April Fool's Day Archive, Contents:

Melbourne Tourism Minister Tim Holding announced the city was making a bid to host the Running of the Bulls: "For too long the people of Pamplona have monopolised this event, the Brumby Government is determined to grab the bull by the horns and snare this important event for Melbourne. Holding said the bull run would "start in the historic theatre precinct at the Paris End of Collins Street, travel through Chinatown, across Swanston Street, through the quaint King Street district and end at a packed Etihad Stadium."

The tourism board of Rotorua, New Zealand (a town famous for having a peculiar rotten egg smell caused by sulphur released from nearby geysers and hot thermal springs) announced that scientists from Italy's University of Naples had discovered a positive link between the town's smell and male sexual arousal. As a result, playboy founder Hugh Hefner had decided to convert the Rotorua Museum into his Holiday Mansion. Rotorua Tourism Marketing general manager Don Gunn was quoted as saying that the Playboy Holiday Mansion development would likely raise a few eyebrows in the local community, but that he expected the long-term benefits for local tourism to be huge.

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton challenged rival Barack Obama to a "bowl off." She said, "today I am challenging Senator Obama to a bowl-off. A bowling night right here in Pennsylvania. Winner take all. I’ll even spot him two frames. It’s time for his campaign to get out of the gutter and allow all of the pins to be counted. And I’m prepared to play this game all the way to the tenth frame." The challenge was a joking reference to Obama's poor performance when he spent an afternoon bowling in Altoona, Pennsylvania. He scored a 37 out of a possible 300.

The Chamber of Commerce of Ely, Minnesota announced that Canada had expressed interest in buying the town and moving it north of the US/Canada border. In response to the offer, the town launched a "Keep Ely in Minnesota" campaign. Other buyers said to be interested in the town were Kansas, Oklahoma, Uzbekistan and a private party who wanted to move Ely to the South Pacific. The Ely Tourism Board subsequently said it dreamed up the hoax as a way to remind tourists that "we're still here." Reportedly, one woman phoned up the Chamber of Commerce in a panic, worried about what would happen to her property once the town moved to Canada.

British Waterways released a study claiming that a study conducted by Dr. Olaf Priol had found that ducks who lived on canals weighed, on average, a pound more than ducks who lived on rivers. The slow-moving canal water apparently provided the ducks with less opportunity for exercise, and so they gained weight. The study had an embargo date of April 1st (meaning that the media was not supposed to make it public until then), but the BBC, believing the study to be real, broke the embargo and discussed it earlier.

The Norwegian Board of Tourism ran an ad in Swedish newspapers debuting a new underground super-train, Scandinavian Earthlines, that would connect Sweden and Norway and allow a trip from Stockholm to Lofoten to be made in under an hour. Readers were invited to call a phone number for more information. Those who phoned up were informed that the super-train wasn't actually real, but were given a pitch inviting them to visit Norway anyway.

An Oslo Township announced that city workers had discovered the remains of a 15,000-year-old body while digging part of a tunnel for the local subway system. As a result, work on the subway had been halted indefinitely. The skeleton was going to be named “Homo Metro” because of where it had been found.

The European Committee issued a communique in which it declared that it was banning single-shelled eggs, in order to prevent cracked eggs being found in food stores. The ban was a play on the French word "coque" which means both egg shell and ship's hull.

The Danish Government issued a demand that the British government make its motorists drive on the right side of the road, instead of the left. The Danish Prime Minister Poul Schluter held a press conference at which he said, "We see this as a very serious case and intend to raise the issue in the (European Economic) Community… It is one of our priorities." Schluter, known as an enthusiastic cyclist, remarked that he was afraid to ride his bicycle in Britain. As he was leaving the press conference he turned and added, "April Fools."

The British Department of Energy placed a full-page advertisement in the Times and Guardian newspapers urging that the earth's axis be shifted in order to warm the climate and conserve energy. The advertisement, which reportedly cost 18,000 pounds to place, included maps of how the earth would look after the shift. At the bottom of the ad appeared the phrase 'April Fuel.' The Department explained later that it placed the ad in order to provoke thought about energy conservation. However, the ad provoked criticism from some quarters. Mr Stan Orme, shadow energy secretary, remarked, "This is an outrageous expenditure of public money. Let us hope this is the last time we see such expensive nonsense."

The President of the World Bank. A.W. Clausen, circulated a letter to World Bank officials declaring that a search committee had decided that he would soon be replaced by Jeane J. Kirkpatrick. The text of the letter read: "The appointment represents the culmination of a lengthy worldwide selection process, involving a search for candidates who were neither encumbered by any previous ideas on international development in general nor likely to be embarrassed by any prior commitment to the concept of multilateral assistance in particular. Ms. Kirkpatrick, a U.S. nationalist, has had a distinguished career in all the main political parties in this country, but at the moment is a Republican. Although she taught at Georgetown University long before basketball was ever invented, as U.S. Ambassador at the United Nations she gained a well-deserved reputation for putting the Third World countries through the hoop. The Search Committee feels that this experience abundantly qualifies her for the exacting duties of a position that I myself am looking forward to vacating, now that the World Bank and the I.M.F. have made the world safe again for private banking." The letter was an April Fool's Day joke.

New York City Controller Harrison Golden called a news conference at which he announced that the city was purchasing the professional football team, the Green Bay Packers. City retirement funds would be used to make the purchase, and the Packers would replace the Giants and the Jets. Reporters had already phoned the story into the New York Post and Daily News when a press representative in Golden's office announced that the news was an April Fool's day joke. The Post complained that they had almost put the story on their front page, a mistake which would have cost them $100,000 to correct.

Representative Thomas J. Downey, a Democrat from New York, issued a news release proposing that the minimum age for Congressmen be lowered from 25 to 15. He cited the need for "new blood in Congress." He argued that teenagers could usefully lead a Select Committee on Acne and noted that "junkets could become field trips; the carry-outs could sell Twinkies; missed votes could be excused with a note from Mom." He did concede, however, that there would be an increased risk of "food fights in the cafeteria."

The British Department of Energy issued a five-page statement urging men who had been dieting and feeling cold without the extra body weight to insulate them, to stay warm by wearing special, extra-wide ties, called "thermal ties." The joke received a stern reprimand from Conservative MP Anthony Beaumont-Dark who complained that such pranks were "OK for the music hall, but we do not expect this type of thing from government departments."

State Senator Victor Crawford of Montgomery, Maryland introduced a bill into the Maryland senate proposing that his district receive $45 million to buy the Baltimore Colts and build a new stadium for them at the Laytonsville dump site in upper Montgomery County.