Ssshhh! What I am about to tell you is a secret. Do not tell anyone. On Saturday, March 19, many people on the internet will hoax the world with the biggest mass UFO sighting in years. The craft will zoom around the United States and the world. What will they see? A craft with 4 lights, 2 of which blinked several colors. They will then report their sighting as happening at APPROXIMATELY (not exactly) the appropriate time, and that's it.... Report the sighting to the National UFO Reporting center by calling 206-722-3000. Do not post this information online. Only share it with 'real life' friends.

This is the exciting news about life on Mars that the media reported on Feb. 16:

A pair of NASA scientists told a group of space officials at a private meeting here that they have found strong evidence that life may exist today on Mars, hidden away in caves and sustained by pockets of water. The scientists, Carol Stoker and Larry Lemke of NASA’s Ames Research Center in Silicon Valley, told the group that they have submitted their findings to the journal Nature for publication in May, and their paper currently is being peer reviewed.

This is how NASA responsed to the news two days later:

NASA Statement on False Claim of Evidence of Life on Mars
News reports on February 16, 2005, that NASA scientists from Ames Research Center, Moffett Field, Calif., have found strong evidence that life may exist on Mars are incorrect. NASA does not have any observational data from any current Mars missions that supports this claim. The work by the scientists mentioned in the reports cannot be used to directly infer anything about life on Mars, but may help formulate the strategy for how to search for martian life. Their research concerns extreme environments on Earth as analogs of possible environments on Mars. No research paper has been submitted by them to any scientific journal asserting martian life.

Pity. Though, of course, it's probably all just a cover-up.

Check out these ghost and UFO detectors available from Abate Electronics. They appear not to be a joke. In other words, Abate really will sell you these things. The best part is the warranty: ALL DETECTORS ARE  WARRANTED TO OPERATE AS  DEFINED FOR A PERIOD OF ONE YEAR FROM THE DATE OF PURCHASE. ANY DEVICE WHICH FAILS TO OPERATE FOR THIS PERIOD OF TIME WILL BE REPLACED FREE OF CHARGE, INCLUDING SHIPPING. Okay, so what if your detector fails to detect a UFO as you see one flying overhead? Will they take your word for it that the device malfunctioned? Or are they going to demand proof that you really did see a UFO? (via Milk and Cookies)

A mysterious coin, dating from 1680, has experts puzzled. The coin in question appears to show a UFO. Or, if not a UFO, then a 'symbolic representation of the Biblical Ezekiel's wheel". One or the other "but little else" (according to Kenneth Bressett, former president of the American Numismatic Association). It really does look an awful lot like a modern representation of a UFO, but of course it's just present-day bias to think that because it looks like a UFO to us, that's what the coin maker intended it to be. However, I'm sure that many are going to seize on this as evidence of the existence of seventeenth century UFOs.

Here's the latest eBay oddity. It's 'Magic Air' that grows alien bacteria and makes your feet swell up:
This glass was left outside by one of my kids during a solar eclipse. When I retrieved it I noticed that it weighed over 10 pounds. I didn't notice any contents but tried pouring it out and spilled some of the "Magic Air" on my left foot. My shoe grew from a size 11 to a 17 DDD in less than 15 seconds. I ceased pouring any more of the Magic Air out and placed the Haunted Purple Glass in my cupboard.
It's already sold, but it sounds like he has a limitless supply of this 'Magic Air' for future auctions.

What caused the Tunguska Event, that massive, nuclear-bomb-strength blast that occurred in Siberia in 1908? A meteorite, is the standard answer. But a few days ago Russian researcher Yuri Lavbin claimed to have discovered "blocks of an extraterrestrial technical device" in the Tunguska area. Lavbin's theory is that a meteorite was headed for the earth, but it was blasted apart by an alien spaceship, thus causing the massive explosion. Why aliens blasting something out of the sky caused an alien technical device to fall to the ground isn't clear to me.

Lavbin announced this discovery in Pravda (which is kind of like announcing a major scientific discovery in the National Enquirer). He's transported a piece of this alien device to the city of Krasnoyarsk, though, of course, he hasn't yet allowed the general scientific community to view the thing.

So did he really find a piece of an alien ship? Or has he mistaken a piece of Cold-War-era space debris for an alien ship, as some are speculating? Or has he engineered a massive hoax? As is usually the case, time and scientific access to this 'extraterrestrial technical device' should provide the answer. In the meantime, here's a poll so that you can vote on what you think he's found:

This isn't, strictly speaking, a hoax, because I'm quite sure that its creators are serious about it. It's a UFO Attracting Device "equipped with colored strobe lights, low-powered lasers, a radio transmitter and a series of gauges said to track atmospheric changes common to extraterrestrial encounters." It was originally built by Myron 'Mike' Muckerheide, but was then purchased by Julie 'Jitterbug' Pearce. I would definitely buy this thing, if given a chance. But instead of using it to attract UFOs, I'd use it to drive my neighbors crazy. Whenever they play their music too loud, I'd crank up my UFO Attractor and drown them out. If a UFO happened to land in their backyard as a consequence, all the better. (via The Anomalist)

The Nova Corp Xenomorphological Research Institute is "the world's leading centre for the study of extra-terrestrial life." As their website explains: "the NCXRI always attempts to study a species in its native habitat. However, when this is not possible specimens can be brought back to our high-tech research laboratory for further analysis. From simple metal cages to plasma-field containers and full sized aquariums, the NCXRI is fully equipped to house virtually any species." (via Liquito)

Leave a message on Endless Echoes' answering machine, and for only $24.95 they'll beam it into outer space, where it will theoretically travel forever. They bill it as the perfect way to send a message to loved ones who have died (why dead people would get the message in outer space, I don't know). I think the service would be better targeted at lonely hearts in search of alien companionship (Single White Female ISO Single Green Alien). But the whole thing has a hoaxy feel to it... along the lines of those companies that offer to name a star after you, or sell people plots of land on the moon. Why not just call up a radio station and dedicate a song to someone if you really need to send out a message as a radio broadcast? At least that way someone would have a chance of actually hearing what you say.

Alien Abductions, Inc. can provide you with your very own alien-abduction memories. As their website says: "The fact of the matter is that most people will probably never have the opportunity to be abducted by aliens. And even those elite few who are selected for abduction receive no assurances that they will fully remember their experience--much less a guarantee that their abduction will be everything that they hoped it would be. So why wait? Why wonder if they're ever going to come for you? Why even invest the time, trouble, and expense involved in an actual abduction when the highly trained and professional staff at Alien Abductions Incorporated can provide you with personalized, realistic memories of the alien abduction that you have been waiting for your entire life?" Their basic package offers implanted abduction memories, but I figure that if you're going to sign up for this, then at the very least you'd also want to get the 'front yard crop circle' add-on. (Submitted by Sam)

Read this question carefully: Have you ever "seen a being with huge, dark, watery-looking, almond-shaped eyes and wrinkled, gray skin? Was it wearing a skin-tight metallic body suit that lit up? Did its huge head seem out of proportion to its frail body?" If you answered yes, then you either live with this guy, or you're a possible victim of alien abduction and might be carrying around an alien implant inside of you. If it's the latter, then you're in luck. The folks over at abduct.com specialize in alien implant removal and deactivation. But please don't laugh. They seem very serious about this. (via J-Walk)

How to fake a UFO photo, courtesy of Skeptical Inquirer.