Article Bonsai Kitten
Summary: A website that came online in late 2000 purported to offer instructions on how to raise kittens inside of glass jars.
The Bonsai Kitten website. Bonsai describes the ancient Japanese art of growing miniature trees by rigorous pruning of their roots and branches. Because of their small size, aesthetic appeal, and minimal upkeep requirements, Bonsai trees have long been popular additions to offices and homes.
In late 2000 the website bonsaikitten.com debuted. It described how to apply the same Bonsai principles to kittens. The idea was to seal kittens inside glass containers. As they grew (fed and watered through a tube), the bones of the cats would supposedly conform to the shape of whatever container held them. At the end of the process a uniquely shaped ‘Bonsai Kitten’ would emerge—sure to be the envy of all.
“You no longer need be satisfied with a house pet having the same mundane shape as all other members of its species,” the site declared. “With Bonsai Kitten a world of variation awaits you, limited only by your own imagination.” The site also advertised that hand-grown Bonsai Kittens were available for sale to the public.
The site contained numerous, over-the-top details designed to provoke. (WARNING: the squeamish might want to skip this paragraph.) For instance, it described the soft, springiness of kitten bones, claiming that “if you take a week-old kitten and throw it to the floor, it will actually bounce!” It also provided nauseating details involving super glue and plastic tubes for dealing with waste removal: “as the kitten’s body is still developing, a natural rectal diverticulum will soon form around the tube.” Finally, it offered the disturbing reminder that one should remember to drill an airhole for the kitty.
Bonsai Kitten Pictures
Above: Pictures from the Bonsai Kitten website illustrating how to create a Bonsai Kitten. The caption on the site states, “Initial insertion, with aid of Alessi shoehorn. Kitten has been given muscle relaxant 30 min. prior to insertion process.”
Public Reaction
BonsaiKitten.com almost immediately generated a huge amount of controversy. Furious animal lovers insisted that it be closed down. The Humane Society of the United States, among others, denounced it.
It was soon discovered that the site was hosted on web servers at MIT, and that it had been created by MIT students. The identity of the students was never revealed. The students conducted a few interviews with the press using the alias “Dr. Michael Wong Chang.” They explained that the site was a prank designed to satirize “the human belief of nature as a commodity.” They also expressed surprise at the reaction of animal organizations. “To be honest, we never expected the animal organizations to get involved at all,” Dr. Chang said. “We thought they’d understand.”
The fact that the site was a hoax had been obvious to many from the start. After all, the bones of kittens will not actually mold to the shape of a container.
But the fact that the site was a hoax did little to calm animal lovers. Instead, their anger continued to grow. In February 2001 the FBI got involved and subpoenaed all information about the site from MIT. But its investigation came up empty when it found no evidence of animal abuse or of the sale of Bonsai Kittens.
Faced with growing controversy, MIT elected to remove the site from its servers. But that was not the end of BonsaiKitten.com. What started was a game of ‘cat and mouse,’ as the site simply began relocating from one server to another. Whenever furious animal lovers discovered its new location, they would bombard its host with criticism until the weary host, buckling under the weight of the attacks, would force BonsaiKitten.com to move on and find a new home. This continued until the site finally found a home on Rotten.com. It remained there for many years. As of 2007, a version of the site (minus some of the original images) is hosted on shorty.com. The original domain name, bonsaikitten.com, is now a portal for advertisers of cat food and discount pet medications.
The Controversy Continues
Even today, years after its creation, Bonsai Kitten continues to generate criticism, though it has by now been thoroughly debunked as a hoax. An email petition still circulates, urging people to help shut down the site. This petition is sponsored by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals).
Critics argue that, even if Bonsai Kitten was simply a hoax, it was too shocking, that it crossed the line of decency and promoted cruelty to animals.
Defenders of the hoax point out that the best satire is often cruel. It seems clear that the MIT students were not suggesting people actually torture kittens, just as Jonathan Swift was not actually suggesting that the rich should eat the children of the poor when he wrote his famous “Modest Proposal” in 1729.
It has also been noted that the Bonsai Kitten hoax reflected the techie culture of MIT, in the sense that it strove to transform the messy chaotic natural world into linear, geometric precision. Or rather, it sought to transform cute kittens into rectangular monsters.
Copy Cats
A few sites have attempted to build upon the Bonsai Kitten joke. For instance, omegagrafix.com hosts a satirical page that offers to sell Bonsai Kitten Christmas Tree Ornaments. The page states, “Notice the splendid use of the tail to form a hanger. Imagine how this will look gracing your yule tide tree. Kids love to watch em blink when they poke at them. And no mess to clean up! The ornament is its’ own kitty litter box.”
The omegagrafix.com page includes a disclaimer: “This ad is stictly bogus. All checks and money orders will be donated to the local pet cemetary, who, btw have yet to register any complaints of abuse or unusual activities towards cats, kittens, deformed trees, LongNecks, or clueless retards who believe this to be God’s Own Truth.”
We are not responsible for Bonsai Kitten
Over the years, the Museum of Hoaxes has received hundreds of emails from people who seem convinced that we are responsible for the Bonsai Kitten hoax. These emails (many of them quite scary) often describe in graphic detail what will happen to us when we are sealed inside glass jars. Evidently the senders of these emails believe we might be responsible for Bonsai Kitten because we posted an article debunking it. For the record, let us state that we have nothing to do with Bonsai Kitten (except for the article we posted about it). Threatening to kill us will not help the campaign to stop Bonsai Kitten.
References
- BonsaiKitten.com (now archived at Shorty.com)
- Janet Kornblum. (February, 2002). “Bonsai Kitten site brings animal-rights roar.” USA Today.
- Declan McCullagh. (February 9, 2001). FBI Goes After Bonsaikitten.com. Wired.com.