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Installing a Husband
Posted: 06 June 2009 06:31 PM   [ Ignore ]
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I got this in my email from a friend today, and decided I needed to share it with everyone here!

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

            Dear Tech Support,

            Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
            noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance,
            particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which
            operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

            In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
            programs, such as

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“Like a crazed Nigerian wearing LifeWave Energy Patches” (Nettie, on the night she “banned” me from the MoH!)

“What fools these mortals be…”—Smaug (according to Robert Asprin)

Visit here to help my dragons grow! Thanks!

Dum vivimus, vivamus!

And oh, yeah—my blog.

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Posted: 06 June 2009 11:19 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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Ha ha ha, that’s great! (And I’m not even married…)

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“It’s not that I don’t think that the government would try to hide dead aliens; it’s that I don’t think the government would succeed, since every time the government tries to do something secretly, as in the Iran-contra arms deal, it winds up displaying all the finesse and stealth of an exploding cigar at a state funeral.”

~Dave Barry

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Posted: 07 June 2009 01:47 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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*is slightly worried about her impending upgrade*

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Remember, a Dragon is for life!

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Posted: 07 June 2009 01:48 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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Smerk - 07 June 2009 05:47 AM

*is slightly worried about her impending upgrade*

Would you prefer a downgrade, then?

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“If any man wish to write in a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts.”

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Posted: 07 June 2009 02:02 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Accipiter - 07 June 2009 05:48 AM
Smerk - 07 June 2009 05:47 AM

*is slightly worried about her impending upgrade*

Would you prefer a downgrade, then?

What?  Uninstall it all?  I don’t think so.

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Remember, a Dragon is for life!

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Posted: 07 June 2009 02:15 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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Smerk - 07 June 2009 06:02 AM
Accipiter - 07 June 2009 05:48 AM
Smerk - 07 June 2009 05:47 AM

*is slightly worried about her impending upgrade*

Would you prefer a downgrade, then?

What?  Uninstall it all?  I don’t think so.

Good idea.  I hear that the plug-ins for you can make up for a lot.  wink

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“If any man wish to write in a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts.”

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Posted: 07 June 2009 03:44 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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Well, since turnabout is fair play…

INSTALLING WIFE 1.0

Subject: Wife 1.0

To: Technical Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that
took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In
addition, Wife1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other
system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5
and Monday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system
whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run some of my other favorite
applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,
but the un-install for Wife 1.0 does not work.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,

Chris

Tech Support Writes Back

Dear Chris:

This is a very common problem male employees complain
about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many
people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that
Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT
program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you
would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would
cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files
from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend
7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried
to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more
problems than the original system.

Look in your help files under

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Today is the day you worried about yesterday, and all is well…Except that the well is dry, the toilet is overflowing and a flock of meese just pooped in your back yard…

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Posted: 07 June 2009 09:00 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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LOL

That’s great (and I’m not even married). wink

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“We look to Scotland for all our ideas of civilisation.”
- Voltaire

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Posted: 07 June 2009 10:30 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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Renquist - 08 June 2009 01:00 AM

LOL

That’s great (and I’m not even married). wink

Har har.  tongue wink

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“It’s not that I don’t think that the government would try to hide dead aliens; it’s that I don’t think the government would succeed, since every time the government tries to do something secretly, as in the Iran-contra arms deal, it winds up displaying all the finesse and stealth of an exploding cigar at a state funeral.”

~Dave Barry

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Posted: 07 June 2009 10:30 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
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ZeldaQueen - 08 June 2009 02:30 AM
Renquist - 08 June 2009 01:00 AM

LOL

That’s great (and I’m not even married). wink

Har har.  tongue wink

I’m a cheeky wee sod sometimes wink

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“We look to Scotland for all our ideas of civilisation.”
- Voltaire

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Posted: 07 June 2009 10:33 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
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Renquist - 08 June 2009 02:30 AM
ZeldaQueen - 08 June 2009 02:30 AM
Renquist - 08 June 2009 01:00 AM

LOL

That’s great (and I’m not even married). wink

Har har.  tongue wink

I’m a cheeky wee sod sometimes wink

Only sometimes? kiss

 Signature 

“Like a crazed Nigerian wearing LifeWave Energy Patches” (Nettie, on the night she “banned” me from the MoH!)

“What fools these mortals be…”—Smaug (according to Robert Asprin)

Visit here to help my dragons grow! Thanks!

Dum vivimus, vivamus!

And oh, yeah—my blog.

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