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Very funny jokes about relationships..
Posted: 15 November 2008 05:24 AM   [ Ignore ]
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The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her
place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” his wife demanded. “I can’t lie to you,” he replied,
“I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.”
She looked down at his shoes and said: “You lying bastard! You’ve been
playing golf!”

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: “There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: “Not this time!”

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,” the mortician commented, “I can’t allow you to be
cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.” So, he removed it, stuffed it into his
briefcase, and took it home “I have something to show you won’t believe,”
he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.  “My God!” the wife exclaimed,
“Schwartz is dead!”

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front
door. “Hurry,” she said, “stand in the corner.” She rubbed baby oil all over
him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you,” she said, ” pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.
“Oh it’s a statue,” she replied, “the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I
got one for us, too.” No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer. “Here,” he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned
thing.”

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
“Certainly, Sir , that’ll be one cent.”
“One Cent?” the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked: “How much for a nice juicy steak and a
bottle of wine?”
“A nickel,” the barman replied.
“A nickel?” exclaimed the man.
“Where’s the guy who owns this place?”
The bartender replied: “Upstairs, with my wife.”
The man asked: “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”
The bartender replied: “The same thing I’m doing to his business down
here.”

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly: “I have something I must confess.”
“There’s no need to, ” his wife replied.
“No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!”
“I know,” she replied, ” now just rest and let the poison work.”

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Those who wish to fight, must now about eternal might. The blue skies turn red, Maybe it’s time you fled? Why wait for the army to strike when you know you don’t need to fight? Aren’t I right? The flower will bloom, and after the blue skies turn red, out comes your doom.
GO HERE….or else…My pets wont grow

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Posted: 15 November 2008 06:26 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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LOL
Too good!

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“The closer you get to darkness, the darker your shadow becomes.”

In my opinion, the greatest pleasure in life is doing what someone else said you couldn’t do.

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Posted: 26 January 2009 09:27 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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THERE ARE SOME FUNNY JOKES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, “Not yet.”

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, “Not yet.”

Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?”

And the mother says, “When the baby cries.”

So they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”

The new mother says, “I forgot where I put it.”

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Posted: 02 March 2009 01:06 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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LOL…love it!!

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Posted: 02 March 2009 06:17 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

“Do you know what I

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“It’s not that I don’t think that the government would try to hide dead aliens; it’s that I don’t think the government would succeed, since every time the government tries to do something secretly, as in the Iran-contra arms deal, it winds up displaying all the finesse and stealth of an exploding cigar at a state funeral.”

~Dave Barry

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Posted: 03 April 2009 05:29 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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that was real good man keep it up.lol

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Posted: 01 May 2009 10:55 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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ZeldaQueen - 02 March 2009 11:17 PM

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

“Do you know what I

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“We look to Scotland for all our ideas of civilisation.”
- Voltaire

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Posted: 02 May 2009 12:08 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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112inky - 02 May 2009 03:28 AM

hah.hah..hah… too good

As you’ve said three times in this thread now.

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Attention to detail: An apostrophe is the difference between a company that knows its shit and a company that knows it’s shit.

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Posted: 02 May 2009 02:44 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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Tah - 02 May 2009 04:08 AM
112inky - 02 May 2009 03:28 AM

hah.hah..hah… too good

As you’ve said three times in this thread now.

Odd, no spam, no semblance of a motive… Perhaps he is aflicted by a memory deficiency?

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Today is the day you worried about yesterday, and all is well…Except that the well is dry, the toilet is overflowing and a flock of meese just pooped in your back yard…

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Posted: 07 May 2009 04:04 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
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*face desk*
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE PLEASE CLOSE THIS THREAD!?

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Why does spellcheck hate me?
GO HERE
Those who wish to fight, must now about eternal might. The blue skies turn red, Maybe it’s time you fled? Why wait for the army to strike when you know you don’t need to fight? Aren’t I right? The flower will bloom, and after the blue skies turn red, out comes your doom.
GO HERE….or else…My pets wont grow

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Posted: 08 May 2009 01:21 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
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silver caliber magnum - 07 May 2009 08:04 AM

*face desk*
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE PLEASE CLOSE THIS THREAD!?

Sure!

Please note: THIS THREAD IS CLOSED

*GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE: EVERYTHING MUST GO! LOTS OF POINTLESS BANTER AND EXTRA RIDICULOUSNESS AT ROCK-BOTTOM PRICES!*

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Today is the day you worried about yesterday, and all is well…Except that the well is dry, the toilet is overflowing and a flock of meese just pooped in your back yard…

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Posted: 08 May 2009 12:34 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]
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Ha ha, funny.

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Remember, remember… I am the ONE.

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