You missed out:

French - Sensual and inviting. Anything said in a French accent is an invitation to lovemaking regardless of the actual words used.

Spanish - Like the French, but with the promise of more vigor and passion.

German - Accent instills immediate distrust in all things said, save when being spoken by a mechanic.

Italian - Accent instils immediate distrust in all things said, especially when being spoken by a mechanic.

Chinese - Gives everything said the air of ancient knowledge, hence sounds profound and abstruse. Whatever is said may be true or not, but you will feel enlightened in either case.

Hong Kong - The content of anything being said is completely irrelevant because everyone is too busy looking to see if their mouths match up with their words.

Oh, and these are pretty funny.  I was surprised to find that they are informational, though obviously that takes a back seat to their entertainment value.

Japanese - Anything said is just a prelude to you being hit with a rancid pumpkin, strapped to a paddle-wheel or made to drink a pint of your own sweat.

Russian - Anything said in a Russian accent by a blond, blue-eyed ice-queen in a tall fur hat and long fur coat can be trusted implicitly. Anything said in a Russian Accent by a xanthnic, flint-eyed brick-outhouse in a uniform is a death sentence. The latter usually following closely on the heels of the former.

I beg to argue.  I would automatically distrust a blond, blue-eyed ice-queen with a Russian accent, but I figure it would be one hell of a way to go so I wouldn’t overly worry about it.

Hey! I sound nothing like a used car salesman...or a used car saleswoman, either. Besides, there is more than one American accent.

Well there’s more than one English, Scottish and Chinese accent too. But it wouldn’t be stereotyping if we’d mentioned that up-front.