Posted By:
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii... Apr 14, 2005
First of all, I want to clarify. The Daily Star is a crappy tabloid which I mostly buy because it's cheap and also funny.
Now, for a while I've noticed little articles that then turn up on the museum of hoaxes a few days or weeks later (the suicide dogs one springs to mind) or I notice things I've read on the Museum turning up in the paper a month or so later.
So I decided to note any strange or hoaxy type articles that I came across.
Phew.
Yesterday's articles.
Star Burst
Rich would-be Robinson Crusoes are lining up to splash £5 million for 45-acre Green Island in Dorset's Poole harbour.
Girls so Cocky
A gadget that measures the length and girth of a guy's manhood is being snapped up by women. Thousands have contacted makers Cockrule Ltd ( see here) after seeing it on TV show Friday Night with Jonathan Ross. A spokesman said: 'Women want to know the truth and find out how big their men are.'
Mum Killed By Own Car in Freak Crash Fawlty antics turn tragic
A mum who launched a Basil Fawlty-style attack on her conked out car was run over and killed by it.
Alison Taylor was so angry when the rusting Peugeot 405 wouldn't start she got out, lifted the bonnet and laid into it with a hammer.
It mirrored a scene from the TV comedy Fawlty Towers when Basil - played by John Cleese - launched a frenzied assault on his stalled car with a broken branch.
But Alison's banging triggered the starter motor and sparked the ailing engine into life.
The car then lurched straight into her because the handbrake was broken.
Terrified Alison, 36, desperately reached out her hand to stop herself being dragged under - but accidentally grabbed the throttle cable.
That caused the car to accelerate and run her over, killing her in front of her mum. Alison had just dropped off her son Daryl, 12, at a school meeting and was trying to get the car to start at Seaton Burn Community College, North Tyneside.
Mum Marjorie said: "The car made a small jump forward followed by a much larger, more obvious one.
"There was smoke coming from the front and I saw Alison trapped underneath."
The family were planning to get rid of the car this week.
"It is one of the strangest cases I've come across." PC George Rutter told a North Tyneside inquest. The coroner gave a verdict of accidental death.
All articles copyrighted to the Daily Star of Scotland, of course.
Star Burst
Mafia bosses are swapping their guns for Viagra. The Gambino crime family flogs the sex pills after paying off crooked doctors, the FBI said.
Next of Skin
A stallion has been cloned from a castrated champion racer in Italy. Scientists used skin cells from the donor animal.
Scoot Ban's a Hoot
A drink-drive Scot is facing a driving ban... after crashing his 8mph electric scooter into a ditch.
Former RAF technician Andrew Robertson, 68, of Bishops Stortford, Herts, was on his was home from the pub when he drove off the road.
Police found that he was almost twice the drink drive limit when they arrived to help pull the £5300 scooter free.
Robertson told officers he had drunk five pints of beer at a working men's club before heading home.
At an earlier court hearing he was banned from driving, but that conviction has now been set aside so magistrates can decide if the scooter qualifies as a motor vehicle.
Robertson, originally from Auchterarder, where he used to run the Cragrossie Hotel bar, said: "The scooter is my legs, it's my only way of getting out of my house, to go to the shops, to meet people."
He added: "I find the whole thing hilarious. There has been no end of mickey taking from my friends because of this."
Give Ernie a Break
Kitchen porter Ernie Coils is a real-life Unbreakable man after beating death FOUR times.
Like Bruce Willis's character in the Hollywood film, it seems he cannot be killed.
After surviving a motorbike crash, being beaten up by thugs and blown up by the IRA, the 55-year-old has now survived brain surgery after a stroke - despite apparently dying twice on the operating table.
Ernie, of Peterlee, Co Durham, said: "I certainly feel breakable myself after this."
Winona
in USA Member
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 | 05:19 AM
LOL. I love these! You willing to keep 'em coming?
It's not like anybody expects me to actually work during the day...
Ahhh, I do it first thing in the morning anyway. That's emergency tea break time in my office.
Winona
in USA Member
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 | 05:47 AM
Cool!
I'm on and off the computer all day long. I work part time for myself so I get the sweet deal - if I wanna kick off I do. Of course I still do need to watch the kiddo....
Kids take a lot of watching, so I'm told.
But give 'em a bit of whiskey and you're sorted!
Winona
in USA Member
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 | 06:14 AM
LOL, I'm just keeping him amused. We've got some great preschool practise books that he loved so we're working together on them.
Maegan
in Tampa, FL - USA Member
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 | 07:41 AM
My mom calls it a phillips head too. But, she's never said it to you, so I would still be the first woman YOU know to utter Phillip, rather than calling it something stupid. (Yes, STUPID.)
Sadly, I lost my multipurpose screwdriver when I was cleaning chili out of the back of my station wagon. I took it in someplace to rinse it off, and left w/o it. I was trying to clean myself up as well. Must have slipped my mind. Need to get another soon.
Winona
in USA Member
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 | 07:49 AM
Ok, I have to ask.... how'd you get chili in the back of your station wagon?
Star Burst
A poorly white stallion was given Benylin before going on stage with the Kirov ballet in Cardiff to stop his nasty cough.
Star Burst
The majority of teenage lads would love to bed an older woman, according to an online poll, but 9% said they'd expect cash to have sex with a 40 - 50 year old.
Star Burst
A man spent a night in jail... for shooting his car. John McGivney, 64, fired five rounds into his Chrysler's bonnet when it wouldn't start in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
Star Burst
Germany's first neo-Nazi football team have complained they are bottom of their local league in Rathenow because their best players keep getting arrested by police.
E-mail for Tots
Toddlers could soon be sending emails with a new computer pad that uses play pegs instead of a keyboard and mouse.
Okay, that was a misinterpretation! I read horse in ballet, and think WTF? That can't be right, maybe there's some guy by the name of Benylin in the ballet, who was given a horse to cure him of his cough!
