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April Fool's Day, 1995

Discover magazine published an article detailing the discovery by wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo of a fascinating new species: the hotheaded naked ice borer. Dr. Pazzo, the article explained, encountered this creature while studying penguins in Antarctica. She noticed a frightened penguin rapidly sinking into the ice, and when she pulled the hapless creature out of the rapidly growing slush pool, she found small, bizarre animals attached to its lower body. They were about half a foot long, and quite light. Their unique feature was a bony plate on their head that they could cause to become burning hot, allowing them to bore tunnels through the ice at high speeds, "much faster than a penguin can waddle." Packs of them would rapidly melt the ice beneath a penguin, causing it to sink into the slush, at which point they would surround the creature and consume it. Dr. Pazzo hypothesized that the hotheads might have been responsible for the mysterious disappearance of noted Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson in 1837. "To the ice borers, he would have looked like a penguin," she was quoted as saying. Discover received an enormous amount of mail in response to this article. The responses of most readers were very tongue-in-cheek, but a few readers were annoyed that Discover had taken liberties with the trust of its readers. (For more details, see article: Hotheaded Naked Ice Borer.)

The Glasgow Herald described the recent arrival in Britain of a new energy-saving miracle: heat-generating plants. These plants, known by the scientific name Solar Complexus Americanus, were imports from Venezuela. One plant alone, fed by nothing more than three pints of water a day, generated as much heat as a 2kw electric fire. A few of these horticultural wonders placed around a house could entirely eliminate the need for a central-heating system, and when submerged in water, the plants created a constant supply of hot water. The Scandinavian botanist responsible for discovering these hot-air producers was Professor Olaf Lipro.

The Irish Times reported that the Disney Corporation was negotiating with the Russian government to purchase the embalmed body of communist leader Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. The body has been kept on display in Red Square since the leader's death. Disney proposed moving the body and the mausoleum to the new Euro Disney, where it would be given the "full Disney treatment." This would include displaying the body "under stroboscopic lights which will tone up the pallid face while excerpts from President Reagan's 'evil empire' speech will be played in quadrophonic sound." Lenin t-shirts would also be sold. Disney anticipated that this attraction would attract more visitors to the theme park, significantly boosting profits which had been weak since the park's opening. The Russians were said to be agreeable to the sale of Lenin's body. However, a controversy had erupted about the sale of the mausoleum. Liberal groups wanted to keep the mausoleum empty "to symbolize the 'emptiness of the Communist system,'" while Russian nationalists wanted to transform it into a memorial to Tsar Nicholas II.