Joke - more bad jokes, sorry
Apr 07, 2005
A cop pulls a man over for speeding
'Sir,' He says, 'I'm part of a new national scheme where we stop good
drivers so they can be put into a draw for one million dollars and seeing
the way you performed that last right hand turn I'd like to nominate you.'
'That's a relief,' says the driver, 'I thought you were stopping me for
jumping that red light.'
'Take no notice of him,' says his wife, sat in the passenger seat, 'he
always gets like that when he's drunk and high on pot.'
Just then the man in the back seat who has been asleep until now, wakes up
and sees the uniform. 'Damn it, I told you this make of vehicle was too
obvious, we should have dumped it and stolen a different one.'
With that there is a knock from the inside of the trunk, 'Are we safely
across the border yet?'
A man is stopped by a cop for speeding.
'Sir, are you aware you were doing 80 miles in a 45 mile zone.
'Yes,' replies the driver.
'I see,' says the cop, 'very well I'll need to see your license and
'Oh, I don't have those,' the driver replies, ' you see this isn't my car.
'not your car?' says the cop.
'No, I stole it. Oh hold on, I think I may have seen the registration in the
glove compartment. When I was putting the gun away?'
'The gun?' says the cop.
'Yes, the one I shot the cars owner with. After I dumped his body in the
'Let me get this straight sir,' the cop says, 'theres a body in the trunk
and the murder weapon is in the glove compartment. And this is a stolen
'That's about it,' agrees the driver.
'Please step out of the car sir,' the cop sir. He then calls for back up
deciding he needs help with this.
Before long the area is surrounded with cops, a detective comes up to the
man. 'I'm told there's a body in the trunk of your car?'
'No sir,' says the driver. He opens the trunk, no body.
'What about the gun in the glove compartment?' The detective says.
The driver opens the glove compartment, no gun.
'And I was informed the car was stolen,' the detective says
'Oh,' said the driver handing over the proof that the car belonged to him,
'who would say that?'
The detective indicates the cop that called for back up.
'I suppose the bastard claimed I was speeding too.' The driver said.
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in Perth, Western Australia
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 | 07:10 AM
A cop pulls over a man who has just run a stop sign.
"Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a ticket since you failed to come to a complete stop."
The driver is pissed. "Give me a break. I slowed down didn't I? What the hell is the difference?"
The cop pulls out his baton and starts whacking the guy on the head.
"Hey! What are you doing? Stop it!" The driver screams.
The cop pauses "I'm sorry sir, did you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
in the land of smarties.
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 | 12:50 PM
What do you call a group of cows?
What do you call a group of birds?
What do you call a group of pigs?
(or precinct if you prefer.)
The above joke was actually told to me by an RCMP corporal. He had lots more, but this was the only one that stuck.
in Daleside Road, Nottingham, NG2 4DH, UK
Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 | 05:45 AM
A steal pulls in surplus of a gentleman who has now run a discontinue symbol.
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