Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs.
When the director said he can’t, he replied, “Of course
I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in
the face.
If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats
all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the
force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world’s
hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave
them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so
much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into
artificial Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he
pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby
will blow up upon impact.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly
declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds
because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so
hard it became a Wendy’s.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely
responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will
simply stare at you grimly.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be
seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies just check the
extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one
thanksgiving, Chuck said, “don’t worry about it honey,”
and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later
with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done
it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said,
“Never question Chuck Norris.”
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the
entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper
in it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space
you know who would win? Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and
poops them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to
misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of
it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that
autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every
tree in existence.
Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach
messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck
Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive
with his roundhouse kicks
Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which
he replied ‘I am a club’ and everyone partied on him…
Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt
his beer.
