I was impressed like everyone,
When man began to fly,
Out of earthly regions,
To planets in the sky.
With total media coverage,
We watched the heros land,
As ceremoniously
They disturbed the cosmic sand.
In awe with admiration,
We listened to the talk.
Such pride felt they,
Such joy to be
Upon the moon to walk.
My romantic vision shattered,
When it was explained to me,
Spacemen wear old diapers
In which they shit and pee.
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem,
When you’re out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.
They don’t partake like you and I,
Of beefy burger mush.
Their food is specially prepared
To dissolve into slush.
Absorbed by multi-fibers
In the super diaper suit,
Otherwise the slush would trickle
Down inside the boot.
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem
When you’re out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.
You may well ask now what becomes
Of liquid they consume.
A pipe is led from penis head
To a unit in the room.
The water is recirculated,
Filtered for re-use.
In case of anti-gravity -
Pee gets on the loose.
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem
When you’re out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.
Wherever man has conquered,
On the quest for frontiers new,
(Da da da da)
I’m glad that he’s always had to do
The number one and two.
It makes it all so ordinary,
Just like you and me,
To know the greatest heroes,
They had to shit and pee.
The intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to there,
For cosmic constipation
There’s none that can compare.
If shitting is your problem
When you’re out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
The intergalactic laxative,
The intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to Mars.
My parents used to play that record when I was a kid. My Dad loves Donovon.
You guys, that’s not quite true about the bathrooms. I don’t remember any “restrooms” but there were a couple of times when they showed the bathrooms in the crews’ quarters.
Like that one episode where that one chick wanted Riker to give her a “foot washing” and he was all, “What’s so special about that?” and she was all, “Well, in my culture, we usually start with the hair and work our way down” and Riker was all, *Boy-yoing-yoing-yoing*
Yeah, but you didn’t actually see the bathroom in that episode—just hear about it. But—geek alert! geek alert!—I remember seeing a bathtub in at least one episode. It’s the one where everybody gets some kind of Mysterious Virus From Space that causes the humanoids to start de-evolving and Deanna is found in her bathtub having de-evolved into something that still has gills.
And I recall a bathtub scene in one of the movies, too, but since it (again!) involves Riker acting all romantic (again! euw!), I prefer not to even think about it.
But—geek alert! geek alert!—I remember seeing a bathtub in at least one episode. It’s the one where everybody gets some kind of Mysterious Virus From Space that causes the humanoids to start de-evolving and Deanna is found in her bathtub having de-evolved into something that still has gills.
How come we never see the ships “hairdresser”? Everybody is so well-coiffed, but there’s no barber or hairdresser. Where is he/she hiding? If you have 200+ people on a starship that doesn’t dock very often, everybody’s got to get a hair cut somesomewhere.
Maybe they just shove their heads into the replicator every morning.
