Do not read if you are a Kid or are Offended easily. This is Offensive Humorous Content.
Are you a queer?
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you're gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather
you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free
time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming Fag. A cat is like a dog,
but Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said
get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster
boy for GAY.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-dummies, boiled lollies
or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man
only sucks stubbies, shots, bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters,
cray-fish guts, pickled eggs, pussy, or titties. Anything else and you
are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a Fag.
4. If you refuse to have a shit in a public toilet or piss in a
parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. A real man
will shoot, shit, sleep where ever he likes
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
in the poop-chute. Coffee has to be had strong, black (or with thick,
wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will never be heard
ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim or with a twist of lemon" and
he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If
you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a dick in there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types
of dessert, you might as well be handing out a free pass to your ass.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of
that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the NFL, NBA,
NHL and Nascar. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a
"fresier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than denim, you are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it... you're
hungry for man sausage. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk at slow-arse drivers or to cut the motherfucker off. The rest of
the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his
hamburger, hold his beer, finger the bitch in the passenger seat
(whoever she happens to be), or talk on his mobile phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of
the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in
SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags
when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules and beware. Or
keep that shit to yourself, you flamming faggot!
9. If your name is Neil, Chary,Dallas, Gavin, Frank, Brett, LaMa, Bruce,
Craig, John, Andrew, Robert, Laurie/Larry/Lawrence, Aaron, Acci, James,
Howie, Phil, Ray, Miser, Damian,Terry, Matthew or Luke, then stop
living in denial. You're a dung punching ass bandit from way back and
everyone knows it.
I think Stephen's just jealous as certain names on that list all have internet girlies all over them, while he doesn't...
Nordan
in Sweden
Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 | 04:52 PM
The definition of supressed gay feelings: Putting that lame-ass list up on a forum.
By the way, there's nothing wrong with french movies. Maybe you're just another one of those culturally crippled people who can only master one language and/or having trouble reading the subtitles fast enough.
Reply from Sir Stephen: As I said, this isn't for easily offended people. I also did not make this up....damned people. Some people can't read anything without getting defensive.
Let's face it, we wouldn't let Steph near a river in case he drowned. Oh, wait...
DFStuckey
in Auckland New Zealand
Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 | 09:45 PM
LOL rtaher a laugh there, if also somewhat rude.
As for the list of names . . . A while ago, I recall a claim that American TV networks had guidelines for numerous things, including a list of names that macho heroes could not be named; It was identical to this one, except for the inclusion of Vincent.
May not be true, but it explains why they changed Bruce Banner to David in the Hulk show . . . And why they never really gave "Beauty And The Beast" much of a chance.
LaMa
in Europe Member
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 | 06:25 AM
Oooooooh, Stephy boy, you are waaaaaaaay out when you state that the name of LaMa means you are Gay.
OOOOOOOOh rats, my nail varnish just got damaged...
Boo, Darling, did you like that cuuuuuuuuute handbag I bought yetsreday and sent you a piccy of?
Maegan
in Tampa, FL - USA Member
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 | 08:33 AM
the reason the original Hulk TV show didn't include the character as Bruce had something to do with this.
I"m not sure how what your parents named you could have any bearing on your sexuality.
X Member
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 | 08:40 AM
It's just a Joke Maeg..........
Sharruma
in capable of finishing a coherent Member
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 | 09:40 AM
I don't remember the TV version of Batman going by the name David Wayne
DFStuckey
in Auckland New Zealand
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 | 08:01 PM
Sharruma, of course not. Because the TV batman was so maculine and not at all camp and boy-scouty, was it?!?
Sarcasm mode off.
Rita
Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 | 09:21 AM
Oh, so all dogs are manly, huh? Guess you can have a maltese, pomeranian or poodle and still be just as manly.
