Advice to drunken female students - you know its time to go home when….
1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.
2. You’ve just had to get someone to help you pull your knickers up in the ladies room.
3. You suddenly decide you want to start a fight with “some bitch”.
4. In your last trip to the bathroom you realise you now look more like Gail from Coronation Street than the goddess you were just four hours ago.
5. You drop your 3:00 a.m.burger on the floor of Supermacs and pick it up & carry on eating.
6. You start crying.
7. There are less than three hours before you’re due to start work.
8. You’ve found a deeper side to the office nerd.
9. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.
11. You’ve forgotten where you live.
12. You’ve started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the cigarettes you’ve smoked, because (as you’ve mentioned 10x’s by now) you only smoke when you drink.
13. You yell at the barman, who (you think) cheated you by giving you just tonic, but that’s just because you can no longer taste the gin or vodka.
14. You think you’re in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like pizza.
15. You start every conversation with a booming, “Don’t take this the wrong way but…”
16. You fail to notice that the toilet lid’s down when you sit on it.
17. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
18. You’re tired so you just sit on the floor (and why not!).
19. You show your friends that girls can piss standing up if they really want to.
20. You start repeating these jokes!