USA and EU states agree an Universal Compromise Time (UCT)
In a surprise move to spur the slowing global economy, leaders of the largest western industrial countries have pulled a new trick out of their hats. Signatory states shall abolish local time zone, and adjust to the common Universal Compromise Time. Thus business hours will be synchronized across the globe and allow for better collaboration.
Starting April 1, 2009 all signatory countries will operate under the new Universal Compromise Time (UCT). The day will start at 0 AM GMT-5 that night. Under UTC, days have 25 hours. One more than usual. “This seemingly odd choice is what make the UCT possible” said Jean-Luc Poisson. Indeed this will have daylight shift by an hour each day. Thus all of the regions of the world get their equal fair share of daylight during business hours. This setup minimizes the number of consecutive days where at one location all business hours fall into night time.
“This is a boon for stock markets” says Alan Greenspan noting that “US stock exchange no longer trail behind the European counterparts.” More importantly thought international business cooperation will be eased by the fact that business hours will be the same around the planet. “We have been testing this for months at our Taiwan iPhone factory” says Steve Jobs. “It feels great to be able to call up the local manager and shout at him. Any time of the day!” Jobs is also quick to point out that “Mac OS X Leopard is the first OS to be ready for UCT.”
In an unprecedented move presidential hopefuls Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama have been included in the international talks right from the start. “Reviving our economy is more of their business than mine” says president Georges W. Bush. US occupied territories will also join the UCT right from the start. “This includes Iraq and soon also Iran. Oh, never mind...”
Labor unions were quick to remark that this change brings longer work days with no financial compensation. Luxembourg prime minister Jean-Claude Junker finds that very notion laughable. Indeed “under UCT months are shorter by an average of one day. Nobody comes complaining about the reduced number of work days!”
Most European governments have decided to present their citizens with complimentary UCT watches. Watch production has been agreed to take place in the USA. “The failing economy here needs our utmost help.”
The UCT is already backed by the worlds largest economies. More countries are expected to join the effort before the cut-off date of April 1, 2009. Actually China has already expressed strong interest. The Chinese government however plans to intall UCT-30 minutes expecting a half hour economic advantage of the move.
Happy April’s Fools day!
