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Bogus work excuses on the rise: ‘God didn’t wake me’
Posted: 06 October 2005 08:00 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]
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I had perfect attendence my sophmore year, but I didn’t get the damn perfect attendence certificate.  So now I use my unpaid leave.

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Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle is not so bad?
Soldier: Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

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Posted: 07 October 2005 07:07 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]
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Reminds me of my friends boyfriend. He used to work for her mother and called in “sick” one morning with ne of the most odd excuses I’ve ever heard of.
Him: I’m not coming in, I’m not well
Her: Oh! Are you ok?
Him: Yeah Im fine it’s just my shower isn’t working
Her: I thought you said you wern’t well
Him: I’m not my shower isn’t working so I had to take a bath
Her: !?! Well why does that mean you can’t come in?!?
Him: Well I had to take a bath and the water was all cold and I didn’t wash the suds off properly and now I’m all itchy.

I’m not coming in cause I’m itchy - I never imagined it could work!

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“Do you realise the sun doesnt go down, its just an illusion caused by the world spinning round”

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Posted: 07 October 2005 09:25 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]
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I heard that if you tell your employer that you have a bad case of dierria (yes, it’s spelled wrong) that they have noooo problem letting you stay home….

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Posted: 07 October 2005 08:02 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]
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X - 07 October 2005 01:25 PM

I heard that if you tell your employer that you have a bad case of dierria (yes, it’s spelled wrong) that they have noooo problem letting you stay home….

According to Scott Adams, the best thing to tell your boss is “you don’t want to know the details.”  He’ll automatically think of the most nasty thing he can, of course.

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Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle is not so bad?
Soldier: Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

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Posted: 07 October 2005 10:08 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 16 ]
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I can usually get away with just saying I’m not feeling well.  But then again, people in my office know that if I’m off sick, I’m really sick.

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Posted: 09 October 2005 08:41 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 17 ]
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We have a call-off line.  We call the sickline, tell why we’re sick…and then if there’s an issue it’s resolved upon your return.  My supervisor asks that we call her as well, b/c the delay in the call-off line calling her, is quite a few hours, and she doesn’t want to worry about why we’re not in.  (I can say that I do believe her reasoning there…when she was out for 2 weeks b/c of surgery, she gave everyone her home phone and email, she seems to have a genuine concern for people under her care…)

She says it’s funny that some people call and sound all hoarse and scratchy…but then the next day, their voice is fine, they’re back at work, and hey, it’s their vacation time they’re using up…so why go to all the hassle to SOUND sick, when sometimes, it’s just not feasible to come in to work, and it has nothing to do with your voice…??

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Posted: 10 October 2005 11:27 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 18 ]
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X - 05 October 2005 06:27 PM

I believed you until you stated “Attractive Bed Partner”...


I could be rude and say something about your mother but I will hold back Stephen!

O.k, O.k, I admit she was 72 and had looked like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle. Mind you lack of teeth gave me some advantages…..!

wink

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“Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway.”

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Posted: 16 October 2005 01:27 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 19 ]
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While I was an employee for a crappy NJ company, Cappeg Entertainment, we had to have a meeting with the company president who lead us in a group prayer(!) Then while we were holding hands he told us that our “paychecks would not be coming this week… god works in mysterious ways.” Yeah Sure! That was the dumbest excuse I’ve ever been told. Thankfullly, the next week we got our checks (thanks god!) and I left the job shortly afterwards.

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Posted: 16 October 2005 03:51 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 20 ]
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anti-oedipus - 16 October 2005 05:27 PM

While I was an employee for a crappy NJ company, Cappeg Entertainment, we had to have a meeting with the company president who lead us in a group prayer(!) Then while we were holding hands he told us that our “paychecks would not be coming this week… god works in mysterious ways.” Yeah Sure! That was the dumbest excuse I’ve ever been told. Thankfullly, the next week we got our checks (thanks god!) and I left the job shortly afterwards.

You should have sued for religious harassment.  Or something.

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Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle is not so bad?
Soldier: Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

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