Wow, the proclaimers.  I never would have thought…

In order to understand non-Euclidean geometry you need to realize that everything is controlled by a secret coven made up of left-handed albino yodeling Lapps with help from the San Francisco Philharmonic Orchestra.

The conspiracy first started during the invention of silly putty in my broom-closet. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including the day I cleaned under my refrigerator.

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by public fornication with cabbages.

They want to pelt with smelly turnips southern Baptists and imprison resisters in a vat of irate hormonal termites using rubber-band powered model ibises.

In order to prepare for this, we all must chop celery into 1/2 centimeter (no more, no less) sections. Since the media is controlled by wild-eyed commie pinko ninjas in tartan pyjamas we should get our information from the Pope.

Charybdis, you so postedited your, lol.

What They Don’t Want You to Know
In order to understand idealism you need to realize that everything is controlled by a nerds made up of pinko-commie liberals with help from those guys over there.

The conspiracy first started during a paradigm shift in Westminster Abby. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including invention of the de lorean.

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by getting excommunicated.

They want to lynch Denis Miller and imprison resisters in Isreal using pontoon boats.

In order to prepare for this, we all must pee standing up. Since the media is controlled by Gore we should get our information from Regan.

And so it goes

Alex Jones is a shape changing reptillian in the pay of the Illuminati who’s job is to undermine criticism of the Illuminati by coming out with a lot of unbelievable old cobblers, and second rate conspiracy theories.

How else was he able to infiltrate bohemian grove ?