{paginate}
2 of 3
2
{/paginate}
Things To Do In ...
Posted: 23 August 2005 03:26 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5801
Joined  2004-11-11

Well, since we now have “Things to do on an elevator” and “Things to do in a mall”, I thought we should add…

Things to do in WalMart:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell them “Code 3 in Housewares” and see what they do.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay-away.

6. Move a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible”
theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna look” using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say “PICK ME!”

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!”

And, last, but not least!

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”
.

 Signature 

http://www.truovrld.blogspot.com

Profile
 
 
Posted: 23 August 2005 03:27 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  6453
Joined  2004-11-08

You can’t do the M&Ms thing.  I tried.  It’s perishable.

 Signature 

I’m loving the puppies.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 24 August 2005 03:24 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5153
Joined  2005-01-11

I may as well add one for things to do in an exam, it was my mate who found this one (another long one, theres 50):

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say ``oh geez, better get cracking’ and do some gibberish work.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming ``Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!!’

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the surface integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor’s left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, ``I’m SOOO sure you can hear me thinking.’ Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, ``I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who the hell are you? Where’s the regular guy?’

8. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say ``They’ve found me, I have to leave the country’ and run.

12. Every Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out ``Merry Christmas.’ If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet’s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make one up. For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when he’s not looking. Blame it on the person nearest you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc.)

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out ``Fuck this!’ and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (e.g. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all leaving after one hour to get drunk.)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means that at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy.)

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him in a very derogatory tone, ``The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!’

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling ``I’m here, the phantom of the opera’ until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged.  Fight for you right to take the exam.

31. Bring a water pistol with you. ‘Nuff said.

32. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor’s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight’s outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise your’re not just failing, you’re getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment ``Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.’

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43. Do the exam on your laptop. Make sure the simulated keyboard noises are on.

44. Play frisbee with a friend on the other side of the room.

45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

 Signature 

If you can’t handle someone at their worst,

You don’t deserve them at their best.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 24 August 2005 03:24 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5153
Joined  2005-01-11

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Start with your calculator, move on to your desk, your chair, anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say ``it helps me think.’

50. Answer the exam with the ``Top Ten Reasons Why Professor Sussman Sucks.’

More Elevator stuff

1.Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2.Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!

4.Whistle the first seven notes of It’s a Small World incessantly.

5.Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7.Shave.

8.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

9.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12.Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!

13.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14.Censored by your son.

15.On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.

16.Do Tai Chi exercises.

17.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I’ve got new socks on!

18.When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!

19.Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20.Meow occassionally.

21.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22.Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!

23.Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24.Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.

25.Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.

26.Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.

27.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You’re one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28.Burp, and then say mmmm…tasty!

29.Leave a box between the doors.

30.Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31.Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.

32.Start a sing-along.

33.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?

34.Play the harmonica.

35.Shadow box.

36.Say Ding! at each floor.

37.Lean against the button panel.

38.Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.

39.Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

41.Bring a chair along.

42.Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?

43.Blow spit bubbles.

44.Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45.Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.

46.Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48.Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49.Stare at your thumb and say I think it’s getting larger.

50.If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

 Signature 

If you can’t handle someone at their worst,

You don’t deserve them at their best.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 24 August 2005 03:26 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 16 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5153
Joined  2005-01-11

i took cheats for a different exam but it didnt work (I didnt staple it), so they just failed me without checking the paper. sob. It’s lucky it wasn’t an important one or a GCSE. It was a sort of midterm thing.

 Signature 

If you can’t handle someone at their worst,

You don’t deserve them at their best.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 24 August 2005 09:39 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 17 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  26366
Joined  2004-11-29
thunderstruck - 24 August 2005 07:24 PM

16.Do Tai Chi exercises.

I do this…nothing wrong with practicing tai chi in elevators!

 Signature 

Remember, a Dragon is for life!

Profile
 
 
Posted: 25 August 2005 04:13 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 18 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  61098
Joined  2005-04-14

Ah, but did you practice with your sword, Smerk?

Something else that I’ve discovered from personal experience is fun to do on crowded elevators:  walk on with a box plastered with biohazard signs, wait for the doors to close, look suspiciously at the box and shake it a little, then stage whisper “Geez, did it get loose again?”

 Signature 

“If any man wish to write in a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts.”

Profile
 
 
Posted: 25 August 2005 04:19 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 19 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  26366
Joined  2004-11-29

We get to refer to one elevator in our building as “the padded cell”...that’d make some of the tasks a lot more fun!

Considering that I barely have time to practice one move in between the ground and second floor of our building, I wouldn’t even have time to pull out my sword!

 Signature 

Remember, a Dragon is for life!

Profile
 
 
Posted: 25 August 2005 08:14 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 20 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  6453
Joined  2004-11-08

When I first started my job, one of the first things we did was take the training class and tour the site.  It was 3 buildings, and 2 buildings had 3 floors, and the building we trained in, had 2 floors.  We left the training building, and went into the building next door.  In order for the trainer to give everyone the same info, we all went in the same elevator. 

It got stuck.  For about 15 minutes.  After that, people either used the stairs, or went into the elavator in shifts (it was a huge elevator), and we just met near the elevator on the next level, to get the trainer’s input.

I only started using the elevator again when I got pregnant - still worrying that I’d get stuck again.

 Signature 

I’m loving the puppies.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 August 2005 01:52 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 21 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5153
Joined  2005-01-11

things to do on the first day of class:

Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, “Quite right, old bean!”

Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector.

Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.

Sit in the front and color in your textbook.

When the professor calls your name in roll, respond “that’s my name, don’t wear it out!”

Introduce yourself to the class as the “master of the pan flute”.

Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow.

Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.

Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.

Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.

Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare your intention to pursue a career in measurements and units.

Sing your questions.

When the professor calls roll, after each name scream “THAT’S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry.”

Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O’Reilly.

Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.

Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.

Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you’ve done so.

Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters “CHECK YOUR FLY”.

Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.

Stare continually at the professor’s crotch. Occassionally lick your lips.

Address the professor as “your excellency”.

Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he’s been drinking.

Shout “WOW!” after every sentence of the lecture.

Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face.

Ask whether you have to come to class.

Present the professor with a large fruit basket.

Bring a “seeing eye rooster” to class.

Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, “Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?” Become aggitated when the professor can’t understand you.

Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.

Watch the professor through binoculars.

Start a “Mexican wave” in a large lecture hall.

Ask to introduce your “invisible friend” in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.

When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream “AAAGH! MY EYES!”

Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even if it’s Smith. Claim that the ‘i’ is silent.

Sit in the front row reading the professor’s graduate thesis and snickering.

As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor’s reply and proceed to do so anyway.

Claim that you wrote the class text book.

Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream “IMPOSTOR!”

Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.

Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write “Signup Sheet” at the top, and start passing it around the room.

Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.

Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S stands for “stud”.

Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, “Can you spell that?”

Disassemble your pen. “Accidentally” propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.

Wink at the professor every few minutes.

In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.

Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.

Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.

Ask your math professor to pull the roll chart above the blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther because you can’t see Macedonia.

 Signature 

If you can’t handle someone at their worst,

You don’t deserve them at their best.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 August 2005 01:53 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 22 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5153
Joined  2005-01-11

woo hoo second page!!!

I found the site my mate was using to send me these:

http://www.area51newmexico.com/class_index.html

 Signature 

If you can’t handle someone at their worst,

You don’t deserve them at their best.

Profile
 
 
   
{paginate}
2 of 3
2
{/paginate}
 
‹‹ pretty bad jokes      First in heaven ››