|
Daily Star of Scotland
|
Posted By:
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Apr 14, 2005
|
First of all, I want to clarify. The Daily Star is a crappy tabloid which I mostly buy because it's cheap and also funny.
Now, for a while I've noticed little articles that then turn up on the museum of hoaxes a few days or weeks later (the suicide dogs one springs to mind) or I notice things I've read on the Museum turning up in the paper a month or so later.
So I decided to note any strange or hoaxy type articles that I came across.
Phew.
Yesterday's articles.
Star Burst
Rich would-be Robinson Crusoes are lining up to splash £5 million for 45-acre Green Island in Dorset's Poole harbour.
Girls so Cocky
A gadget that measures the length and girth of a guy's manhood is being snapped up by women. Thousands have contacted makers Cockrule Ltd ( see here) after seeing it on TV show Friday Night with Jonathan Ross. A spokesman said: 'Women want to know the truth and find out how big their men are.'
Mum Killed By Own Car in Freak Crash
Fawlty antics turn tragic
A mum who launched a Basil Fawlty-style attack on her conked out car was run over and killed by it.
Alison Taylor was so angry when the rusting Peugeot 405 wouldn't start she got out, lifted the bonnet and laid into it with a hammer.
It mirrored a scene from the TV comedy Fawlty Towers when Basil - played by John Cleese - launched a frenzied assault on his stalled car with a broken branch.
But Alison's banging triggered the starter motor and sparked the ailing engine into life.
The car then lurched straight into her because the handbrake was broken.
Terrified Alison, 36, desperately reached out her hand to stop herself being dragged under - but accidentally grabbed the throttle cable.
That caused the car to accelerate and run her over, killing her in front of her mum. Alison had just dropped off her son Daryl, 12, at a school meeting and was trying to get the car to start at Seaton Burn Community College, North Tyneside.
Mum Marjorie said: "The car made a small jump forward followed by a much larger, more obvious one.
"There was smoke coming from the front and I saw Alison trapped underneath."
The family were planning to get rid of the car this week.
"It is one of the strangest cases I've come across." PC George Rutter told a North Tyneside inquest. The coroner gave a verdict of accidental death.
All articles copyrighted to the Daily Star of Scotland, of course.
|
Comments
|
Page 5 of 8 pages ‹ First < 3 4 5 6 7 > Last › |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 | 05:59 AM
It's Bury Late
Two brothers saved enough to give their dad, 60, a funeral after keeping his body under a mattress in a Malaysian hut for 20 years.
Fruit Cakes
Rich Americans are paying up to |
Maegan
in Tampa, FL - USA
Member
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 | 06:00 AM
...I knew someone ate fruitcakes...I knew they had to be British, too!
...I'm sure that Mr. Vlasceanu doesn't regret a thing! |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 | 06:00 AM
I love that last one. |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 | 06:02 AM
A Ticket to Slide
Dozens of motorists have had parking fines quashed because their pay-and-display tickets weren't sticky enough.
Parking chiefs in Whitehaven, Cumbria, cancelled 63 fines after the tickets fell off windscreens. |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 | 06:04 AM
A Chinese man in his 60s strapped his pet turtle to his back in a bid to smuggle it on to a plane. But he was stopped by a guard at Guangzhou who thought the 'hump' on his back looked odd. |
Maegan
in Tampa, FL - USA
Member
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 | 10:52 AM
Ha...He should just have put it in a backpack as carry-on. |
Leonidas
Member
|
Posted: Wed May 11, 2005 | 07:06 AM
i do not see where the hoax is? |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Wed May 11, 2005 | 07:11 AM
Leonidas, they're not hoaxes.
From my initial post:
I decided to note any strange or hoaxy type articles that I came across.
They're just interesting little stories from the paper. |
Maegan
in Tampa, FL - USA
Member
|
Posted: Wed May 11, 2005 | 07:37 AM
Leo, what is the problem? Why are you having issues with this stuff? |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 | 04:27 AM
Star Burst
Unlucky James Quinn, 59, from Leeds, left workmen to fix his Sky dish, but came home and found they had attached it to the top of his clothes pole. |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 | 04:34 AM
Star Burst
A dog called Zak who was made a member of Bebside miners' social club in Blyth, Northumbs, has won |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 | 04:39 AM
Star Burst
A 74-year-old man, arrested 17 times this year for stealing lawnmowers from a West Sussex garden centre, has done it again. |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 | 04:41 AM
Star Burst
Mum Maria Brunner, 38, chose jail instead of paying a parking fine to escape her 'demanding' family in Poing, Germany. |
Maegan
in Tampa, FL - USA
Member
|
Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 | 06:06 AM
I like that last one. Next time I'd overworked & underpaid as a mom...I'll just get arrested. Fantastic vacation! |
Accipiter
Member
|
Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 | 12:00 AM
Get free food, meet fascinating people, learn new skills. . .go for it, Maegan!
Have there been any follow-ups on that telephone mast causing chaos with the cars? I am curious to know what they decide on that matter.
And Leonidas, you're being a twit. Boo's simply posting strange things she's finding in the news. |
Maegan
in Tampa, FL - USA
Member
|
Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 | 11:07 AM
I heard later that, it was basically that the mom didn't want to do anything. She didn't want to take care of anything. She wanted someone to make her meals for her, and she wanted to take a shower without being bothered. (Hmm...) |
Winona
in USA
Member
|
Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 | 12:18 PM
Men Speaks French out of his Buttocks
weekly World News
POO LA LA! MAN SPEAKS FRENCH OUT OF HIS BUTT
-- And he can't understand a word!
BY D.G. BULGER
LINGUISTS and proctologists from around the world are stunned by a Detroit man's unique gift ... he is able to speak fluent French out of his buttocks.
Jason Jablonski, a 40- year-old furniture salesman, began speaking French out of his butt six months ago and has been unable to stop ever since.
According to medical records, he was awakened one night last January in his bedroom by a strange voice that seemed to be coming from under his sheets.
"I listened, but was afraid to move," explains Jablonski. "I thought an intruder may have gotten into bed with me. I couldn't understand what was being said as it was clearly a foreign speaking voice, and I never took any foreign languages back in school.
"The voice kept saying, 'Vive la France.' Finally I threw off the sheets and turned on a light, only to realize the voice was coming straight out of my rear. I was amused and amazed, if also a bit disgusted" Jablonski then reportedly woke his wife Carol and asked her what she thought of the voice. She was more disgusted and less amused than he was and has subsequently left the country.
Communication experts believe that Jablonski is experiencing Intestinal Linguistic Amplification, or ILA, a rare disorder that allows the afflicted to communicate intestinally with other people.
Dr. Edith Winters, senior fellow at the California Institute of Bowel Abnormalities and an expert in ILA, elaborates, "Most cases of ILA are Type I, or common language, meaning the same language is both spoken and rectally amplified. "The individual will often have conversations with his own buttocks. The most notable example of Type IILA was Edward 'Double- Talk' Peterson who was a successful vaudeville ventriloquist in the 1920s."
"Jablonski's case is quite different. He has Type II ILA, or dual language, which is almost unheard of. It is most astounding that his posterior speaks near perfect French without any formal training, yet he cannot understand a word of what his backdoor voice is saying."
Unfortunately, there is no known cure for ILA, although Jablonski reportedly has not sought help and is actually pleased that he has the disorder. The condition has helped Jablonski occupationally.
He is now the leading salesperson in the furniture department at a popular store in Detroit.
The store draws many French Canadian customers from across the border, which has allowed his buttocks to sharpen its conversational skills.
It also allows Jablonski to aid more than one customer at a time, which helped him earn employee of the month honors for the past three months.
While he is happy with his current job, Jablonski had hoped to use his special gift to launch a new career as a French language schoolteacher.
Unfortunately, that did not work out as he was fired after two substitute-teaching jobs at a local community college.
His state employment record shows that "the students in the classroom were frightened by his unconventional teaching style" and were "unwilling to engage his backside in conversation."
He has subsequently had several interviews at the United Nations and is hoping to gain employment as an interpreter in an embassy in a French speaking country.
"Speaking both for myself and my backside, we would really like to help people with our unique speaking skills," offers Jablonski.
"We would like to make a difference in the world. This gift is a blessing that must be used for a higher purpose." |
Charybdis
in Hell
Member
|
Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 | 01:01 PM
Winona, you frighten me sometimes. |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 | 11:11 AM
Nicker Nicked
Police in Baltimore were stunned when Gregory Alston rang them to say his car had been stolen. He'd nicked it himself. |
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
Member
|
Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 | 11:12 AM
Name Droppers
A couple still haven't picked a name for their daughter - 18 months after she was born. The pair, in Arizona, just call her Baby. |
|
Page 5 of 8 pages ‹ First < 3 4 5 6 7 > Last › |
In order to post comments you have to register as a member of the site. We were forced to restrict commenting because spammers were flooding the comment form with spam and crashing the server.
|
Note: This thread is located in the Old Forum of the Museum of Hoaxes.
|
