Table of Contents

• UFO Lands Near London
• Driver’s Weight Sensors
• April Fool’s Wedding
• Barbara Bush Goes Red
• Soundproof Paint
• Secretary of State Baker Introduces Himself to Secretary
• Submarines Secretly Patrol Thames
• High School Students Recreate Cold Fusion
• Getting The Bugs Out

UFO Lands Near London

Richard Branson in ET costume poses before his UFO balloonOn March 31, astonished British policemen were sent to investigate a glowing flying saucer that had settled down in a field in Surrey. As the policemen approached the craft with their truncheons held out before them, a door opened in the bottom of the ship and a small figure wearing a silver space suit walked out. The policemen immediately took off in the opposite direction. The alien turned out to be a midget, and the flying saucer was a hot air balloon that had been specially built to look like a UFO by Richard Branson, the 36-year-old chairman of Virgin Records. Branson had taken off in the balloon the day before, planning to land in London’s Hyde Park on April 1. However, a wind change had blown him down a day early in the Surrey field. The police reported that they received a flood of phonecalls from scared motorists using roadside emergency phones as the balloon passed over the highway. One lady reportedly called a radio station to describe the UFO that she was looking at, not realizing that she was standing in front of her window stark naked. One of the policemen who had to approach the craft later admitted that, “I have never been so scared in 20 years of being a policeman.”

Driver’s Weight Sensors

BMW announced a new anti-theft device that would soon be available on its cars—Driver’s Weight Sensors (DWS). The device would recognize the weight of the driver, and if a driver with a different weight attempted to start the car they would be greeted by gongs and flashing headlamps while a hidden radio signal contacted the police. Interested readers were instructed to contact Hugh Phelfrett at BMW.

April Fool’s Wedding

Martin Fitchie, a 29 year-old bachelor, arrived at what he thought was a friend’s wedding, only to discover that the wedding was his own. His girlfriend of nine years, Sue Ludlow, was waiting for him in the Canterbury register office, dressed in her bridal best. Fitchie agreed to her proposal, and after the ceremony was over he commented, “I am sure when I have had time to think about it, I will quite like the idea of being married.”

Barbara Bush Goes Red

First lady Barbara Bush, known for her gray hair, attended the annual Gridiron dinner wearing a red wig. The Gridiron dinner is an annual event during which politicians and the press exchange jokes at each other’s expense. However, Barbara Bush never indicated that her wig was a joke, causing confusion among members of the press who thought she had actually dyed her hair. No one even dared to mention her new hair color until the end of the evening when George Bush rose to make some remarks and commented that, “Luckily Barbara has not reacted in the slightest to all the comments about her gray hair.” Speechwriter Landon Parvin later said, “It was great. She looked awful. It looked like she had Millie [their dog] on her head.”

Soundproof Paint

The Birmingham Midshires Building Society announced a new invention—soundproof paint. The anti-sonar paint was available in alpine brown or midnight black. It was guaranteed to eliminate the din of the neighbors.

Secretary of State Baker Introduces Himself to Secretary

A parody “special edition” version of the employee newsletter was circulated around the State Department. The newsletter poked fun at Secretary of State James Baker’s notorious aloofness. It stated that “The Baker team has let it be known that it is very difficult to be a small island of skilled bureaucrats in the middle of a sea of inept Foreign Service officers.” The article continued on, explaining that “Mr. Baker’s style is to start with a base of trusted, reliable aides and to slowly expand outward, drawing new people into the circle as they prove their abilities.” As an example of this, it was said that in “a major step toward showing trust to the department’s career employees” Mr. Baker had “introduced himself to his personal secretary.”

Submarines Secretly Patrol Thames

The Daily Mail reported that government submarines had been secretly patrolling the Thames every night for the past six months. Apparently the Royal Navy had replaced the Thames Water staff with its own personnel in order to maintain the secrecy of the patrols. A picture of a submarine photographed in Henley accompanied the article.

High School Students Recreate Cold Fusion

The Today Programme on Radio 4, a British radio station, interviewed three boys from a local high school who claimed that they had reconstructed Pons and Fleischmann’s test-tube cold fusion experiment in only two days. Producers at Sky Television tried to pursue the story also, until they realized it was a hoax.

Getting The Bugs Out

Employees of Sun Microsystems wrapped their office building in plastic, explaining that the building had to be fumigated in order to get the bugs out of a new product.

Categories

• April Fools Day
• Era
  • 1977-1989