Shame on you, Sharruma, but it is funny. Hehehe I guess that's shame on me too, I laughed at it.
Accipiter
in the Northern Hemisphere, unless They have lied. Member
Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 | 07:50 AM
Reminds me of another joke I once heard that was in a similar vein. . .let's see if I can remember it without mangling it too horribly:
A Jewish rabbi, a Catholic cardinal, and an Islamic imam meet at a religious conference and become friends. The cardinal invites the other two to the Vatican. While there, the rabbi notices a golden telephone on a pedestal.
"What's that telephone for?" he asks.
"Oh, that's our direct line to God. You can try it, but it's long distance so it will cost you 100 dollars."
Next the imam invites the other two men to his mosque. Again, the rabbi notices a golden telephone on an altar.
"What's that telephone for?" he asks.
"That's OUR direct line to God. You can use it if you want, but it's long distance. It will cost you only 50 dollars."
Finally, the rabbi invites the other two to his synagogue. When they arrive, they notice a plain telephone sitting on a table in the corner.
"What's that telephone for?" they ask him.
"Oh, well, we also have our direct line to God," he answers, "Go ahead and use it if you need to."
"How much will it cost?" asks the cardinal.
"Nothing. It's a local call," replies the rabbi.
A priest, a rabbi and a monk are on a boat that has just capsized. The monk yells, "We must save the children!" The rabbi replies, "Fuck the children!" Then the priest asks, "Do we have time?"
Maegan
in Tampa, FL - USA Member
Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 | 03:47 PM
Ha! It took me a second to get the first joke. I got the second one right away. Not bad.
Ok, it took me awhile to Sharruma's origional joke. I read it like 3 times and still didn't get it. In fact, I didn't get it until I read Accipiter's joke.
It's probably because I'm Jewish. My thoughts just don't go directly to Jesus, especially when it is something a rabbi is supposedly talking about. Interesting...
Here's a fun jewish joke to add:
An old Jewish woman, on her 80th birthday, decides to prepare her last will and testament. She goes to the rabbi to show it to him and ask his advice on certain points. After all the monetary bequests are alotted, she tells the rabbi of 2 last requests. The first request is that upon her death she is to be cremated. The rabbi strenuously tries to change her mind, explaining that Judaism does not permit such a practice, but the woman is adamant and cannot be swayed.
Seeing the futility of his arguments, the rabbi asks, "and what is your second request?"
"I want my ashes scattered over Bloomingdale's"
"Bloomingdale's? Why Bloomingdale's?"
"Then I'll be sure that my daughters will visit me twice a week!"
Hairy Houdini
Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 | 05:40 PM
a little old man goes before a judge, asking to have his name changed... the judge asks him his name, and the little old guy says, nice and loud: "Irving Lipshitz"... The judge agrees, a name change may be nice, and asks him what he wants to change it to. Without hesitation, the little old man says: "MOE Lipshitz" ba dum pum. Thank you, I'll here till Saturday. Be sure to bar your Tiptender, and drive safely
My uncle changed his last name to Adams. But when people ask him about it, he just says, "No, my whole family just changed their last names to Horvitz."
Reminds me of that joke in Robin Hood: Men in Tights.
"You changed your name to 'Latrine'?" Prince John
"Yeah, it was 'Shithouse' before" The witch
Or words to that effect.
Accipiter
in the Northern Hemisphere, unless They have lied. Member
Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 | 07:31 PM
What is the Jewish view of Jesus, anyway? Are they like the Muslims, considering him to be a prophet but nothing more? Or do they simply consider him to be some schmuck who got on the wrong side of Roman law?
No, actually very different from Muslims. Muslims actually have Jesus in the Koran, he is considered a part of their religion. Judaism is older than Jesus and therefore has no references to him. In other words, Jews just don't have any views of Jesus, other than individual views. Me? I think he was probably a good guy whose life has been misinterpreted throughout history.
Cremations been against the jewish faith for...ummm...the last few thousand years or so.
That's of course if you call it the Jewish "faith". I actually don't like to call it that because I see it more of a culture in modern times than a faith. It can be a faith too, but it depends on the person. I consider myself Jewish, but I'm also an atheist. If I required faith to be Jewish, I wouldn't be able to be.
That's why Judaism is the perfect religion for me anyways. If anyone ever told me what I can and cannot believe and then didn't give me any proof and told me I just needed to have "faith" in it, I'd quit pretty quickly.
The reform synagogue I used to go to didn't discourage cremation really. Cremation was considered an opportunity to do a mitzvah because it is cheaper than a regular burial...their view was that it is better to give money to charity than to bury it in the ground.
andychrist Member
Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 | 08:57 AM
"Cremations been against the jewish faith for...ummm...the last few thousand years or so."
Damn, that must be why my folks put up such a fuss when I tried cremating them! Gosh, if only they had explained that Jewish custom forbade such a practice, I would have buried them instead.
Interesting Winona. I really like reform Judaism because it encourages progressiveness and change. My synagogue in san diego has a female rabbi and a lesbian assistant rabbi. I couldn't be happier.
Andychrist, it probably wasn't the fact that they didn't want to be cremated that made your parents put up such a fuss. It was probably the fact that they were alive enough to put up a fuss while you were cremating them that got them so upset.
Raz: the main rabbi at this one was a guy, but the assistant rabbi was a woman. Out of all the synagogues I've been too that was definately the most inclusive... their Purim was legendary.
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