A Few Good Reasons to Hate April Fool's Day

by Alex Boese


April Fool's Day is an odd holiday, and not to everyone's liking. In fact, many people despise it.

When I was growing up I was mostly indifferent to it. Celebrations such as Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving made perfect sense to me, and I eagerly anticipated them, principally because they involved food. April Fool's Day, on the other hand, was just a date on the calendar. If I thought about it at all, it conjured up visions of whoopee cushions, fake vomit, and prank phone calls, none of which I was particularly interested in since I was quite serious and gloomy as a child. It was only when I was older, after my early seriousness had collapsed into a cynical fascination with the comedic aspects of life, that I acquired an interest in the traditions and history of April Fool's Day.

What I have learned about April Fool's Day, after much study, is that most people regard it with as much indifference as I formerly did. Of all the major holidays, it is arguably the least celebrated (I'm counting all those celebrations such as Flag Day, National Boss Day, and Sweetest Day as minor holidays). Most people, if they show any awareness of the day at all, do so only in a desultory fashion. For instance, they might remark that "Oh, it's April Fool's Day," when they notice the date to be April 1st. Very few actually do anything to mark the occasion.

But enough people do celebrate it to keep the holiday alive and kicking. In fact, thanks to the internet, more people probably celebrate April Fool's Day now than ever before. As someone once remarked, "On the internet, every day is April Fool's Day," and this statement holds especially true when it actually is April Fool's Day on the internet.

But I'm not really interested in those who love and celebrate the day, because enough ink is spilled on them every year. Instead, I'm interested in those who hate the day, those whose passive indifference towards the celebration has tipped over into active antipathy and who seek to banish April 1st altogether from the calendar.

I think it's true that to really know something, you need to know its enemies. And just as importantly, because April Fool's Day is all about the freedom to be rude, mischievous, deceptive, and offensive for one day of the year, it doesn't help to rehash its lighthearted follies—the Swiss Spaghetti Harvests and Sidd Finchs that people fondly remember—in order to get at the real inner meaning of the day. Instead we need to inquire into its bitter antagonisms. Into its heart of darkness, if you will. And so here is my list, by no means definitive, of a few good reasons to hate April Fool's Day.


Next: Reason #1: You Work At A Zoo
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