Article April Fools Day - 1981
Type: April Fool’s Day Hoaxes.
Summary: Hoaxes perpetrated on April Fool’s Day, 1981.
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Table of Contents
- The 26-Day Marathon
- The Michigan Shark Experiment
- The British Weather Machine
- KNOSH Food Network
- The Black-Hole Diode
- CBS Newsmen Buy Local Weekly
The 26-Day Marathon
The Daily Mail ran a story about an unfortunate Japanese long-distance runner, Kimo Nakajimi, who had entered the London Marathon but, on account of a translation error, thought that he had to run for 26 days, not 26 miles. The Daily Mail showed pictures of Nakajimi running and reported that he was still somewhere out on the roads of England, determined to finish the race. Supposedly he had been spotted occasionally, still running. The translation error was attributed to Timothy Bryant, an import director, who said, “I translated the rules and sent them off to him. But I have only been learning Japanese for two years, and I must have made a mistake. He seems to be taking this marathon to be something like the very long races they have over there.”
The Michigan Shark Experiment
The Herald-News in Roscommon, Michigan reported that 3 lakes in northern Michigan had been selected to host “an in-depth study into the breeding and habits of several species of fresh-water sharks.” Two thousand sharks were to be released into the lakes including blue sharks, hammerheads, and a few great whites. The experiment was designed to determine whether the sharks could survive in the cold climate of Michigan, and apparently the federal government was spending $1.3 million to determine this. A representative from the National Biological Foundation was quoted as saying that there would probably be a noticeable decline in the populations of other fish in the lake because “the sharks will eat about 20 pounds of fish each per day, more as they get older.” County officials were said to have protested the experiment, afraid of the hazard it would pose to fishermen and swimmers, but their complaints had been ignored by the federal government. Furthermore, fishermen had been forbidden from catching the sharks. The report concluded by again quoting the National Biological Foundation representative, who said that “We can’t be responsible for people if they are attacked. Besides, anyone foolish enough to believe all this deserves to be eaten.”
The British Weather Machine
The Manchester Guardian reported that scientists at Britain’s research labs in Pershore had “developed a machine to control the weather.” The article was titled, “Britain Rules the Skies.” The article explained that, “Britain will gain the immediate benefit of long summers, with rainfall only at night, and the Continent will have whatever Pershore decides to send it.” Readers were also assured that Pershore scientists would make sure that it snowed every Christmas in Britain. Accompanying the article was a picture of a scruffy-looking scientists surrounded by scientific equipment. The picture was captioned, “Dr. Chisholm-Downright expresses quiet satisfaction as a computer printout announced sunshine in Pershore and a forthcoming blizzard over Marseilles.”
KNOSH Food Network
On Cable magazine reporter Peter Funt announced the creation of the first 24-hour a day cable food network called KNOSH. (apparently the idea of a 24-hour a day food network seemed silly in the days before Emeril Lagasse)
The Black-Hole Diode
Byte Magazine, in its What’s New column, described a useful new computer component: the “7N- infinity BHD (black-hole diode).” The component was said to be useful mostly for “GI (garbage-in)” applications. The magazine explained that due to the light-absorption characteristics of the device, they were unable to print a photograph of it.
CBS Newsmen Buy Local Weekly
The Connecticut Gazette, a weekly paper based in Old Lyme, Connecticut, announced that it was being purchased by the CBS newsmen Walter Cronkite and Charles Kuralt, who owned a vacation home in nearby Essex, Connecticut. Although the story was not true, it was picked up by the New York Post and run as fact several months later. The Post was forced to admit its blunder several days later.
