Wow. Tonight was like Stalingrad in work. A David Bowie tribute band was on, and all went well until about 11 when our head steward bolted like the Devil was at her back through the pub and locked the front door. Locked us all in. Because one of the tossers at the techno night was denied entry and went apeshit kicking the door so we locked down until the police arrived. And they arrived in style- full riot van, about 10 coppers leapt out all within 5 minutes. Awesome.
And later, a guy went into the toilet and was confronted by- I kid you not- a guy, standing at the urinal, HAVING A WANK. This poor bastard goes to the lavvy and sees a man standing in full view shaking hot, white coconuts from the veiny love tree. Our steward was not pleased. I was shocked to be honest. I thought she’d beat him up as opposed to just throw him out. If I went to the toilet and saw a man having one off the wrist I wouldn’t bolt out as my natural reaction. I’d probably automatically boot him so hard in the balls they’d come out his nose. And we were a man (or woman) down as someone called in sick. Thank God I wasn’t in the club, it was like the fourth level of the Inferno down there.
This freaked me out- there’s this girl who’d been assigned to our work for the Comedy Festival to work the door as an official representative of the comedy mob, and we were doing quite a lot of stuff together (like, every single night she was in Glasgow we went to something after work) and I went to a party with her on Friday, and the Stand (comedy club) last night. Every single person in work was asking me about this bloody party and what happened and what’s happening with her and yes they all knew she had a boyfriend but everyone assumed something was going to happen anyway.
I didn’t know my love life was so important to everyone. I only found out last night she had a boyfriend (met him, nice guy, bought him a pint) and yes it was disappointing but the way everyone in work was acting… someone was giving me a pep talk. I mean, they’re taking this very seriously indeed. Bit strange actually, and I was rather flattered that the general opinion of the pub was that we were going to hook up boyfriend or no.
There was such an impression given, to be fair. I’ve had full-blown relationships where we spent less time together. Ach well, you can’t always get what you want.
Also, she told me that when she first got assigned to our door, someone in my work told her to ‘watch out for Alex’ because I’m ‘trouble’ apparently. I would dearly love to know who said that. What I like best is she invited me back to her house with her folks for a joint after being told this 