New Element Discovered
Posted: 15 December 2005 06:33 PM   [ Ignore ]
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The fire at Los Alamos has one significant consequence. A secret scientific document was discovered in a bunker whose security systems were mostly destroyed by the fire. This document was leaked to the public last weekend. Actually it reveals nothing that we didn’t already suspect. But it does show that the government has known all along that besides arsenic, lead, mercury, radon, strontium and plutonium, one more extremely deadly and pervasive element also exists. Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science.

This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Governmentium (Gv) but kept top secret for 50 years. This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 deputy neutrons, 75 supervisory neutrons, and 111 team leader neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, of which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since it has no electrons, Governmentium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the deputy neutrons, supervisory neutrons, and team leader neutrons exchange places. In fact, a Governmentium sample’s mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitablybecome neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the “Critical Morass”.

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Posted: 15 December 2005 09:58 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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The public administration major in me tips her hat to you.

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Fads they come and fads they go, but god I love that Rock & Roll!
-Modest Mouse

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Posted: 16 December 2005 09:59 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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Seems like someone has the goverment down pat

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Beerrun all we need is a 10 and a fiver a car, keys, and a sober driver

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Posted: 17 December 2005 07:26 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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downer  pat

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Auxilium meum a Domino

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
He leadeth me beside the still waters
He restoreth my soul

He leadeth me
in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake
Yea, though I wal through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for thou art with me
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me

Thou preparest a table before me
in the presence of mine enemies

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