Hoax Museum Blog: Food

Where Is Toby? — First there was Save Toby, a site on which some guy (whose name apparently is Bion) threatened to eat his pet rabbit if he hasn't received $50,000 by June 30 (apparently he's already raised almost $30,000, which is pretty amazing, if true). Now there's Where Is Toby, on which one of Bion's friends offers to expose Bion's full contact information... for $5,000. I guess this will appeal to rabbit rights activists who want to send Bion hate mail. A while back someone also had a Cook Toby site up, but that now appears to be gone. However, Screw Toby is still up. (Thanks to David Emery for giving me a heads up about this).

Have I Murdered Hufu? — Two weeks ago I linked to the website of a company with plans to sell human-flavored tofu. I thought it was kind of funny at the time, but after posting the link I didn't think much about it until a few days ago when I received an email from Mark Nuckols, CEO of HUFU (the human tofu company). Mark requested that I remove the post about Hufu from my site, because by mentioning his product on the Museum of Hoaxes, he was concerned that people might think that Hufu wasn't real, or that it was some kind of hoax. Specifically he wrote that, "having it even come up on "museum of hoaxes" implies something not true, and as a debunker of hoaxes I am sure you don't wish to inadvertently or carelessly libel people trying to undertake the difficult enough task of starting a business."

I told Mark that I thought his product was funny and I definitely supported it, but that I wasn't about to remove the post from my site. I have a real problem about removing things from my site unless they're shown to be false.

My response didn't satisfy Mark, who is now up to his third email to me. He seems like a nice guy, and I'm not certain that he isn't pulling my leg about this whole thing (although his emails sound very serious). But he really wants the post about his company removed. In fact, he's making me feel very guilty. In his last email he said that "being on your website is going to kill this undertaking in its crib... I am sure putting our business in jeopardy is not your intent." Ouch. But I'm not ready to accept that kind of blame. Sure, my site is called the Museum of Hoaxes, but that doesn't mean that everything on it is a hoax. Plus, the question I raised is a valid one: how would any customers know if this stuff really does taste like human flesh?

Anyway, my purpose in posting about this is so that if people google 'hufu' and find my site, they'll also see this post where I'm going to state that I don't want to be responsible for the death of Hufu. I genuinely think it's a funny marketing concept, and Mark Nuckols insists that it's real. However, I still don't understand how he can know that it really tastes like human flesh.

Pope Raisin — A raisin that is the spitting image of the current pope is up for sale on eBay:

Yes My Friends, It Is Truly Amazing How This "Unmodified" Raisin Resembles The Pope In Every Way ~ Shape & Form ~ To The Smallest Detail
The Eyes, The Nose, The Ears, The Mouth
It's Like Holding The Pope's Head in Your Hand. But Smaller.

There are four days left to bid, but I think people are hesitant to make an offer because they may not want to interfere with the starting bid of $6.66.

Human-Flavored Tofu — The Dartmouth Online reports on a new business launching soon. It's Hufu, which stands for Human Tofu. This is a "type of tofu that simulates the texture and flavor of human flesh." Hufu (and, by extension, human flesh) apparently "tastes like beef but a little softer in texture and a little sweeter in taste." The article states that the company will:

initially only offer Hufu Classic Strips, which, according to Nuckols [the founder of the company], "will basically resemble the choicer flesh, which is upper arms, thighs and buttocks." Nuckols, however, assures customers that plans have been made to develop Hufu Hearts and Dr. Lector's Liver.

I'm not sure if this is a hoax in the spirit of Manbeef.com, or whether the guy is really planning to sell Hufu. He could basically sell regular tofu and call it human-flavored. Who would know the difference? He does admit that "a larger market will be for the clothing items." (thanks to Iain Cupples for the link)

Wendy’s Fingers — Many of you have probably heard by now that police have located the source of the finger that Anna Ayala found in her chili at Wendy's back in March. The finger belonged to "an acquaintance of Ayala's husband" who "lost the finger in an industrial accident in December and provided it to Ayala's husband, Jaime Plascencia." But shockingly, as Captain Platypus reports, another finger has been found in Wendy's food. This time the digit was found in one of those Wendy's Jr. Frostys that they were giving away as a promotional stunt.

Microwave Cooking is Killing You! — At this link you'll find a long essay ranting about the evils of microwave ovens. It claims that food cooked in a microwave, no matter what kind of food it is: "increases cholesterol, increases white blood cell numbers, decreases red blood cell numbers, and causes production of radiolytic compounds (compounds unknown in nature)". All sounds a bit dubious, but I'm actually more interested in one specific story told at the beginning of the article:

There was a lawsuit in 1991 in Oklahoma. A woman named Norma Levitt had hip surgery, but was killed by a simple blood transfusion when a nurse "warmed the blood for the transfusion in a microwave oven!" 

This seemed a bit unlikely to me, but a quick google search revealed that this same story, with almost the exact same wording, appears on many sites. So obviously this is a tale that the anti-microwave people have been spreading around. However, a little more searching reveals that the story isn't true. The incident did happen, but a jury found that Norma Levitt was killed by a blood clot, not by blood heated in a microwave.

Cow Urine — Apparently cow urine is the hot new drink in India. I'm not sure what people believe to be the health benefits of it, but there's a brisk market in sales of the stuff. The only problem is the nasty smell:

A few suppliers even have suggestions for battling the odour. "You can kill the smell if you add some essence while consuming it. But if you store it in a bottle again, the odour returns," says Lakshmanananda of another ashram in Gandipet, on the outskirts of the city.

Demand is so strong that it's even spawning a market for fake cow urine:

As cow urine does booming business, can the fakes be far behind? The city has a supply of about 500 litres a day, but now buffalo urine and that of other animals are being passed off as the real thing. "Spurious products have sprung up from nowhere," says Prashant Kumar Vyas, a supplier from Siddiambar bazaar.

Snake in Breakfast Food — Seems like people are suddenly finding all kinds of things in their food. A boy in England just found a two-foot long snake in the box of his breakfast cereal:

Ms Willett, who was eating breakfast with her son at the time, said she first thought the snake was a free gift.
Describing the incident, she said: "My lad, he went to open his cereal and luckily enough I was behind him because a snake popped out.
"I just screamed. I grabbed the box off him and found some Sellotape." ...
An expert called in to examine the corn snake, which is non-venomous and feeds on mice and birds, said he was sure the animal had been kept as a pet in England and had been well looked after.

She thought it was a free gift? That would be an unusual surprise toy: a Happy Meal with a free snake! (thanks to Iain and Melanie for the links about this)

Finger in Frozen Custard — In the wake of the Wendy's Finger Chili, we now have reports of a finger found in a pint of Kohl's Frozen Custard. But this incident appears to be real. The store that sold the custard admits it had an employee who lost a finger. That's the problem with hoaxes. You hear enough of them and you start to think everything is fake. Now this poor guy who found a finger in his custard has to convince everyone that he didn't make it up. (thanks to Heidi for the link).

Medieval Beer Test — The British Association for the Advancement of Science describes a test that medieval brewers supposedly used to measure how much alcohol was in beer:

To test a fermentation mixture in a brewery, pour onto a wooden seat. Sit in this puddle wearing leather breeches, while drinking more beer. Try to stand up. If breeches stick to seat, the beer will be strong. This method was used by 13th century Ale Conners, mediaeval Customs and Excise Inspectors. The stickier the mixture, the more sugar. This will produce more alcohol, so more duty is payable. Modern methods are more sophisticated, but less fun!

I suppose this would work. But whether or not medieval brewers actually did this, I don't know.

Oscar Meyer Weiner Hearse — Apparently this is not a hoax. The Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile led the funeral procession for George Molchan, a former spokesman for the company who died earlier this month. He often drove it, so it seemed fitting to include it in the ceremony (thanks to Eric for the link):

Molchan was laid to rest to the accompaniment of solemn prayers delivered in Slovenian by clergy from St. Michael Byzantine Catholic Church. But not before the 50 or so people at the Calumet Park Cemetery grave site broke into a chorus of the company theme song, "I'd love to a be an Oscar Mayer wiener," followed by a few quick blasts on miniature, hot-dog shaped whistles handed out to the crowd.

Twinkies Don’t Last Forever — This month, as I'm sure everyone is aware, is the 75th anniversary of the creation of Hostess Twinkies. To mark that anniversary it's worth linking to this article in which a Hostess marketing person tries to debunk that urban legend about how Twinkies last forever. He claims they only last 25 days. Yeah, right:

"We hear that they can survive a nuclear winter. Of course, it’s all urban legend," says Hostess marketing manager Kevin Kaul. But in fact, Interstate Brands Co., Hostess’ parent company, designates a 25-day shelf life for its most famous product. Interstate has 17 bakeries nationwide; they crank out 500 million Twinkies a year.

Mating Animal Crackers — Unfortunately bidding has already ended on the UNBELIEVABLE Mating Animal Crackers on eBay. And they went for only $12.00. I would have paid more than that for them. Seriously. I think they would have been a great mascot for the Museum of Hoaxes. After all, I assume they were Barnum Animal Crackers, and Barnum is like the patron saint of this site. So it would have fit. But my guess is that they've already been eaten by now. (The best part about buying them would have been that I could have listed 'Mating Animal Crackers' as a deduction on my taxes for this year).

Gross Things Found in Food — This entry has been moved into the Hoaxipedia.

The Tapeworm Diet — The Arizona Republic has raised an interesting question. Is it possible to use tapeworms as a diet aid? Won't the tape worm just sit in your stomach and consume all the extra food you eat, and after a while you can pull out the thing? The basic answer is no. This would not be a good idea. They go into some more details:

While a tapeworm might take in some of the food you do, it would at the same time be taking in a lot of vitamins and other nutrients you need to stay healthy. Do you know what ascites are? A big pool of fluid in your tummy caused by an immune response to something in your guts. Something like a tapeworm. It gives you a big potbelly, which runs kind of counter to the look you might be wishing for. And a tapeworm might not necessarily just set up camp in your innards. It can also cause cysts in your muscles, liver and eyes. Your eyes! So don't you think it might be easier instead to just eat a bit less and exercise a bit more?

Spider Milkshake — Here's a lovely set of images that's going around. I really wish I hadn't seen it, but too late now. It's totally safe for work, but if you have any kind of fear of spiders you might not want to look at it. The question is, is it real? Well, I suppose someone easily could have sacrificed a spider for the sake of creating the images. I don't know how else they'd create the picture with the chopped up spider bits. But in the final image it doesn't look like the guy is actually drinking the milkshake. He's just holding it up to his mouth.

Underpass Mary, Pope Toast, and Babe Ruth Cookie — Today's 'Faces Seen in Stuff' are:

1. Underpass Mary. A salt stain on the wall of an underpass in Chicago looks to many like an image of the Virgin Mary. (via Boing Boing)

2. Pope Toast: "Before we even turned on the news or opened the paper this morning, we knew that the Vatican had chosen a new pope. How? Well, as we were making toast for our breakfast, a puff of white smoke issued from the toaster. Then we were amazed to find what was surely a sign from on high: a piece of toast emblazoned with the unmistakable image of Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the new Pope Benedict XVI." (submitted by frup)

3. Babe Ruth Cookie. A cookie on eBay that supposedly bears the image of Babe Ruth. To be honest, I can't see the face in this one at all.

Rodent Cheese — The French eat many unusual things (unusual from an American perspective). For instance, just a few months ago I tried a French cheese that had a layer of ash in it. I thought it was disgusting. Kind of like eating cheese mixed with cigarette butts. However, I'm pretty sure not even the French have refined the art of Rodent Cheese:

Welcome to the fascinating world of rat cheese. The art of making cheese from lactating rodents has never been more alive than today. Still considered by some to be a luxury of the few, fine rat cheeses are becoming ever more popular. Technological advances and mechanisation have made rat-milking a relatively simple task nowadays. All the same a herd of a five hundred or so dairy rats may still only produce about a pint (568ml) of milk a day. It is little wonder then that premium rat cheeses cost as much as 80 euros a gram in some Parisian restaurants.

A clue that the site is a joke comes in this bit of political humor found under Cheese Facts:

Famous Cheese-eaters
Perhaps the most famous consumer of rodent cheese is US President, George W Bush. And although he cannot spell, pronounce, or even remember it, Fromage des Merdes is said to be his favourite.

Thanks to Dave for the link.

Pope Chicken Breast — The latest 'face seen in food' on eBay is the Pope Chicken Breast. The seller even has their own website devoted to it already. The real question is how much Golden Palace is going to pay for this thing. Here's the description of the item:

As I was about to dig into my usual lunch of my dorms "baked chicken," I quickly stopped in my tracks as my eyes met this wonderful relic. I have the utmost respect for Pope John Paul II and I could not believe the resemblance I saw between my piece of chicken breast and him. I am deeply touched that I was chosen to receive this possible visit from the Holy Father. I would now like to share this beautiful likeness of Pope John Paul II with you. And unlike all the unoriginal grilled cheese and Pope hat chips, this is the Only celebrity chicken breast on eBay at the time of listing.

Bigfoot Beer, Part 2 — About a month ago I mentioned reading about a beer named Bigfoot Barleywine-style Ale. Well, I found some of it on sale at my local beer store and just had a bottle of it. It's very good, but also very strong (almost 10% alcohol content), so I doubt that it would agree with anyone who's used to light American lagers. While I was at the store I also noticed a beer called Moose Drool, so I had to get some of that also. It'll be a night of Bigfoot and Moose Drool for me. Wish me luck.