|
Puns
|
Posted By:
Evildream
in You mamas house
Apr 13, 2005
|
The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
There was a guy who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked. "No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."
Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large.
|
Comments
|
Page 3 of 9 pages < 1 2 3 4 5 > Last › |
LaMa
in Europe
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:12 PM
Charybdis; Beware the Ides of March!!! |
Winona
in USA
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:13 PM
La: ides are March are already past.... that's a long wait! |
Myst
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:16 PM
You guys are just too much!
 |
Charybdis
in Hell
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:22 PM
So Myst, now that I'm a free man again what do ya say me and you get a drink?
*looks over Myst's shoulder to see if Winona is watching and getting jealous* |
LaMa
in Europe
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:22 PM
Sorry, I just had to use that phrase (from 'Julius Caesar', act I scene 2).
It has always been my secret dream to one day stand near the cortege of professors at Leiden university, step up to the rector magnificus and proclaim: 'Beware the Ides of March!'
Wonder if he would understand? I think he never read Shakespeare. |
LaMa
in Europe
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:24 PM
Hey, how come all women suddenly lost their avatar in my browser? Winona, Myst.... That's friggin weird. |
Winona
in USA
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:27 PM
*bops Chary on the head and drags him off*
Better, sweetie? |
Winona
in USA
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:28 PM
La, no idea... I can see mine, Myst's, yours, etc. Though the animated ones aren't for me. Not sure why.
Is it only the women? |
Charybdis
in Hell
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:29 PM
Sounds like a personal problem LaMa. Maybe we can help. Why don't you start by telling us about your mother... |
Charybdis
in Hell
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:32 PM
Actually, that is strange 'cause they're not even hosted by the same site. As for Winona, I have no idea why your gifs aren't animating. Wait, maybe I do. Hang on. |
Myst
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:33 PM
Chary, shame on you for using me to get to Winona.
*Dumps her drink on chary's head* |
Charybdis
in Hell
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:34 PM
If you have Microsoft IE try going to Tool/internet options/advanced tab/multimedia/check "play animation in web pages"/apply/refresh/see if that works. |
LaMa
in Europe
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:35 PM
its fuckin weird. Smerk, Winona, Myst: gone!
Charyb, me, Alex, Citizen Premier: present.
weird but true |
LaMa
in Europe
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:36 PM
Kick his nuts, Myst.....
and I use Mozilla Firefox, not IE |
Charybdis
in Hell
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:37 PM
Myst baby, ya know I love you.
Why don't you and Winona fight over me?
*rigs up a ring and starts selling tickets* |
Winona
in USA
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:38 PM
Nope Chary, was already checked. I unchecked and checked it, but nothing. Ah well, so sad. I suppose I can live without it, but when you all are gushing over something I just feel so left out. 
La: very very odd. I dunno. Spirit of an old girlfriend haunting you? |
LaMa
in Europe
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:40 PM
Now, Myst, do youhave a picture of yourselve as well?  |
Charybdis
in Hell
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:40 PM
LaMa, the IE is for Winona. I think your problem is psychological in nature. Your subconsious is blinding you to women because you feel guilty over stealing my Pooh away.
 |
Winona
in USA
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:41 PM
I won't fight over any man. Especially one who wants to make a profit off it. |
LaMa
in Europe
Member
|
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:42 PM
spirit of my current "girlfriend" haunting me. She is quite jealous by nature indeed.... |
|
Page 3 of 9 pages < 1 2 3 4 5 > Last › |
In order to post comments you have to register as a member of the site. We were forced to restrict commenting because spammers were flooding the comment form with spam and crashing the server.
|
Note: This thread is located in the Old Forum of the Museum of Hoaxes.
|
