, weird.

http://www.doctordelicious.com/littleknownfactsmain.html
Posted by rebusjoe  on  Wed Apr 19, 2006  at  02:36 AM
Wow, the fact thet anyone could possibly perceive that something stating "The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan is loosely based on games of Dodgeball Chuck Norris Played in second grade" is actually serious is a serious loser. You don't get out much, do you RAMcHYLD? You Know that weird yellow thing in the sky every time you go get Bawls before dark? That is the sun. Maybe if you saw it more often, women would not run in fear of you.
Posted by Sinnfeinster  on  Thu Apr 20, 2006  at  06:28 AM
Get over yourself, Sinnfeinster. It was a joke, get over it.
Posted by Dan  on  Thu Apr 20, 2006  at  12:10 PM
Chuck Norris is the only human being that Bill O'Reily of The O'Reily factor will agree with. It's not that Chuck Norris is right about everything. It's because, Chuck Norris controls the media and, therefore he controls Bill O'Reily. Before, the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by P.J.  on  Fri Apr 21, 2006  at  01:25 PM
Some people think that comets come from outerspace and, are responsible for bringing the building blocks of life to Earth. In reality comets are actually kidney stones that Chuck Norris passed many years ago but, they are responsible for life as we know it.
Posted by P.J.  on  Fri Apr 21, 2006  at  01:40 PM
Long ago there was nothingness and, Chuck Norris didn't have anything to roundhouse kick so, he created the universe. In closing, the meaning of life it self is to be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris. End of story.
Posted by P.J.  on  Fri Apr 21, 2006  at  01:50 PM
Chuck Norris once challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck Norris remains undefeated.
Posted by Crystal  on  Mon Apr 24, 2006  at  10:53 PM
The premise of the show 24, staring Keifer Sutherland, is actually based on the true life story of Chuck Norris' beard.
Posted by P.J.  on  Tue Apr 25, 2006  at  08:42 AM
chuk norris is chuk norrris duh by the way chuk norris is not all people think he is the jokes are old stop telling them already
Posted by beemlord  on  Tue May 02, 2006  at  02:24 PM
I found this facts generator too! LOL can't get enough chuck!

http://www.ninjadude.com/chuck-norris-facts-generator.php
Posted by Stephen  on  Wed May 10, 2006  at  03:26 AM
chuck is dumb
Posted by roberto  on  Wed May 10, 2006  at  07:18 AM
chuck norris was going to be on the next UFC pay per view, but when his opponent was told he was fighting the chuck he immediatly tapped out.
Posted by kent  on  Wed May 10, 2006  at  11:02 PM
one day chuck norris was in the forest looking for hippies to use as firewood, when he came across a wild boar. He telekinetically lifted the boar into the air with his mind and gutted it.
Posted by eballa  on  Fri May 12, 2006  at  02:58 PM
Boo.
Posted by Chuck Norris  on  Sat May 13, 2006  at  02:56 PM
Actually, by now there are 2 image results for "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked," but neither of them have anything to do with what their titled. It's probably your fault, as with web pages about asses being kicked popped up when you said there weren't any. But whatever.

I bet someday there will be a nut that will kick poor Chuck Norris in the ass, just for so, because of everybody talking about it

And he won't be able to roundhouse kick and kill him because, realistically, that's illegal.

And then somebody will take a picture and post it on Google. Old un-updated Chuck Norris sites will look stupid(er) because there are millions of controdictions to popular jokes.

But whatever, go on with your stupid jokes and have fun. Buttbrains.
Posted by the Nerd Table's official Pimp  on  Sat May 13, 2006  at  03:23 PM
CHECK OUT http://www.thepeon.com AND GO TO JOKES, AT THE TOP, THERE IS A GIANT LIST OF CHUCK NORRIS JOKES. HILLARIOUS!!!
Posted by Noah H.  on  Sun May 14, 2006  at  04:16 PM
chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad


chuck norris went to the virgin islands and wen he left it was just the islands
Posted by nick  on  Sun May 14, 2006  at  08:17 PM
HEY DONT MAKE FU OF CANADA IN THAT JOKE ON THE FIRST PAGE!
Posted by bob  on  Wed May 17, 2006  at  05:48 PM
Chuck Norris once cried for 40 days and 40 nights.
Posted by jj blankenship  on  Fri May 19, 2006  at  10:00 PM
lol, I came here cuz I searched for "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked." this is POINTLESS! I was at YTMND and it showed the same thing with 0 results. yes, I'm gullible sometimes, I wanted to try it. trust me, I'm an idiot and have a bunch of idiotic cheer friends:
yeah...so this is pointless...I think...
Posted by Emily  on  Sat May 20, 2006  at  06:35 PM
Chuck Norris got bored with the UFC, so he started his own fighting organization, the World Combat League, aka Kicboxing on Steroids.

http://www.worldcombatleague.com

*Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
Posted by Bob Wall v.2  on  Thu Jun 01, 2006  at  01:54 AM
When Chuck Norris 'insert stupid everyday trivia' something something round-house kick 'insert fragile part of the body or a fact that will chock all positivists'. Now, laugh!
Posted by Michel Foucault  on  Wed Jun 07, 2006  at  11:39 AM
Yes, it is true.
I am, indeed, Chuck Norris's love child.
Posted by Chiquita Norrison  on  Sun Jun 18, 2006  at  07:27 PM
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Posted by t  on  Thu Jun 22, 2006  at  05:49 AM
DID YOU GUYS KNOW, THAT CHUCK NORRIS SLEEPS WITH A NIGHTLIGHT, NOT BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF THE DARK, BUT BECAUSE THE DARK IS AFRAID OF CHUCK NORRIS!!! AHAHAHAHA! WTF IT IS SOO FUNNY! HAVE YOU GUYS EVER HEARD THAT ONE?
Posted by boochi boo  on  Sat Jun 24, 2006  at  12:50 AM
we get it, chuck norris is a god, all gods have giant genitals and give everyone round house kicks to the face, do we really need ten thousand nerds like me making repetitive jokes about it!!! by the way chuck noris doesnt go hunting huntting implyes a chance of failure chuck noris goes killing.
Posted by sum guy  on  Wed Jul 05, 2006  at  10:57 AM
Chuck Norris's penis is so big, it has its own penis
Posted by sch1tz0  on  Sat Jul 08, 2006  at  11:42 PM
Chuck Norris's penis is so big, it has its own penis, and it is still bigger than yours.
Posted by CNRK  on  Wed Jul 19, 2006  at  08:55 AM
OK I created/discovered a new "fact" and this is the only way I could get iton the internet I hope it will one day make it to a big chuck norris joke site

When Chuck fires a gun he doesn't pull the trigger, he growls and the bullets run.
Posted by Danny Kool  on  Thu Jul 20, 2006  at  10:55 PM
:lol: chuck noriis sux so much dick that when he spits a loogie cum comes out of his butthole!!!
Posted by Evan smith  on  Sat Jul 22, 2006  at  01:01 AM
if chuck norris is running late, time better slow the fuck down
Posted by lebor  on  Wed Jul 26, 2006  at  12:52 PM
chuck norris died once... he woke up several minutes latter and decided that didnt count

you may wonder why chuck norris has never been arrested for his murders and and rapes there is a simple explination for this... the cops are scared of him
Posted by steven B  on  Sun Jul 30, 2006  at  08:13 PM
chuck norris cries but he never has
Posted by Giovanni Quiles  on  Mon Aug 07, 2006  at  02:34 PM
One day a kid was cracking chuck norris jokes , and chuck norris heard him and kicked his ass!
Posted by chance  on  Thu Aug 31, 2006  at  10:28 PM
All the people that make negetive comments about Chuck Norris are only jealous because no one on this planet has ever kicked so much ass. I tell people all of the time. . "If I could kick as much ass as Chuck Norris, I would never have to work again!"
Posted by Sam  on  Sat Sep 02, 2006  at  11:45 AM
When Chuck Norris goes to Taco Bell he doesnt use hot sauce...he uses a volcano.
Posted by cody  on  Sat Sep 09, 2006  at  09:12 PM
I LOVE CHUCK NORRIS !!!!
Posted by VaginaPina  on  Sat Sep 30, 2006  at  09:36 AM
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