Posted By:
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii... Apr 14, 2005
First of all, I want to clarify. The Daily Star is a crappy tabloid which I mostly buy because it's cheap and also funny.
Now, for a while I've noticed little articles that then turn up on the museum of hoaxes a few days or weeks later (the suicide dogs one springs to mind) or I notice things I've read on the Museum turning up in the paper a month or so later.
So I decided to note any strange or hoaxy type articles that I came across.
Phew.
Yesterday's articles.
Star Burst
Rich would-be Robinson Crusoes are lining up to splash £5 million for 45-acre Green Island in Dorset's Poole harbour.
Girls so Cocky
A gadget that measures the length and girth of a guy's manhood is being snapped up by women. Thousands have contacted makers Cockrule Ltd ( see here) after seeing it on TV show Friday Night with Jonathan Ross. A spokesman said: 'Women want to know the truth and find out how big their men are.'
Mum Killed By Own Car in Freak Crash Fawlty antics turn tragic
A mum who launched a Basil Fawlty-style attack on her conked out car was run over and killed by it.
Alison Taylor was so angry when the rusting Peugeot 405 wouldn't start she got out, lifted the bonnet and laid into it with a hammer.
It mirrored a scene from the TV comedy Fawlty Towers when Basil - played by John Cleese - launched a frenzied assault on his stalled car with a broken branch.
But Alison's banging triggered the starter motor and sparked the ailing engine into life.
The car then lurched straight into her because the handbrake was broken.
Terrified Alison, 36, desperately reached out her hand to stop herself being dragged under - but accidentally grabbed the throttle cable.
That caused the car to accelerate and run her over, killing her in front of her mum. Alison had just dropped off her son Daryl, 12, at a school meeting and was trying to get the car to start at Seaton Burn Community College, North Tyneside.
Mum Marjorie said: "The car made a small jump forward followed by a much larger, more obvious one.
"There was smoke coming from the front and I saw Alison trapped underneath."
The family were planning to get rid of the car this week.
"It is one of the strangest cases I've come across." PC George Rutter told a North Tyneside inquest. The coroner gave a verdict of accidental death.
All articles copyrighted to the Daily Star of Scotland, of course.
Accipiter
in the Northern Hemisphere, unless They have lied. Member
Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 | 07:38 AM
I keep a hammer in my car. I don't really know why, though. I also keep a fire ax and a machete in there as well.
There was a car parked not far from one place I lived for a while, and it had one of those super-sensitive alarms that would start blaring away if so much as a light breeze hit the car. Needless to say, everybody got tired of hearing it go off. One of my friends finally had enough, and he went out with his shotgun and emptied a 200-round box of shells into it. By the third round, the car went silent.
That thing about the horse confused me at first, too. I was thinking that Benylin was somebody's name. It sounds like somebody from Kirov. Oh well. I've actually seen a sort of horse ballet. They were specially trained horses in Austria, but I forget what they were called. Lipizangers, or something like that.
LaMa
in Europe Member
Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 | 01:37 PM
Benylin is a cough medicin that looks and tastes al lot likes tar but is very effective. It is also mildly sedative, so I hope the horse did not fall asleep.
Had a lot of it in my childhood.
LaMa
in Europe Member
Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 | 01:39 PM
Oh and Rambo; it is Lipizaner.
Accipiter
in the Northern Hemisphere, unless They have lied. Member
Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 | 07:55 PM
Wow, I was only one letter off! Sometimes I even impress myself. Nobody else, of course, but at least myself. . .
Accipiter
in the Northern Hemisphere, unless They have lied. Member
Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 | 07:56 PM
Well, I'm off to Majorca now. I've always heard about people going there, so I thought I'd go myself and see what's so great about it. Happy weekend, everybody.
Shock for Car Yobs
Electrician Peter Bayles got so tired of vandals attacking his car, he wired it up to the mains to give the yobs a shock
But a neighbour saw him boobytrapping his Ford Mondeo and tipped off the police.
Bayles, 28, of Eldon, Co Durham, yesterday admitted attempted assault when he appeared at Teesside Crown Court.
He was given an 80-hour community punishment and 12 months of community rehabilitation.
He said outside court: "The vandals made my life a misery."
An L of a Mess
A learner driver reversed over her mum and killed her while trying to park.
The 16 year old was being guided into a spot when she hit the accelerator and crushed her against the kerb.
Police in Marlborough, New Jersey, haven't named the pair but described it as a "horrible accident".
They said the couple had even set up traffic cones in the street for her lesson.
Dead Careless
Mortuary boss Richard Vassar faces a fine for careless driving after losing a coffin from his trailer in Idaho.
It's a Knockout
A sports lesson ended with a pupil impaled by a javelin and his pal knocked out with a shot putt in Kalama, Washington State.
Zoo on Wheels
Police got a nasty shock when they stopped a motor home because of a broken rear light.
In a search of the vehicle they found 32 alligators and more than 50 snakes, tortoises, chickens, rats, rabbits and dogs.
Three officers from Arizona Game and Fish Department spent seven hours binding the alligators' mouths with tape.
"They were a little feisty," said an officer.
A Cheap Shot
A polite customer who held a door open for a man at a store in Kansas City was shot in the leg for making a sarcastic remark.
Winona, that's the same guy!
International news here...
Actually, only one of today's updates isn't from America.
Maegan
in Tampa, FL - USA Member
Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 | 04:18 AM
Winona:
...See Off Topic thread for the "Chilli Incident".
Accipiter
in the Northern Hemisphere, unless They have lied. Member
Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 | 07:48 PM
I miss the old tabloids they used to have, things like "Giant Frogs Eat Entire Brazilian Village!" or "Cows in New England Mysteriously Explode!". Now they all seem to be things about Jessica Simpson's marriage or Brad Pitt's latest girlfriend. Where'd all the fun stuff go?
Shame Game
A computer game in which players can choose to 'take' a cocktail of hard drugs is on the way to the UK.
Narc, in which a cop is corrupted by taking LSD, ecstasy and crack, is banned in Australia.
US psychologist David Walsh said it glorified drugs and added: "It is a dangerous message."
Star Burst
Spicy lovers can now tie the knot over a curry. The Mint Leaf in London's Haymarket is the first Indian restaurant to get a marriage licence.
