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An Office Joke
Posted: 03 April 2009 05:53 PM   [ Ignore ]
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A man is told to go to the consultant’s office. He’s nervous because what with the recession the company have hired this consiultant to save them money, and there have been a lot of lay-offs. He’s heard that this consultant is a real ball-buster and he’s terrified. He goes in and sees a pleasant looking little man with glasses sitting behind the desk.

“Please, sit down.” says the little man, very politely. The guy takes a seat. “I know you all think I just sit in here and fire people but it’s simply not true. In fact I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like first?”

“Uh, the bad news.” replied the guy. This was it! But all the little man does is he his desk drawer and takes out an automatic pistol.

“That is for starters. I have 6 others like it and two spare clips for each. In those cabinets I have an automatic rifle with the ammunition to go, a pair of uzi submachine guns, three sawn-off shotguns and about a hundred cartridges, and elephant gun, some hand-grenades and a machete. First I’m going to kill everyone on this floor. Then I’m going to go to the security room, mow them down and lock down the building. Then I’m going to kill everyone on each floor working my way up to the top floor, giving every manager a face full of buckshot, and when I get to the top floor I will scalp the CEOs. I will begin in just under a quarter of an hour.”

“What’s the good news?”

“You’re fired. Get your shit together and get the f*** out of the building in the next ten minutes.”

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“We look to Scotland for all our ideas of civilisation.”
- Voltaire

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Posted: 06 April 2009 07:12 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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I’ve got to remember to tell my dad that one when he’s in America…or on the phone and more than semi-conscious.

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“It’s not that I don’t think that the government would try to hide dead aliens; it’s that I don’t think the government would succeed, since every time the government tries to do something secretly, as in the Iran-contra arms deal, it winds up displaying all the finesse and stealth of an exploding cigar at a state funeral.”

~Dave Barry

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Posted: 02 May 2009 02:46 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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112inky - 02 May 2009 03:30 AM

usual happanings make the remmemberable thoughts

He who go to sleep with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger?

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Today is the day you worried about yesterday, and all is well…Except that the well is dry, the toilet is overflowing and a flock of meese just pooped in your back yard…

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