MOH Forum: Are you Gay??/ Warning:Offensive subject Matter

Are you Gay??/ Warning:Offensive subject Matter

Posted By:
X
in McKinney, TX
Jul 05, 2005

Do not read if you are a Kid or are Offended easily.
This is Offensive Humorous Content.

Are you a queer? 

1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you're gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather
you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free
time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming Fag. A cat is like a dog,
but Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said
get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster
boy for GAY.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-dummies, boiled lollies
or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man
only sucks stubbies, shots, bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters,
cray-fish guts, pickled eggs, pussy, or titties. Anything else and you
are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a Fag.

4. If you refuse to have a shit in a public toilet or piss in a
parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. A real man
will shoot, shit, sleep where ever he likes

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
in the poop-chute. Coffee has to be had strong, black (or with thick,
wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will never be heard
ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim or with a twist of lemon" and
he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If
you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a dick in there too.

6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types
of dessert, you might as well be handing out a free pass to your ass.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of
that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the NFL, NBA,
NHL and Nascar. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a
"fresier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than denim, you are faggadocious!

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it... you're
hungry for man sausage. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk at slow-arse drivers or to cut the motherfucker off. The rest of
the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his
hamburger, hold his beer, finger the bitch in the passenger seat
(whoever she happens to be), or talk on his mobile phone.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of
the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in
SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags
when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules and beware. Or
keep that shit to yourself, you flamming faggot!

9. If your name is Neil, Chary,Dallas, Gavin, Frank, Brett, LaMa, Bruce,
Craig, John, Andrew, Robert, Laurie/Larry/Lawrence, Aaron, Acci, James,
Howie, Phil, Ray, Miser, Damian,Terry, Matthew or Luke, then stop
living in denial. You're a dung punching ass bandit from way back and
everyone knows it.

Category: Puzzles-Jokes-Riddles; Replies: 34

Comments

Snowy in aeternum Member	Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 \| 02:34 PM That's pretty bad, Stephen, but you forgot the punchline: 10:If you read all the way through this, well, Its way too late for you. one of my stranger friends sent me something like this
padego Member	Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 \| 02:36 PM are you trying to tell us something Stephen?
X in McKinney, TX Member	Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 \| 02:37 PM I don't know what you mean????
Neil	Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 \| 05:44 PM That was funny, until I read point 9.
Boo in The Land of the Haggii... Member	Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 \| 06:04 PM Huh, how interesting. A lot of those names weren't in the original, but 'Steven' was. Imagine my surprise that Stephen changed it for his own twisted 'kudos'.
Smerk in to mischief Member	Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 \| 06:50 PM I think Stephen's just jealous as certain names on that list all have internet girlies all over them, while he doesn't...
Nordan	Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 \| 06:52 PM The definition of supressed gay feelings: Putting that lame-ass list up on a forum. By the way, there's nothing wrong with french movies. Maybe you're just another one of those culturally crippled people who can only master one language and/or having trouble reading the subtitles fast enough. Reply from Sir Stephen: As I said, this isn't for easily offended people. I also did not make this up....damned people. Some people can't read anything without getting defensive.
RAMONESxMANIA Member	Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 \| 07:00 PM crap thats terrible and totally untrue i haaate sports, im a guy, and im as straight as they come
Citizen Premier in spite of public outcry Member	Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 \| 11:11 PM I didn't make #9! But I like cats, lollypops, and I don't know much about sports. Gimmie some man-sausage.
Nettie in Perth, Western Australia Member	Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 \| 02:28 AM I'm with you Smerk, Stephen's just jealous coz we don't fuss over him like we do with Chary, Acci and the rest of the guys here.
X in McKinney, TX Member	Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 \| 08:47 AM Ha!!!!! Sure you do.....Everyone loves me!!!
Smerk in to mischief Member	Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 \| 06:01 PM That river that Stephen's down by must be Denial...
Boo in The Land of the Haggii... Member	Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 \| 06:06 PM Let's face it, we wouldn't let Steph near a river in case he drowned. Oh, wait...
DFStuckey	Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 \| 11:45 PM LOL rtaher a laugh there, if also somewhat rude. As for the list of names . . . A while ago, I recall a claim that American TV networks had guidelines for numerous things, including a list of names that macho heroes could not be named; It was identical to this one, except for the inclusion of Vincent. May not be true, but it explains why they changed Bruce Banner to David in the Hulk show . . . And why they never really gave "Beauty And The Beast" much of a chance.
LaMa in Europe Member	Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 \| 08:25 AM Oooooooh, Stephy boy, you are waaaaaaaay out when you state that the name of LaMa means you are Gay. OOOOOOOOh rats, my nail varnish just got damaged... Boo, Darling, did you like that cuuuuuuuuute handbag I bought yetsreday and sent you a piccy of?
Maegan in Tampa, FL - USA Member	Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 \| 10:33 AM the reason the original Hulk TV show didn't include the character as Bruce had something to do with this. I"m not sure how what your parents named you could have any bearing on your sexuality.
X in McKinney, TX Member	Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 \| 10:40 AM It's just a Joke Maeg..........
Sharruma in capable of finishing a coherent Member	Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 \| 11:40 AM I don't remember the TV version of Batman going by the name David Wayne
DFStuckey	Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 \| 10:01 PM Sharruma, of course not. Because the TV batman was so maculine and not at all camp and boy-scouty, was it?!? Sarcasm mode off.
Rita	Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 \| 11:21 AM Oh, so all dogs are manly, huh? Guess you can have a maltese, pomeranian or poodle and still be just as manly.
Maegan in Tampa, FL - USA Member	Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 \| 11:30 AM I know it's a joke...but aren't all jokes based on reality? Besides, the one guy I know named Bruce...is gay.
Charybdis in Hell Member	Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 \| 02:17 PM Maybe he just told you that to get you to stop asking him out. 😛
Dude	Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 \| 04:04 PM Char that was mean...but funny.
Raoul	Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 \| 06:36 PM Stephen- you are too much the man, but you can still be my Bitch, you dung-punching ass bandito... Ha ha ha- I am sorry, but you had deserved that, you know? Don't get me started... Raoul
mystic.chyc	Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 \| 09:23 PM rita, those arent really dogs. theyre mutants of some sort, or large rodents. dogs are, you know, big, and hairy, and useful.
French Canadian	Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 \| 09:40 PM How someone can possibly be gay, it's beyond comprehension. Isn't a women the most beautifull thing in the universe or what ???
Wendy	Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 \| 12:27 AM Why sure, French Canadian ... lots of gay women think so. Oh, sorry - were you only talking to men here? Silly me.
Chuck in Rhode Island Member	Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 \| 07:25 AM couple of names to add to the list....Jean Luc, Pierre or any other of those gay ass frenchy names. lmao, and i am just being sarcastic 😊 ya cheese eatin surrender monkey :lol: sorry, lost control of myself for a sec there
X in McKinney, TX Member	Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 \| 08:01 AM UPDATE: I deleted Smerk's and FC's recent comments due to petty exchange of words that I will not allow to take up space on here.
Hairy Houdini	Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 \| 01:58 PM Stephen: you delete my comments One More Time, and I'll post that sex video we made in Cancun... you know, the one where you took a bubble bath with the cabana boys, while I watched...don't tempt me, you dick. From Sir Stephen Seriously, Hairy; You need to stop this crap!!!!! If I delet something it's because it was pure non-sense or off-topic. I know you HATE me but find another way to vent.
Citizen Premier in spite of public outcry Member	Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 \| 03:06 PM Sir Stephen, why not consider deleting your own post then? OWNAGE! From Sir Stephen: I have deleted my own posts'
Charybdis in Hell Member	Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 \| 03:08 PM Because God can't will himself out of existence. Oh wait. Wrong thread. 😊
Reynard Muldrake	Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 \| 07:05 PM Wow, I didn't know folks on these message boards were so cwazy. flees any flames
icarus	Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 \| 07:12 PM On this particular topic, had to share this one: http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2674743 Pretty odd, and funny. Enjoy.

Note: This thread is located in the Old Forum of the Museum of Hoaxes.