Table of Contents

• The Napoleonic Chunnel
• Chunnel Opens Early
• Cerne Abbas Giant Practices Safe Sex
• Law School for Sale
• RAT Technology
• Maxwell, A Secret Life
• Privatizing the Army
• Society for the Prevention of Interstate Tollbooths
• The BMW Badgewash System
• Maradona Joins Soviet Soccer Team
• U2 Breaks Up
• Fruit Grower Finds 10-pound Gold Nugget

The Napoleonic Chunnel

The Daily Mail revealed the discovery of a tunnel linking England and France that had been constructed during the Napoleonic wars. Supposedly the tunnel was wide enough to allow an ass carrying two barrels of brandy to pass through it. The tunnel had supposedly been discovered beneath Dover Castle. The article explained that, “It would have been used to rescue aristocrats from Napoleonic France, to transfer spies and to trade British goods with Europe.”

Chunnel Opens Early

Today issued a four-page supplement announcing that the Channel Tunnel would open next week, five years ahead of schedule. Supposedly the tunnel would include ‘gasper rooms’ for smokers.

Cerne Abbas Giant Practices Safe Sex

Pranksters supplied the Cerne Abbas Giant with a condom in the form of a 32-foot plastic sheet. The famous gigantic figure is an ancient chalk-carving of a naked man carrying a club (see picture to right). It is located in the British countryside in Dorset . The figure is supposed to be a fertility god and is said to possess the power to make childless women pregnant. A landlady at a local hotel commented about the prank that, “It was quite a shock, but now everyone is laughing about it. We have no idea who did it, but he is now well secured against Aids.”

Law School for Sale

The Forum, the student newspaper of the Vermont Law School, announced on its front page (in an edition dated March 32, 1988), that the state was planning to buy the school and lease it to the administration. As a result, the school would become tax-exempt, allowing the administration to drastically lower tuition. The article cited case law and Vermont statutes to support its premise. The announcement caused considerable excitement on campus, where students rushed to find out how soon the new purchase would occur, and what effect it would have on financial aid. Douglas Costle, dean of the law school, admitted, “It had everybody going for a while. The story was long and somewhat dull—very cleverly done. To a casual reader, it would have seemed quite plausible.” The story turned out to be the work of Kurt Terwilliger, a first-year law student. He explained that he had put quite a bit of research into the article in order to make it credible. He added that, “I wrote the story mostly in the wee hours of the morning when you tend to get carried away with things.”

RAT Technology

Radio & Records, a trade journal for the recording industry, put out a special four-page supplement in which it announced, among other things, the creation of a new “Old Age” radio format featuring artists such as Rosemary Clooney, Lawrence Welk, and the Grateful Dead; a new FCC indecency guide that would forbid the use of phrases such as “commercial-free,” and “another half-hour of nonstop rock ‘n’ roll;” and finally, a new Japanese technological innovation called RAT (an acronym for Recorded in Actual Time). RAT was supposedly a miniature device that would transmit studio sessions to eager fans as the sessions were being recorded. The ad copy for RAT read: “Tired of waiting three years for Bruce Springsteen’s latest album? Now you can hear his new music as it’s being recorded! Tune in every day to hear how Michael Jackson’s new record is coming along. RAT gives you the freshest mix—before it’s even released! Plus all the in-studio banter, arguments, on-the-spot contract negotiations...”

Maxwell, A Secret Life

The Guardian reported that a new biography of media mogul Robert Maxwell (titled “Maxwell, A Secret Life") revealed that Maxwell was actually born in Scotland, not Czechoslovakia as was commonly believed. Maxwell and the Treasury solicitor were said to be attempting to suppress the publication of this information because apparently the story of Maxwell’s Czechoslovakian ancestry had been invented by British intelligence as a cover for his wartime operations with them.

Privatizing the Army

The Daily Telegraph reported that Margaret Thatcher was considering privatizing the Army and selling off the Brigade of Guards. According to the article, “Strict flotation terms would prevent hostile foreign interests gaining majority control over the brigade.”

Society for the Prevention of Interstate Tollbooths

The disc jockeys at WCXR-FX, a radio station in Washington DC, announced that two of the main commuter bridges going into the city would be closed for construction from 6 to 9 a.m. every day throughout April. Some listeners called in to play along. For instance, one caller said that he worked for a construction firm and had heard that tollbooths were being installed on the bridges requiring drivers to pay 25 cents in both directions. Another caller then claimed to represent an organization called SPIT, the Society for the Prevention of Interstate Tollbooths. Metro Traffic Control later said that as a result of the joke they received dozens of calls from angry commuters. They also commented that the joke “wasn’t particularly funny.”

The BMW Badgewash System

BMW announced a new technological innovation that would be incorporated into future versions of its cars—the badgewash system. The advertisement claimed that, “A tiny sensor mounted in the wiper arm measures the light reflected back from the white sections of the BMW badge… Even if a film of dirt cuts out as little as 5% of that light, the sensor will detect it and start the wiper.”

Maradona Joins Soviet Soccer Team

Izvestia, a Soviet newspaper, reported that the Moscow Spartak soccer team was in negotiations with the Argentine star Diego Maradona to offer him $6 million to play for them. Supposedly he would join the team within a year. Izvestia later admitted that the story was false, and that it was, in fact, the first time they had ever published an April fool’s day hoax.

U2 Breaks Up

91X, a San Diego radio station, announced that U2, the famous Irish rock band, was breaking up. The station’s disc jockeys explained that the break-up would be explained at a 10 a.m. press conference held by the band. When 10 a.m. arrived the station admitted that the story was a hoax.

Fruit Grower Finds 10-pound Gold Nugget

Bob Boyce, an Australian fruit grower, announced that he had unearthed a 10-pound gold nugget while planting a citrus tree. He had affectionately named the nugget “Mortgage Buster,” because it was said to be worth around $70,000, enough to pay off his mortgage. The story was picked up by the international media. Reuters news agency even reported that the Australian government had confirmed that the nugget was gold. Boyce later revealed the nugget to be a hoax. He explained, “I didn’t plan the joke for personal publicity. I just wanted to bring a smile to people on April Fools’ Day.”

Categories

• April Fools Day
• Era
  • 1977-1989