Well I’m not too sure where to post this but since I’m planning to become a writer when I leave college I thought I might as well see what you guys (Since you have pretty good taste in writing). So here’s a sample of my writing, this is for a character background for a superhero RPG I’m playing over at another forum.
They called me an angel. Maybe it was the wings, maybe it was because I saved them or maybe it was just wishful thinking but I didn’t bother to correct them. The Reverend told me that I was a gift from god but he also says that about the smallest things in life, I owe him my life as he took me in after he discovered me huddled in a smoking crater in the courtyard of the church. He has supported me throughout my new life here, I say ‘new’ life when I’m not even sure if I had an old one. My oldest memory is waking to the touch of the old mans hands on my forehead, checking my temperature as I lay in the small shack outside the church and hearing his cracking voice muttering to himself “...falling from Lord-knows-where straight out of the sky and wings that disappear straight into his back and barely a mark on him, I’d call him an angel but his eyes show to be far more human then that, Christopher you’d of wished to see this!” From then on I started working under him, doing odd-jobs that needed to be done.
It was at this time when my strength became evident and my presence had been noticed by the citizens of the town so Reverend Nayder had to think up a way to pass me off as someone that wouldn’t draw much attention and from then on I became Christopher Nayder II, taking the name of his late elder brother and pass myself off as his son. But both me and the Reverend realised that my gifts could be used for something much greater than a simple odd-jobs man, I could be someone that could make a difference in the world, I could be a hero.
My first adventure could of gone a lot better, I underestimated my opponent for he showed no outside signs of power but as I told him to drop what he had taken from the safety deposit boxes I felt a deep chill running through my veins and my own body buckle as his icy blast stabbed into my skin like a thousand dull daggers. As my vision started to blur the robber stepped up to me, his skin shedding as if a simple disguise revealing blue skin underneath with blonde hair changing to neon yellow and eyes turning a bright red that glowed with an inner light. Then he spoke, his voice possessing it’s own chill “Don’t try your luck against Cold Snap, got it Wings?” And as if someone had just flipped a switch everything went black.
That was six months ago, I still haven’t had much luck tracking down this ‘Cold Snap’ but I have had successes elsewhere, using an abandoned church building just outside of town and the help of Reverend Nayder I hope to make my mark on this city and for them to see me as I hope they do. As someone who can make a difference in this world. A Saviour.
Mal, I really like the storyline for your character. My inner editor is twitching a little bit, but I can ignore it (her?). I could definitely see a whole series of stories written about Christopher (maybe a graphic novel or series of comic books?).
Thanks guys And please, don’t ignore the editor, I really want to try and get everything about my writing tuned up And coments, whether it’s criticism or praise is honestly welcome.
My inner editor is twitching a little bit, but I can ignore it (her?).
Same here, but I’m keeping her squashed down.
I have this really fun mental image of you and me stuffing little people down into barrels, saying, “Shh! He didn’t ask us to edit, just to read! Shh! Get back in there!”
Mal, mainly for me, it’s a matter of punctuation and run-on sentences, though there are only a couple of those. Also, something about the second paragraph seems a little awkward, but I haven’t figured out how to fix it. I know the gist of what you want to say, so that’s what my brain registers, without actually changing the wording, if that makes sense.
I always waned to become an author but i’m too lazy to. I post in other forums stories, but I’m too lazy to finish them . Plus I’m always in a hurry and i can never type properly. (Speed-typing became an addiction to me and i can never ever get used to it. Ever.) Anyway, good work Mal.
Well I’ve recently written another story for college, this time an attempt at a short comic fantasy story. I call it Prophecies.
It is said that if you were to follow the pointed mountains south, chase the muddy waters of the largest swamps and hike for about three days through the driest, most implausibly place, desert that will suddenly pop into view you will come across a great forest. If you manage to make it through the forest without alerting any of those particularly nasty wolves then you will appear right back on the north side of the pointed mountains. However, if you just went east from the mountains you would come across a large, for a village anyway, settlement known to its occupants as Hillsville. Hillsville was founded by a group of philosopher-explorers known as The Barnmen and was named by for the large hills around the village by their leader, Sir Reginald
Hm… Good work too! I was looking to take a break from the usual fantasy stories i’m reading because they’re all cliche but when seeing this, i think of it something different. Slightly humored which is kinda what other fantasies are not. If you make it less cliche’d I’d give it a 11/10. But even know i give it a 8.5/10. Incredibly good and almost as good as good omens.
And coments, whether it’s criticism or praise is honestly welcome. 
Though the clich
