Different priest, different nun, crossing the same desert, on a different camel. This time, the camel died smack in the middle of nowhere. Facing certain death, the priest said to the nun, “Do you have a wish to make before we die?” The nun replied, “Yes, actually, I’ve always wanted to see a naked man.” “That’s funny, I’ve always wanted to see a naked woman”, said the priest. So they stripped off their clothes and proceeded to examine each other.
“What’s that thing hanging between your legs that I don’t have?”, asked the nun. “Ahh, my child, this is the gift from God to all men. It can confer the gift of life”, answered the priest proudly.
Without another word, the nun went over to the dead camel, lifted one of its leg and said, “How about getting to work then.”
There were two nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It’s logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing is to walk faster.
SM: It’s not working.
SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in a minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way, and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decides to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sisiter Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could, and he started to run as fast as he could.
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!
“OK,” the nun says “Pull into the next alley.”
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun. “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”
A woman became a nun and took a vow of silence. She was only allowed two words per year. After the first year, Mother Superior asked her how she was doing. She said,“Bad food.” Next year she was asked how she was again. She responded, “Hard beds.” The next year when Mother Superior asked “How are you?” the nun said “I quit!” Mother Superior asked, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
A priest was driving along the highway, when he saw the nun on the side of the road he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing the habit to open and reveal a sexy leg. The priest looks and nearly misses an accident. After changing gear his hand slide up her leg.
She immediately says, “Father, remember Psalm 129.”
The priest apologises and removes his hand, but unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on when he changes gear he oggles at her legs with sparkles in his eyes, this time he again lets the hand slide up the leg.
The Nun once again says: “Father, remember Psalm 129.”
Once again the priest apologises, “Sorry, sister, but you know the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way. As he arrives at the church he rushes to the Bible and looks up Psalm 129, it said: “GO FORTH AND SEEK FURTHER UP, YOU WILL FIND GLORY.
The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the pride of its breed. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became the chauffer. Every Saturday she would drive the Reverend Mother into town for the shopping.
All went well until a holiday weekend when the town was so packed with people and cars that it became evident that there was no earthly place to park.
“Don’t worry, Reverend Mother,” said Sister Lucy. “You go into the supermarket and I’ll drive around the block until you come out.”
Off sped the car, and the Reverend Mother bustled around the store shopping quickly, then rushing back to the curbside. There she stood for five minutes, ten, twenty. No sign of Sister Lucy. Where could she be?
Eventually the Reverend Mother approached a patrolling policeman.
“Excuse me, Officer,” she said. “Have you seen a nun in a red mini?”
“No,” replied the officer, “but these days nothing would surprise me!”
there were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates. As St. Peter was looking over their files, he said, “You ladies have been very good, but before I can let you in, you have to answer a question.”
So he asks the first nun, “What was the name of the first man that God created?”
“Adam,” she replied. The lights started flashing, music started playing, the angels started , and then two angels came out and gave the nun her halo and wings, and off she went into the Pearly Gates.
Then St.Peter asked the second nun, “What was the name of the name of the first woman that God created?”
“Eve,” the nun said. And the lights started and two angels came out and gave the nun her halo and wings, and off she went into the Pearly Gates.
Then St. Peter asked the third nun, “What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?”
The nun, clearly confused, started scratching her head, and replied, “Gee, that`s a hard one.” And the lights started flashing, the music started playing…...
Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.
One day, they heard, “yellow, blue, black.”
One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.
The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke,
“black, black, black.”
Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished! One of the nuns spoke up,
“Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird.” Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments.
Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot’s house.
Initially, the parrot looked a bit puzzled, he swung back and forth on his perch.