April Fool's Day, 1993

Space Shuttle Lands in San Diego
Dave Rickards, a deejay at KGB-FM in San Diego, announced that the space shuttle Discovery had been diverted from Edwards Air Force Base and would land instead at Montgomery Field in a few hours (at 8:30 am). Montgomery Field is a small military airport located in the middle of a residential area just outside of San Diego. Thousands of commuters immediately headed towards the supposed landing site, causing enormous traffic jams that lasted for almost an hour. Police eventually had to be called in to clear the traffic. People arrived at the military airport armed with cameras, camcorders, and even folding chairs, ready to witness the landing. Reportedly the crowd swelled to over 1,000 people. Of course, the shuttle never landed. In fact, the Montgomery Field airport would have been far too small for the shuttle to even consider landing there. Moreover, there wasn't even a shuttle in orbit at the time. The police were not amused by the prank. They announced that they would be billing the radio station for the cost of forcing officers to direct the traffic. In its defense, the radio station said, "It was a joke. We're sorry, but it was April Fool's. We're just trying to have some fun." The prank was actually not even original. A Belgian newspaper had perpetrated the identical hoax on its readers in 1992. However, the San Diego hoax fooled far more people than its Belgian predecessor.

Chinese April Fools
The China Youth Daily, an official state newspaper of China, published a variety of fake stories on its front page. This made it the first Chinese paper since the Communist Revolution to celebrate April Fool's Day. The stories included an announcement that Ph.D. holders would be exempt from the state-imposed one-child limit. The logic behind this decision was supposedly that it would reduce the need in the future to invite as many foreign experts into the country to help with the state's modernization effort. Despite a disclaimer beneath the story identifying it as a joke, the report was repeated as fact by Hong Kong's New Evening News and by Agence France-Presse, an international news agency. Apparently what made the hoax seem credible to many was that intellectuals in Singapore are encouraged to marry each other and have children, and China's leaders are known to have great respect for the Singapore system. The China Youth Daily also reported a number of other spoof stories. For instance, it announced that a major eastern city was engaging in a city improvement project to deliver beer-on-tap to residential homes, and that Peking's ancient Qianmen Gate would be leased to a Hong Kong businessman who would use it to stage a laser light show and an exhibition of trade marks. Finally it advertised offers for real estate speculation on the moon. The Chinese government responded to the paper's hoaxes by condemning April Fool's Day as a dangerous Western tradition. The Guangming Daily, Beijing's main newspaper for intellectuals, ran an editorial stating that April Fool's jokes "are an extremely bad influence." It went on to declare that, "Put plainly, April Fool's Day is Liar's Day."

Barnes Wallis Moth Machine
London's Daily Telegraph published an article about the unveiling of a new device called the "Barnes Wallis Moth Machine." This machine was a microlight airplane that could skim over the Indonesian rainforest canopy at speeds up to 50 mph, scooping up moths as it went. It attracted the moths by means of powerful ultraviolet lights mounted on its front. The machine was said to have been given its name because it used the same technology as the 617 Squadron which released Barnes Wallis's bouncing bombs during the Dambuster raids of 1943. The machine would be used by a British scientific expedition exploring the Bengkulu region of the island of Sumatra. It would be the first such expedition since Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles's expedition there in 1820. The Guardian, the Daily Telegraph's rival, gleefully fingered this story as an April Fool's Day joke. However, the joke was on the Guardian, because the Barnes Wallis Moth Machine turned out to be real. As the Daily Telegraph later gloated, "our science editor's lepidopterous scoop was genuine."

Asterix Village Found
London's Independent announced the discovery by archaeologists of the 3000-year-old village of the cartoon hero Asterix. The village was said to have been found at Le Yaudet, near Lannion, France, in almost precisely the location where Rene Goscinny, Asterix's creator, had placed it in his books. The expedition was led by Professor Barry Cunliffe, of Oxford University, and Dr. Patrick Galliou, of the University of Brest. Supposedly the team found evidence that the small village had never been occupied by Roman forces. They also discovered Celtic coins printed with the image of a wild boar (the favorite food of Asterix's friend Obelix), as well as a large collection of rare Iron Age menhirs (standing stones) "of the precise size favoured by the indomitable Obelix whose job as a menhir delivery man has added a certain academic weight to the books."

Beer Truck Must Be Drained
KFMB-AM, a San Diego radio station, announced that a beer truck had jack-knifed and could not be towed away until the beer had been removed from its tank. Over 100 people showed up at the site where the accident was supposed to have occurred to help drain it.

Radio Station Changes to 70s Format
KROQ, a Los Angeles radio station with an alternative rock format, pretended that it had changed to a '70s format. It played '70s favorites such as "YMCA," "Silly Love Songs," and "Seasons In The Sun." However, its listeners evidently didn't mind the change, because the station's phones soon started ringing off the hook with requests for more '70s songs.

Pet Tax
WZPL, an Indianapolis radio station, informed its listeners that the city council had just approved a new citywide tax on pets. Pet owners would supposedly have to pay 75 cents for every pound that their pets weighed.

Sun Microsystems' Shark Car
Andy Bechtolsheim, co-founder of Sun Microsystems, arrived at work to find his car parked in his office. It had been outfitted by pranksters with a custom-made fish tank filled with real sharks. Upon finding the car, Bechtolsheim said, "This takes care of the problem of having to clean my messy office, I think I'll leave it like this." The prank continued a tradition of celebrating April Fool's Day at Sun.

Congressional Golf Course
Roll Call, the Capitol Hill newspaper, reported that a nine-hole golf course would be built around the Capitol building. The newspaper included a map of the fairways and greens of the planned course. Supposedly the course rules would restrict women to teeing off only after 1 pm.

Star Wars Trial
Izvestia, a Russian newspaper, reported that the Russian and American militaries were joining forces to create an anti-missile defense system. This system would reportedly destroy incoming missiles by focusing microwave or laser rays on them. Such a system would be considerably cheaper than continued rivalry, Izvestia reported. The White House dismissed the report as an April Fool's day joke. However, other Russian sources insisted that the story was true. Suggesting that the story was a hoax was the supposed codename of the joint project—Trust. In addition, the article repeatedly referred to the word 'plasmoid' which Moscow physicists later said was not a real word in Russian and had probably been made up.

Intel Chief Resigns
Andy Grove, CEO of Intel, announced to his employees that he was resigning from his position in order to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a rap singer. Grove made his announcement in a video in which, while dressed as a rapper, he rhymed out a song called "Rum AMD" (a reference to Intel's rival Advanced Micro Devices). Grove explained that he would be replaced by Dick Clark, host of American Bandstand, who then appeared in the video with him. Finally, Grove revealed plans to relocate the company to a small island off the coast of Venezuela.

Joggers Slow Down To Help Squirrels
Westdeutsche Rundfunk, a radio station in Cologne, Germany, announced that city officals had ruled that joggers could only run at a maximum speed of six miles per hour through the city's parks. Any faster, it was said, and they would inconvenience the squirrels who were in the middle of their mating season.

The Sundial Disappears
The editors of the Sundial, the student newspaper of Cal State Northridge, issued an April Fool's edition which they titled 'Sindial.' However, before the edition could appear across the campus as scheduled, all 9,000 copies of it were stolen and held for ransom by a group that identified itself as the Clock Setters Union. This group left a note outside the office of the newspaper revealing that the edition would only be returned if all clocks on campus were synchronized. "Not necessarily the correct time," the note read, "just the same time." Other demands included lower condom prices in restroom vending machines, the appointment of a fraternity mascot to an administration post, and a cardboard cutout of Vic Tayback (an obscure actor). The note concluded by warning, "Don't call police, or we start editing." Campus police were notified of the theft, and eventually an anonymous phone caller revealed the location of the missing papers. The papers were available on campus later that day.

Male and Female Public Phones
The Sudkurier, a newspaper in Constance, Germany, reported that the city was introducing separate public telephones for men and women. The reason for the separate phones, according to the paper, was that "women telephone longer."

CIAO, Auden, and San Serriffe
The Guardian published a Euro-lifestyle supplement called 'CIAO.' It declared that the aim of this new supplement would be to put the "in" back into intellectual. With this end in mind, it offered vapid, tabloid-style profiles of intellectual figures such as Isaiah Berlin, John Birt and Tessa Blackstone. The Guardian also announced the discovery of new, previously unpublished poems by W.H. Auden. Examples of the poetry included lines such as these: "We do not know/if there be fairies now/Or no." Other papers pondered whether this poetry discovery was genuine. Unfortunately, it was. Finally, the Guardian offered an update on the fate of the mythical island, San Serriffe (See April Fool's Day, 1977). The new resource adding to the wealth of San Serriffe was said to be oil, to which the island's currency, the Corona, was linked. Despite the new wealth and the encroachments of modernity, the island inhabitants were said to be still maintaining their old way of life. For instance, the Flongs, the island's native inhabitants, still lived in their thatched huts. The island's university was reportedly struggling to accommodate both old and new by sponsoring research into thermonuclear fusion while simultaneously offering degrees in pearl-diving.

Vodapigeon
The Newbury Weekly News reported that a new company, based in London's Trafalgar Square, was launching a new personal communication device. The name of this new gadget: the Vodapigeon (Trafalgar Square is famous for its pigeon population).

Not The Japan Times
The English language Japan Times published a special April Fool's Day edition titled "not Japan Times." Its front page story reported on a Japanese politician who was being investigated for not taking bribes.

Coronation Street Takeover
London's Daily Star reported that Hollywood studios were attempting to purchase Coronation Street, the name of England's famous half-hour soap opera. They were supposedly planning to rename it Coronation Boulevard.

Scots Granted French Citizenship
The Daily Mail reported that there had been high-level meetings between John Smith, leader of the British Labour party, and President Mitterand of France. Supposedly Mitterand was offering Smith the post of French premier, based upon the 400-year-old treaty of La Fiorpol which granted Scots French citizenship.

Crab Soccer, Elasto-Plasty Surgery
The Miami Herald celebrated April Fool's Day with a host of spoof articles. Among these were a report on a new sport called crab soccer. Players had to traverse the court with the palms of their hands and the soles of their feet touching the ground. Their backsides could touch the floor only when they were kicking the ball. There was also an article on a new kind of plastic surgery that used implanted elastic bands to give support to sagging body parts. Once implanted, the bands eliminated the need for exercise or dieting. Finally, there was a report concerning a study recently published in the Journal of the American Maniacal Association that found that adult males who consumed seven to nine drinks a night had 27 percent fewer heart attacks than their non-alcohol consuming counterparts.

X.O. Beer
Singapore Press Holdings launched an ad campaign to promote a new beverage called X.O. Beer. It was billed as being the strongest beer available. The ads, costing $272,000, boasted that the beer was 12 percent alcohol and 100 per cent lethal. They warned that the beer should be consumed lying down. Guests were invited to a product launch for the product, held at a hotel in Singapore. However, when they arrived they learned that the beer did not exist. It was all a prank engineered by the Press Holdings Group as a means to demonstrate the power of the media. Those who arrived at the party received posters that read, ""X.O. Beer should be taken lying down ... with a slice of lime ... and a pinch of salt. April Fool!"

Mulroney Stays On
Canadian radio station CFRB told its listeners that Canadian prime minister Brian Mulroney planned to run again as leader of the Progressive Conservative Party. They played audio clippings of talk show host Andy Barrie interviewing Mulroney about his decision, and followed this up by commentary from various political pundits. Many listeners called in to express their shock. The radio station finally revealed it was all a joke at 11 am. The interview had been spliced together using clippings from old Mulroney tapes. This prank mirrored a joke played the previous year by American radio station NPR claiming that Nixon planned to run again for President.

Canadian Metric Time
A radio station in Calgary reported that Canada would soon be converting to metric time. This would mean that in the future there would be 100 seconds to the minute, and 100 minutes to the hour.

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Text copyright © 2002 Alex Boese